Love or Marriage: Which Comes First?
@mythociate (21437)
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
August 15, 2015 9:30am CST
I'm sure we've heard the schoolyard-taunt "'Boy' & 'Girl,' sittin` in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G; First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby-carriage 
"
Why do we think 'that sequence' must apply to real-life? This is the root of 'Christianity's' (or Biblical Creationism's) disagreement with same-gender marriage: when Adam met Eve, he didn't say, "You know, I might start to love her," and then 'run her through a courting-ritual' and then 'bring her gifts in order to win her heart' or something; he just stated matter-of-factly "you are mine; this is what you are, and so you go with me."
(It's possible that where the Bible says "a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife," the original meaning was 'a man DIVORCES HIMSELF FROM his father and mother in order to join his wife.')
And that might even justify same-gender marriage---as the homosexual "goes with" fellow homosexuals ... but I digress ...
The 'love- or marriage-first' debate comes as a result of a fellow MyLotter's 'belief' that their "spouse" will NEVER be their "lover" (and/or vice-versa ). I disagree with them, inspired by Fiddler on the Roof's Do You Love Me?---a song about how Golde & Tevye first met on their wedding-day, have lived for each other every day since then, and finally made clear (after 25 years) that they now know they love each-other.
So 'Love Second.' Agree? Disagree? How so?
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Why do we think 'that sequence' must apply to real-life? This is the root of 'Christianity's' (or Biblical Creationism's) disagreement with same-gender marriage: when Adam met Eve, he didn't say, "You know, I might start to love her," and then 'run her through a courting-ritual' and then 'bring her gifts in order to win her heart' or something; he just stated matter-of-factly "you are mine; this is what you are, and so you go with me."
(It's possible that where the Bible says "a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife," the original meaning was 'a man DIVORCES HIMSELF FROM his father and mother in order to join his wife.')
And that might even justify same-gender marriage---as the homosexual "goes with" fellow homosexuals ... but I digress ...
The 'love- or marriage-first' debate comes as a result of a fellow MyLotter's 'belief' that their "spouse" will NEVER be their "lover" (and/or vice-versa ). I disagree with them, inspired by Fiddler on the Roof's Do You Love Me?---a song about how Golde & Tevye first met on their wedding-day, have lived for each other every day since then, and finally made clear (after 25 years) that they now know they love each-other.
So 'Love Second.' Agree? Disagree? How so?3 people like this
5 responses
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
15 Aug 15
I think that in some cultures marriage comes before love, especially when there are arranged marriages. I believe that love can come second, but that is not how I would choose it for myself. On the other hand, I do not know which works best. In cultures where love supposedly comes first, there are a lot of divorces. I do not think divorces are allowed (or maybe they are allowed but discouraged) in cultures that still practice arranged marriages. Lack of divorce, however, does not mean that there is love in the marriage nor does it mean that the couple is happy.
1 person likes this
@mythociate (21437)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
15 Aug 15
I guess I'm "of two minds about it"; on the one mind, I want my people to be at-peace & happy with their lives; on the other mind, I want my people to serve Our Father without regard for 'how they feel about it' (i.e. it's good if they're happy with their Companion-for-Life, but 'whether-they're-happy-or-not' should have no weight in the decision to obey).
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
15 Aug 15
@mythociate But who says that they have to obey their parents on the choice of marriage.
I do understand that people are supposed to obey their parents, but at some point there has to be a line drawn and free will takes over (I would say that happens about the time the children become adults), otherwise there would be no need for free will.
I do understand that people are supposed to obey their parents, but at some point there has to be a line drawn and free will takes over (I would say that happens about the time the children become adults), otherwise there would be no need for free will.@mythociate (21437)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
15 Aug 15
@purplealabaster When I say 'Our Father,' I mean "the closest thing humans understand to God"---so I mean 'the entity who is the Boss of-me, -my parents, -your parents, -you and -everybody'
(and by 'my people,' I mean THE 'People' of which I am a part.)
@missjahn (4574)
• Philippines
22 Aug 15
if i were to ask, if I will get married - i would like to because I love the boy or he to me. I cannot imagine myself being with someone eternally without love, but if it is really the case - marriage before love - I guess i need to sink my self in. i will try my best to fall for that man if he is worthy to love on
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
16 Aug 15
My ears are burning! I used to say that saying but back then I didn't know about Real romantic love. Now I know must choose between love Or marriage. I choose love.
There is no one order for everyone. some may meet love , marry , then have a baby. Others may get pregnant then marry then learn to love or not. Others may meet live together, have a child then marry or not. It is rare to meet briefly marry have children then maybe love.
What this has to do with gay marriage? Nothing. gay people do the same thing.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
19 Aug 15
@mythociate How does two people being happy destroy Your happiness? is your worth linked to what strangers do with their lives? I don't understand. Plus it isn't up to straight people to give gay people their rights. They were born with them! It sadly took decades for the laws to recognize it!
@mythociate (21437)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
17 Aug 15
no, they don't. The baby they have is either adopted or done with a sperm- or egg- (or both, though 'both' makes it another kind of "adoption") donation.
And as for 'marriages without children,' they still ought to be 'male and female' to "hold to the form" (kinda like players in the marching-band who have to keep on marching even when they don't even play for a whole movement of the show).
And the government's not saying that people CAN'T be homosexual and living with their lovers, they're just (if they're against it) saying that 'we don't want to spend The People's money to help insure your useless happiness.'
@mythociate (21437)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
18 Aug 15
@sarahruthbeth22 You're right.
I just wish we could give gay people their 'rights' without making it seem like "all the people" are sponsoring what "some of the people" regard as an abomination.
You need to help me with @dlr297 on 'Trying to Find Christianity's Problem.'
And no, they don't have the right 'to make US make them happy.' It's more like 'the right to try to be happy (without destroying others' happiness).
I mean, I know there are nosamesexmarriage.com/marriage/bible_verses.php one-or-two Old Testament- & 'after Gospel' New Testament-references against it; but I...
@Rollo1 (16679)
• Boston, Massachusetts
19 Aug 15
Romantic love is a feeling, a chemical explosion in the brain that takes about two years to wear off, by which time a couple is "bonded". But covenant love, which doesn't require you to meet and fall madly in love, is a choice. The problem with arranged marriages is that unless both make that covenant to love and respect, then they don't grow to romantically love one another. The problem with marrying for love only is that if someone's expectations of what "love" is going to do for them aren't met perfectlly, they will want to divorce. We can't worship the idea of falling in love or love at first sight.
@happytobehereagain (390)
•
17 Aug 15
I think the answer will vary from culture to culture or religion to religion. Just like in Saudi Arabia where the groom is not allowed to see his bride's face til their honeymoon. And i have talked to one Saudia girl before expressing her fear that her future husband may not find her pretty and divorce her after their wedding, By that case I would say for their culture marriage comes first followed by physical attraction and later love and babies. Or marriage, physical attraction, babies then eventually love.
@mythociate (21437)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
17 Aug 15
What purpose should marriage serve?
(That's not 'Why should people want to get married?' No, I'm asking 'What good does ANY COUPLE's marriage do for anybody OUTSIDE THE COUPLE?'
