My Opinion...

Lenox, Georgia
April 13, 2013 6:41pm CST
So, your probably going to get a lot of discussions from me soon since I am on another site with some people that just really blow my mind. This is the latest thing I just read. This mother does not understand why other mother's want to be around their children all the time. She said that parents that want to be around their children all the time are creating them to be brats!! And we should leave them at home with babysitters more often, (Must be nice that she can afford babysitters all the time too). I don't want to leave my kids, when they are away from me I miss them and want them back home. I do think every couple needs a date night a couple times per month, I think it's healthy for the marriage. Do my husband and I get that? No. Why? We cannot afford a sitter and we miss our kids too much! I strongly disagree with her on this, I had kids because I WANT to be around them! Funny thing, right?!? So, your thoughts on this one MyLotters...To be near or away from your kids more often?? Which one is better for the kids?
7 people like this
39 responses
@wolfie34 (26791)
• United Kingdom
13 Apr 13
On basis does she state that parents who want to be around their children all the time are creating them to be brats? How does that stand up? Parents who are around their children all the time produce nurtured, loved and cared for children who will grow up learning what it is to be loved and wanted, and they in turn will pass this onto their children. I wish my father was around for me as a child, but he was less than useless preferring to spend his time in the pubs etc. I would love to know what study she has found that backs up her totally bizarre and crazy statement. I pity her children to be honest if that is her attitude.
2 people like this
• Lenox, Georgia
13 Apr 13
Like I said wolfie, some people REALLY blow my mind! Lol. Yeah she said the parents that bring their children with them everywhere and want to spend their time with them are creating brats!! Got me... I completely disagree with her. I feel the same way you do. Kids will feel loved and cared about when their parents spend time with them!
1 person likes this
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
14 Apr 13
Or they will become dependent and not want to do much at all. It is a double-edged sword. Some children who are around their parents all the time end up coddled and some can in fact turn into brats because well their mommy is always around. They can also feel smothered and such as they get older because their parents are always around. There needs to be more of a balance not that many parents can afford one now a days.
1 person likes this
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
13 Apr 13
Finding a babysitter is hard and for me personally, I do want to be around my kids less than I am now. I don't go out much because finding a babysitter is hard, and if we do find a family member to watch them unless my husband and I go to a random store and there is kid stuff, I don't think of them at all. Now, I don't personally get why any parent would want to be around their children 24/7 because every person needs some time to themselves. However, I don't think that anyone should ever leave their kids with babysitters more often than maybe four times a week if they have a weekly date night or less (not including if the parents have to leave the house for work). I love my children, but I don't always want to be around them. I wrote this whole thing out about why I am leaving being a stay at home mom to an outside of the house working mom in another discussion and went into more depth than I am here of course. It all depends on the parent. Any parent should remember that there are two factors in having children: What is best for the children and what is best for the parent? If the parent is sitting there and overly stressed out and much more, is it really better for that parent to spend super large amounts of time with their children knowing the feelings could easily be picked up and stress out the children? No. Therefore, it all depends on a variety of different factors on which is actually better for the children.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
14 Apr 13
I don't mind people having their own choices with their own children. The thing is, I would never call your children brats because of what you choose to do. I think it is wrong to judge children when we do not know each other's children. If you want to be away from the kids, that is up to you but I will be damned if ANYONE will call my child a brat when they do not even know them! That too me is the part that bothered me the most I think. How dare anyone call anyone else's children brats when they don't even know them? Too me, that is wrong.
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
14 Apr 13
Based on what you typed, it sounds like they were generalizing and generalizations are part of life. It didn't sound like she said you specifically but just that you were taking it personally. Some times it is better just to let things go. People generalize that every mother out there who is married and wants to work as well are selfish and don't love their kids. They generalize it even though there could be actual legitimate reasons besides money that they do.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
14 Apr 13
Your right, I took it personally. Don't you know by now that I take EVERYTHING personally?? LOL. For some reason, not from you-maybe because I feel like I know you so it's okay when you disagree with me. We talk about it, get over it and we are cool again. This person, bothered me when she said all parents that want to spend time with their kids are creating brats. It just hit me the wrong way I guess.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (122949)
• Boise, Idaho
14 Apr 13
I think that if people are going to have kids they need to want them and want to spend time with them. Kids that too. They need to feel apart of a unit and they need to feel loved. I think a date night once a week is more like it myself. A couple times a month doesn't seem like much.
