Have you ever said something you had to say which cost you your friendship
By sofs
@sofssu (23660)
October 21, 2015 10:30am CST
I have recently had to say something to a good friend which may have cost me my friendship. I could have not said what I had said, but I may have had to live with guilt since I didn't tell my friend that I didn't talk to my friend about his flaws..
I could have saved our friendship, but that wouldn't have been true friendship.
I believe if this relationship was true, it would stand the test of time.. if it was just a feel good relationship which was superficial, its time it failed.
I will be sad to lose a friend.. I will continue to care for him and wish him well.. but it may never be the same between us.. or who knows .. my friend may realize his mistake and set things straight between us..
However, the heart ache is mine for the time being.
25 people like this
22 responses
@crazyhorseladycx (39503)
• United States
21 Oct 15
sometimes ya jest gotta get it out in the open. whilst yer heart may be achin' 't the moment, sounds like 'twas the best'cha could do. somethin' i 'ppreciate from folks is honesty.3 people like this
@sofssu (23660)
•
24 Oct 15
@crazyhorseladycx I can't be a friend if I can't speak the truth can I?
2 people like this
@crazyhorseladycx (39503)
• United States
24 Oct 15
@sofssu no ma'am 'n those that 'xpect'cha to bend it to make 'em happy aint much'f a friend to 've.
1 person likes this
@softbabe44 (5815)
• Vancouver, Washington
22 Oct 15
Anymore honesty is probably the best policy.
2 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45490)
• United States
21 Oct 15
I think it probably happens to everyone at some point in life.
2 people like this
@Marilynda1225 (91208)
• United States
21 Oct 15
I think so too. Friendships end for many reasons
2 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45490)
• United States
21 Oct 15
@Marilynda1225 They sure do...like 'someone' said, people come into your life for a reason and when that reason is over so is the friendship
2 people like this
@much2say (57760)
• Los Angeles, California
25 Oct 15
Ah, I know the feeling - I've had to do that several times in my life. For me, all those friendships were cut off right there and then. But I knew I HAD to say what I had to say or it was going to drive me nuts for as long as the friendship existed that way - I had it "up to here". Actually I was glad to have that off my shoulders - it was good to finally express what I had wanted to say because it was stressful keeping it in - but the price to pay was losing that friendship. I had that same heartache because I did lose good friendships, though I had to believe I was really better off without this friendship if they couldn't handle hearing 'the truth".
2 people like this
@much2say (57760)
• Los Angeles, California
25 Oct 15
@sofssu Yep - several. Honestly, I think I must attract needy people - I mean the kind of people who just need constant attention and like to dump their problems on others. I've just had to learn to not get involved with such "friends" - yes, it's just too painful in the end.
1 person likes this
@TexanTornado (5573)
• United States
21 Oct 15
I am a very outspoken/speak my mind type person. So if I had to say something to someone that I considered a friend and it ruined the 'friendship', then I have to mark it up that it wasn't a true friendship.
I did have one 'friend' who was constantly whining and complain. I would give her idea/suggestions to try and help for whatever it was at that particular time, until I reached the point I couldn't take it anymore. So yes, I told them. It did eventually dissolve the 'friendship'. At first I felt bad, but after that, it was like a weight was lifted.
1 person likes this
@TexanTornado (5573)
• United States
24 Oct 15
@sofssu I understand, it hurts when you lose someone you thought was a friend or you are close with. However, a 'true friend' will take the truth as given to them, process it and do what needs to be done.
1 person likes this
@sofssu (23660)
•
24 Oct 15
@TexanTornado a true friend will consider the words of a friend.. but he/she needs to be mature enough to understand the truth in what is being said and why.
1 person likes this
@sofssu (23660)
•
24 Oct 15
@TexanTornado I would be sad if this broke our friendship.. It had to be done though.. someone had to speak the truth to him.
1 person likes this
@softbabe44 (5815)
• Vancouver, Washington
22 Oct 15
sometimes you have to make the decision to tell someone how you feel about something you may have thought about but you had to handle it a certain way you did well by saying what you said and you were being honest he should thankyou for that.
