Farewell Tour
By Carol Brown
@blitzfrick (2890)
United States
October 10, 2015 3:18pm CST
A friend of mine has just travelled 2400miles and visited me for two days. She has stage 4 lung cancer.
I wonder if she'll make it to the end of this year. She had her game face on, but in conversation she told me in so many words the end is near.
She said that when she got the diagnosis last March, the doc gave her 4 months, which would've meant she'd be dead by August. So she's living on borrowed time, but she didn't use those words. She gave me my (December) birthday present early. I asked her about pain. She told me she's now on morphine throughout the day, with additional oxycodone (I think) in addition for when the pain breaks through the morphine and to help her get to sleep at night.
We visited for two days. The first day (Wednesday) we stayed close to my house. I wanted to see how much stamina she had before we ventured downtown the next day to Powell's, which requires quite a bit of walking. She'd specifically requested to go to Powell's Bookstore in downtown Portland as part of her visit.
The first day of visiting, we started at about 9:30am and stayed together until around 7:30pm. The next day (Thursday), we did go downtown, but our day ended around 4:30pm. She was exhausted.
I don't expect to see her again and spent most of Friday crying. Losing her will leave a huge hole in my life. We've been friends since the mid-1970s. To me, the drawback to living a long life is outliving my friends.
11 people like this
13 responses
@NeldaHoxie (1381)
• United States
10 Oct 15
Wow, that was a bittersweet visit. Your friend must be a book lover to make such an effort to go to Powell's. I've never been there, but I subscribe to their online newsletter. You've got to give her credit for getting every day out of her life.
3 people like this
@blitzfrick (2890)
• United States
11 Oct 15
Powell's is one of "our" places. We didn't get to go to Finnegan's Toys as we'd hoped but we did manage to stop by Jake's Grill for drinks (we each had only one drink), another of our usual places to visit when she's here. And yes she loves books, but Powell's is full of other attractions too. She sure is tough, or at least tough enough to carry off this Farewell Tour in some semblance of style. But that's just the kind of gal she is, too. It's been a joy and a privilege to have her friendship all these years.
2 people like this
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
11 Oct 15
@blitzfrick
This just makes me tear up as she is such a brave lady and to have such a good friend makes her life all worth while.
1 person likes this
@blitzfrick (2890)
• United States
11 Oct 15
She flew. Southwest Airlines just started a nonstop flight between Portland and her home in Texas. Still, flying is stressful and tiring, although faster than anything else. She came to celebrate her 70th birthday with her family and friends here. She likes to say she celebrates it for the entire month. She was feted aplenty with birthday fun in Texas too, before she left to come here. By the way, the 2400 miles is only the trip here. So 4800 miles total.
1 person likes this
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
11 Oct 15
@blitzfrick
I am so glad you were able to spend time with her before the end.
2 people like this
@jaboUK (64346)
• United Kingdom
11 Oct 15
@blitzfrick Wow, that's a heck of a long way, I admire her for making the trip.
2 people like this
@Asylum (47893)
• Manchester, England
11 Oct 15
@blitzfrick I suppose really depends on the individual's frame of mind.
2 people like this
@blitzfrick (2890)
• United States
11 Oct 15
She's the sort of person who appreciates the advance warning. She's had time to make her final arrangements in great detail and that gives her quite a bit of peace of mind.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (153529)
• India
11 Oct 15
We all have to go one day but those who go before us do not have to go through what those who are left behind go through. It is natural for you to feel the way you do but time will help you go through it.
2 people like this
@blitzfrick (2890)
• United States
11 Oct 15
Yes, you're right about time helping the healing process. I know because I've learned from many losses along the way. It's all part of being a human. Fun times. No.
2 people like this
@softbabe44 (5815)
• Vancouver, Washington
11 Oct 15
it just isn't fair how things like that happens make us want them to find a cure for cancer
2 people like this
@blitzfrick (2890)
• United States
11 Oct 15
I'd like to see a cancer vaccine, myself.
1 person likes this
@boiboing (13147)
• Northampton, England
11 Oct 15
@blitzfrick It's great you had a chance to make new memories while it was still possible.
1 person likes this
@blitzfrick (2890)
• United States
11 Oct 15
Yes, she is—and has been as long as I've known her—a truly amazing woman.
@blitzfrick (2890)
• United States
11 Oct 15
She has many friends all over the country and has been saying goodbye to all of us since she got her diagnosis. I live in the same city as her brother so was incorporated into her trip to say goodbye to her family. I too was surprised that she'd be able to make this very long trip but she's one tough woman. Yes, I'll miss her for the rest of my life, no matter how long I live. 
1 person likes this
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
12 Oct 15
@blitzfrick
She is one tough lady and I will be saying prayers for her and you.
@arthurchappell (44941)
• Preston, England
12 Oct 15
That she made the journey shows how much you mean to her too. Hope that she has more quality time yet and that her final days and hours are as pain free as possible
1 person likes this
@blitzfrick (2890)
• United States
12 Oct 15
Thank you so much for those thoughts.
1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70020)
• United States
11 Oct 15
I am sorry to read of your friends illness and the fact that you may soon lose her.
You have been friends for many years.
I hope that you will remember the good times you had and it is good you had this time with her.
She sounds like a very brave lady.
1 person likes this
@blitzfrick (2890)
• United States
12 Oct 15
She is brave, but she'd never admit that. Staunch Norwegian stock, no public tears, etc.
1 person likes this
@blitzfrick (2890)
• United States
12 Oct 15
Many of her family live in the same city where I live. My visit was incorporated into her visit to her family.
1 person likes this
@blitzfrick (2890)
• United States
11 Oct 15
Thank you so much. A terrible, and yet a lovely moment. I'd always thought the situation would be reversed, that she'd outlive me.
1 person likes this
@blitzfrick (2890)
• United States
12 Oct 15
Friday (the day after our visit) I was able to let out the grief. So glad I can cry, but not liking it at all. I expect I'm not done with crying. There's still more to come, especially for my friend. I hate to think of her in such pain.
@rahulvsmokiee (3110)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
11 Oct 15
Oh its really bad that she is suffering from such a disease. God is with him and also you. You pray for her well being my friend.
1 person likes this