• Lenox, Georgia
14 Apr 13
Yeah I agree with you. A lot of people have children not knowing the work that goes into having kids. It is a great job but its tough too! A date night is the most I could handle being away from my kids, but only twice a month. We don't get that right now, because I would miss them too much! Lol. This woman was talking about going out with friends, her husband, to parties, weddings, etc... And saying it's good for her kids to be with a babysitter when she wants to go somewhere. I don't understand this way of thinking at all.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (122949)
• Boise, Idaho
14 Apr 13
I think that it is good for kids to have other people around and folks that watch them so the parents can have some time to themselves. Parents need time to themselves and kids need to be independent from their parents.
• Lenox, Georgia
14 Apr 13
Yes they do but she was saying a few times a week. I don't think that is necessary when we have children that need us.
1 person likes this
@dainy1313 (2386)
• Leon, Mexico
13 Apr 13
Hello dear Loving I´m very pleased to read you, and to know you´ll be writting more often! I can tell you: a) the "ladys" vision is the side of my mother´s vision. b)your vision is my vision. My mother is exactly the way you describe. Indeed I grew up with a nanny and I missed my mother too much. And I wont tell you thraumas but I can tell you I didn´t eat with my mother, just weekends and when she had vacations. But when I became mother I chosed to be with my children everyday. We are very happy, we have debts, but we are working to get out of them. My teens are already helping making online payed tasks to help us with the expenses. Blessings Loving... dainy
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (112457)
• United States
14 Apr 13
It is sometimes the best thing to remember what we did not like as a child and do the opposite. Dainy I am sure you have much more joy in your life because you choose to be with your family.
2 people like this
• Lenox, Georgia
14 Apr 13
I will be writing more often with my thoughts on some of these parent's opinions! They just boggle my mind! See, I would never do that to my kids. I don't think it's good for a child to never be around their parents. I think that is very sad. And I don't think my kids are going to be brats because I am raising them!
2 people like this
• Lenox, Georgia
14 Apr 13
I am not saying working is bad for the children. I am saying when a child never sees their parents ever that is wrong to me. We had them to raise them, not so someone else can raise them for us...
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Apr 13
I don't have children yet but my boyfriend and I plan on starting a family in a few years. I think that woman is a bad mother, one of the reasons that we are going to wait a few years is so that we can be financially secure enough for me to be a stay at home mother, my mom was and I know I want to be as well, I don't want to miss moments of my child's development.. I don't want some babysitter or nanny raising my kids..... Yes of course you need time away from them for yourself and for your partner as well . But the idea of a mother that DOESN'T want to spend time or be around their children, they probably shouldn't have had the children in the first place.
1 person likes this
@MoonGypsy (4611)
• United States
14 Apr 13
you should tell that to my SIL. she wanted a kid ever since she was 15 years old. that's how long she had been trying. she finally got someone willing to get her pregnant and now she doesn't want to be around the kid. she has her new boyfriend and her mother doing all the work. she sleeps and is on facebook all day.
• Lenox, Georgia
14 Apr 13
I agree with you! What kind of mother does not want to be around their children? I definitely want to be around mine. They are my world. =) I had children because I want to be with them. I understand when parents have to work, but this woman was talking about going out with friends and parties instead of being with her kids! And she says we are creating brats for being with them too much!?! Boggles my mind...
@marianne87 (3525)
14 Apr 13
Date nights? What are date nights? My eldest is almost 8 and my parents have had her overnight 3 times that I can remember, all when she was a baby. They have never babysat my other 2 kids. My mother says I chose to have them, I should take care of them. The closest I get to a date night is a pizza delivery with my partner and all 3 kids. But I don't resent it, I hate being away from my babies. I love spending time with them, they all have their only little developing personalities and we have so much fun playing together. Perhaps a bit too much fun at times, the 2 year old managed to bash my head, elbow and coccyx on the wooden floor today during a "jump on mummy" game!
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
14 Apr 13
We don't get date nights either. Mainly because we miss our kids so much, the whole "date" all we do is talk about our kids! Lol. I know my mom would watch them for us if we wanted to go out but we really miss the kiddos when they are not around... The last date night we got was a long time ago! I always have kids here, even when mine are not home. Lol. Right now my kids are at my mom's because they go to her church with her every Sunday. But I have 6 other children here for Childcare. Lol. I am never without kids, mine or not!
21 Apr 13
I was studying childcare at college when I got pregnant with my eldest, I plan to go back to that when my baby starts school. I love being around children, I can't imagine a quiet house! The mother you are talking about (I've read through all the replies and comments now) clearly wasn't ready to be a mother if she just dumps her kids at every opportunity.
@robspeakman (1705)
14 Apr 13
I think it has been proven that brats are likely to be created when the parental influence is absent. The rise of the working mother has been a problem, and that is not to be critical of working mothers. It is to be critical of us as a society. Of course women can work, nothing wrong with mothers working, but fathers do not give up work to take over the role of "mother". What should have been society moving to give equality to mothers in the workplace, became nothing more than a way of of earning more money for a household... The children were left at home under the care of available relatives or babysitters. Are we really surprised that our kids are brats or we have failing moral standards? And what happens as our children reach their teenage years? It could be argued that these are the years that parents are needed the most. The good lady and I both worked for several years - We did start to notice that our kids where become unruly and school work was suffering. We made the descision that one of us should be at home more. I have the full time job and she works from home. I think I drifted of the point a little there. I could rant all day about how we are ruining our way of life. However, you are right. What is the point of having kids if you are going to palm them off on the first available babysitter? My kids are now 12, 14 and 19 and I love spending time with them
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
14 Apr 13
The worst part of her statement for me was the fact that she was talking about going out, not even working... That is what got me. She said we should leave our children with a babysitter a few times a week to do other things like go out with friends and such... I don't agree with this at all. I did not have kids to go out and party, I had kids to be with them and spend time with them. When both parents have to work it is tough on the children. Sometimes we have to do it and I get that. But I darn sure would not leave my children with a babysitter to go out a few times a week like she was saying! That to me is too much time without the kids for no good reason. I love spending time with my children as well. They are my babies!
@marguicha (121742)
• Chile
14 Apr 13
I don`t trust babysitters, but there are some people that I trusted with my daughters when they were children and other people that I trust with my grandchildren. It`s not always possible to be around their children. Both my daughters are single mothers, raising their children on their own. They didn`t start that way: they both got married and were supposed to have a life sinilar to the one I had with their father. Both my children need the money from their well paid jobs and the only way to do it is to paid for someone to take care of their children. But we had very good help. I can vouch for that.
• Lenox, Georgia
14 Apr 13
She was talking about going out and enjoying herself while leaving her children with babysitters. Then said other mother's were creating brats if they did not do that. She wasn't talking about having to work. Working is completely different and understandable to me. =)
• United States
14 Apr 13
Kids might want more independence from their parents, but that's a different issue. Frankly, some mothers got pregnant without planning for their kids. Maybe they had them but resent the time and effort they require. I think people who don't want to be parents should use birth control. I never went anywhere where my daughter wasn't welcome or where I would be ashamed to take her. Yes I worked, and I had my parents to do child are for me. I worked lots of overtime, and I wish I didn't have to because I missed my daughter. I was providing what she needed and wanted as a single parent, but I know she missed me and cried for me. It tore my heart out. So when I was off and during times when I was with her (I worked at night while she slept) I made sure that we spent time together. I never tossed her off so I could go drinking or partying. It just was not me. My daughter said she would rather have had more time with me but it couldn't be helped. I had my daughter because I planned for her. She is still the apple of my eye. She is 43 now.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
14 Apr 13
It is completely understandable if it is a working mother, if you have to work to provide for your children you are doing what you have to do for their well being! This mother was actually talking about going out and leaving her children with babysitters, saying this is what they need-time away from their parents!? I don't understand that one at all. Saying that when she needs time away from them she is doing them good, she leaves them when she goes to weddings, parties, out with her husband, out with friends, getting her nails and hair done, etc... I'm sorry but to me she sounded selfish and is trying to make herself feel better maybe?? Then has the nerve to say parents that do not do these things are creating brats! Puzzled...
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
13 Apr 13
when they are still babies, i think it is important for the mother to be with them all the time. however, as they grow older, they should be given the chance to meet other kids and interact with other people even without the presence of their moms. once they are in school, however much the mom wants to stay with them, their presence would be unwelcome. even if the family can afford it, i don't think it is advisable to leave children to babysitters if the mother can be around to take care of them. as a mom, i would have preferred to stay with my son all the time when he was small if i didn't have to work. children who are always with their moms do NOT always end up as brats. it is up to her to discipline, educate and inculcate values on her child. if she does it right, then her kids will learn well.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
14 Apr 13
Well of course once they get older they should have time to be independent. But I enjoy being with my kids and they enjoy having me around too. =) Just because I am able and willing to stay home with them does not mean they will definitely turn into brats. That was just a general statement and I think the mother was wrong for saying that.
@GardenGerty (112457)
• United States
13 Apr 13
Imagine that , actually WANTING to be around your kids, and not letting strangers raise them. What are you thinking girl?You probably can guess where I stand on this one. I am very proud that my daughter is at home with her kids, and my future daughter in law does all kinds of things with her girls as well. I did not get to do "date nights" often when my kids were growing up. I had even other kids ask me why I would always go to the pool when my kids did. Well, my kids actually when they became teens would ask me to sponsor or chaperone activities for them. Not because I was hip and cool and acted like the kids, but probably because I was reasonable and enjoyed being there as an adult. So, officially, I think it is better for the kids to have parents who want to be around them, who are consistent and supportive and who do not let total strangers raise them.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
14 Apr 13
Oh yes I see where your going with this one! Lol. I agree with you GG, I LOVE being home with my kids. I don't think I am turning them into brats by being with them and loving them. I just don't see that at all... My husband and I get a date night once every 6 months, sometimes less. We don't want to leave them with anyone and we miss them when they are not around. I am always with all children, I love being with mine the most! I think it's better to be a caring and loving parent too!
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Apr 13
I would be as confused to hear that then as I am now. My daughter and I were together all the time. we played in parks together and doll house anythng you can think of she did not need anyone to be there to play with her. I would get down on my knees to let her play in my hair as well. I don't think that has anything to do with how kids will turn out. when they get older and get to a point where they think they are grown they will let you know how much they want to be around you. sad but true kids want their friends more than their parents. parents are old.
@MoonGypsy (4611)
• United States
14 Apr 13
that is the other side of it. i hope my baby girl never gets tired of hanging out with. i will miss her so much if she leaves me for her friends. that is sad to hear, but yours is older than mine. so, you know what you are talking about a bit more.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Apr 13
When kay turned 13 14 she wanted her friends over more and to go out with them. she did not mind being with me when I was going shopping because she was getting something for sure. when I started shopping online more she could care less because she knew she could just tell me what she wanted but she had to have those friends.
• Lenox, Georgia
14 Apr 13
I am with my kids all the time too. We do everything together, I like it that way and so do they. =) It would be different if I had to work, they would understand and I would absolutely hate it but I would do it if it was really needed. That is different than just going out all the time with friends and such like this woman was saying! I know when they hit the teenage years most likely they will want nothing to do with me, I am trying to prepare myself for it now. Lol.
@MsTickle (25051)
• Australia
19 Apr 13
Personally, I do not understand those people who have children then rush back to work leaving the babe with child care. What is the point? Why have a family if you don't want to raise them, teach them, spend time with them, play with them, watch them grow, help/teach them to be the best they can be, encourage them and love them lots?
• Lenox, Georgia
19 Apr 13
I don't understand why some people have children if they really didn't want them to begin with. No one made them have children! I don't get it either MsTickle. I know one thing, my kids are grateful and respectful because that is how I teach them to be. Their not brats just because I am home with them...
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25051)
• Australia
20 Apr 13
That woman's comments were bloody ridiculous!!
@ShyBear88 (27152)
• United States
14 Apr 13
Normally me and my husband don't go out much unless family watches the kids. I was gone for 2 half days nd my mother in law and my mom watched both kids because my husband wanted to go to ny for our anniversary. We get maybe if we ate like one night a month for a movie night but we Leo plan it out and ask family first. I love being gound my kids even when they drive me crazy. But a little break and to just be by myself or with my husband is nice
• Lenox, Georgia
19 Apr 13
Of course we all need some time away from our children in order to be the best we can be for them. My husband and I would like to have one night per week to have a date night, which we don't ever get but it would be nice to have... This mother said she goes out 3 times or more per week and leaves her kids with babysitters and we should all do that! No thank you. I love being around my children, I have no desire to leave them that many times per week! And my children are not brats either!
@ShyBear88 (27152)
• United States
20 Apr 13
Gimp out three times a week is way too much for a mother to be going out. That child will be craving nothing but wanting there mother or not want her at all. Is lucky with what time I get away from my too. I'm a,ways just happy with a little nap which gives my husband alone time with both kids since they see my all day and are with me. I think my kids deserve that one on one time with there daddy.
@sid556 (30997)
• United States
14 Apr 13
Wow...that's crazy. When my girls were young, I gave up a great paying job so that I could babysit and do odd jobs in order to be around them more. Not only could I not afford a sitter, I really wanted to raise my kids myself. Later on, when my husband and I divorced,my situation changed and I had to find a different type of job in order to make ends meet and even then, most of my hours were on the weekends when their dad had them so that I could be home with them when they were not with their dad. When I did need a sitter, it was my mother or my older daughter who was 15 at the time. I do know that some mom's really want to get out and work as opposed to being home all the time and I would never judge that. What I do judge is the statement that those who chose to stay home are creating brats. Raising kids to be responsible adults is not about the amount of time spent with them but rather the effort you put into making sure that you instill values in them. And like you...whenever I was away from my children, I missed them so much. When I had to work , it did not matter who they were with, I missed them. And I loved summers and school vacations just for the extra time with them.
• Lenox, Georgia
19 Apr 13
I stopped working outside of the home as well because I wanted to be with my kids. Now I stay home and do Childcare. I love what I do and I also love that I can be home with my babies. Working is a different story but this mother was talking about she goes out all the time and leaves her kids behind. She said all mothers should do this. I enjoy the time I spend with my children. I think all mothers should enjoy it, or they probably should not have had kids. Kids grow up so fast, I know that and that is why I enjoy every moment I have with them now.
@sid556 (30997)
• United States
19 Apr 13
My kids are all grown now but you are right...enjoy it while you can. It seems like they are going to be little forever and then next thing you know they are in middle school and then graduating High School. You will be scratching your head and wondering how it flew by so fast. This lady you talk of sounds as if she is just trying to justify herself. I understand that some mom's need to work and all mom's need a break now and again but I can't imagine not loving my time spent with my kids. I agree, if you don't want to put the time and effort into them then it would seem best not to have them.
@peavey (16872)
• United States
14 Apr 13
I was a stay at home mom when my kids were little. I worked, but I worked at home because I wanted to be with them. I liked my kids. I enjoyed being with them. We never went anywhere we couldn't take the kids because we were a family unit. I can see, though, that some kids would turn out to be brats if their parents were their main influence. Still, whoever trusts a babysitter to raise their kids aren't too concerned about the way they turn out, either.
• Lenox, Georgia
14 Apr 13
It is different if a mother has to work but this mother was talking about just going out all the time and leaving her kids with a babysitter! Like I said, every now and then going out is fine but I would not want to leave my kids a few times a week. And I don't think my kids will be brats because of it. My mother stayed home with us and none of us turned out to be spoiled brats...
@peavey (16872)
• United States
17 Apr 13
Yep, my mother stayed home with us, too, and we all turned out pretty good.
@TLilly12 (1229)
• United States
14 Apr 13
I am baby sitting my granddaughter right now, and I feel she need to be with her mother, she loves being with here mother, when her mother bring her, around me she cried for her mother,and my granddaughter is always asking for, her mommie not her grand mother, and grand daughter just got a job clean apartments, but she doesn't get home until 11:00 at night, this is too much on a 1 year old, she need to be home with her mother, not with here grandmother, I have a life of my own, I can't babysit my grand daughter everyday, and she doesn't even pay me.
@MoonGypsy (4611)
• United States
14 Apr 13
she seems like she is taking advantage of you. that is sad. you should be enjoying just being a grandmother, not a replacement mom.
• Lenox, Georgia
14 Apr 13
I'm sorry, I agree with moongypsy, it sounds like she is taking advantage of you and that is very sad. And it's sad for the child as well. A one year old does not understand why mommy is not around. =( I hope things get better soon with the situation!
@Dominique25 (9473)
• United States
19 Apr 13
Yeah I agree with you that it must be nice that she can afford to have a babysitter that often. It is very hard to find a babysitter that meets our needs. I have been searching for one in the area we just moved to and still haven't found one that I would feel comfortable living my child with. I think that each parent's decision on how they want to spend their time with their children should be respected. If a mother wants to stay at home all the time with her children then that is her decision and her right. I think like you mentioned their needs to be a balance. I would like to get out more than I do now but that doesn't mean that I won't miss my daughter or that when I walk in the door that I will not be happy to see her. And this is coming from me a mother who is usually with my daughter from the time she gets up and until she goes to bed. I think it would be nice if I could find a person like you that has a daycare to watch my daughter for special occasions like date night. My husband and I can't afford to pay someone to watch our child everyday but we can save money for date night so that we can go out once a month.
• Lenox, Georgia
19 Apr 13
I am just curious why your having such a hard time finding a sitter there? Are there just not many there or are they not good people? What are you looking for? Just wondering! It helps me when I know what other parents are looking for! =) I had my children because I want to be around them and raise them. Yes I agree all parents need some time to themselves. But 3 times or more per week? No. That is too much time away from the kids in my opinion. It's different if both parents have no choice but to work. But she is talking about going to parties and such! My mother watched our children when we both had to work for a year outside of the home. I liked that they were with her but I hated being away from them no matter who they were with! I am glad I provide Childcare in my home so I don't have to go out to work. I provide Childcare so I have nothing against that but more than once a week for going out and leaving kids behind seems like a lot to me! I wish I was close to you because I would most definitely watch your kids so you could go out! =)
@bounce58 (17457)
• Canada
17 Apr 13
Although I would like to be around my children all the time, I don't really think it is possible. I think it is great to give them their space, and let them learn from other people (their teachers) as well. I don't think being around them all the time make them brats. If parents show them, or don't teach them right from wrong, they will still turn out to be brats no matter how much time are spent with them.
• Lenox, Georgia
19 Apr 13
I had my children because I want to be around them and raise them. All parents need some time to themselves. But 3 times or more per week? No. That is too much time away from the kids in my opinion. It's different if both parents have no choice but to work. But she is talking about going to parties and such! My mother watched our children when we both had to work for a year outside of the home. I liked that they were with her but I hated being away from them no matter who they were with! My children have their Sunday School Teacher for someone other than myself teaching them. Independence can be taught, I teach my children to do things for themselves and not to always rely on me.
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
17 Apr 13
I loved having my kids around and like you when they weren't I missed them. Every summer my parents would take all the grandkids for a week....it was always a long week! I hated them being so far away and we did so many family things that it was lonely when they were gone!
• Lenox, Georgia
19 Apr 13
I hate being away from our kids for a long period of time too. My older sister watched our kids for 2 days and that was really hard for me! Then my mother watched our children when we both had to work for a year outside of the home. I liked that they were with her but I hated being away from them no matter who they were with! That was a really tough time for me as well because I wanted my kids home.