1 person likes this
@sofssu (23660)
•
24 Oct 15
@softbabe44 you are right.. I am happy I did it and yet sad that he is sad,.
@softbabe44 (5815)
• Vancouver, Washington
24 Oct 15
@sofssu Well at least you are being honest with him.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169590)
• United States
23 Oct 15
I can read the regret in your post, but a true friend tells the truth in
a kind way. A true friend also receives the truth as it is intended.
1 person likes this
@sofssu (23660)
•
24 Oct 15
@GardenGerty My only consolation is that I spoke the truth in love.. and I was prepared to face the circumstances.
@ckyera (17331)
• Philippines
12 Nov 15
In my opinion, true friend stays and will understand the things that we are saying in a positive way. Maybe they will get hurt in the beginning but eventually they will realize that we said what we said because we care.
And also a true friend is someone who will tell us what we need to hear and not what we want to hear. For me its better that my friend will tell me things that is true no matter how hurtful it will be instead of lying to me.
In your case, maybe only time can tell if your friendship will go on or not.
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17331)
• Philippines
12 Nov 15
@sofssu you just do what you think is right,and as long as you don't have a guilty conscience then just accept the consequence and give them time. i already experience that back then, I told my friend something that offends her and she ignores me for few months but things just happens and we start talking again and our friendship stays...
But I also have someone who stops being my friend and we are now like a stranger whenever we see each other... So see, results are not the same, it depends on you and your friend.
I hope that things will get better between you and your friend.
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
24 Oct 15
I think if he is wise, he will want to make up with you after a few months.
I think he has to recognize his real self, and makes changes.
I must say that you are very courageous to speak the hard truth, and live with the consequence of losing a friend.
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45628)
• Philippines
24 Oct 15
i've been meeting a friend once month and after talking about her latest jobhunt, i finally told her what i thought and gave suggestions. she replied that another friend told her the same thing.
1 person likes this
@sofssu (23660)
•
25 Oct 15
@hereandthere Good for you that your friend has an inkling of the truth,my friend was too angry to hear the truth.
@else34 (13515)
• New Delhi, India
25 Oct 15
@sofssu,Yes,once I had lost the friendship of a guy who was in daggers drawn with his own brother over partition of their property.The guy was trying to usurp a part of his brother's share and I told him what he was doing was wrong.Now he not my friend.
1 person likes this
@sueznewz2 (10409)
• Alicante, Spain
27 Oct 15
I've come to this conversation a bit late, but while it was a hard thing to do ... relationships have to be built on honesty... I hope things work out for you ...
1 person likes this
@sofssu (23660)
•
27 Oct 15
@sueznewz2 I am starting to feel it may not work out but I am happy to have spoken the truth in love. He probably needed someone to point it out to him.
1 person likes this
@sueznewz2 (10409)
• Alicante, Spain
27 Oct 15
@sofssu yes it will probably help him in the future .... if he takes notice of what you said to him.... 
@Marilynda1225 (91208)
• United States
21 Oct 15
There was a misunderstanding many years ago between a good friend & myself and our friendship was lost. I still miss my friend and the good times we had
1 person likes this
@sofssu (23660)
•
24 Oct 15
@Marilynda1225 I am afraid I will be sad every time I think I broke a great friendship. I may have done some good... even if he doesn't realize now he will understand later.
@AbbyGreenhill (45490)
• United States
21 Oct 15
It is difficult being friends with neighbors..its sometimes a very forced situation.
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (61463)
• United States
21 Oct 15
I guess it depends a lot on what you said and about what. I hope for your sake it turns out well.
1 person likes this
@sofssu (23660)
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24 Oct 15
@BelleStarr I spoke the truth .. I wasn't harsh nor was I too mild that it was lost on him.
@Tampa_girl7 (54744)
• United States
22 Oct 15
I hope that everything works out between you.
1 person likes this
@sofssu (23660)
•
24 Oct 15
@Tampa_girl7 I wish too.. I was not harsh or vindictive.. I just spoke the truth.
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
21 Oct 15
We are admonished to speak the truth, in love. As long as that is done, sometimes a person you thought was a friend... isn't. I've lost a decade long friend that way. It still hurts, but....I can't make her do or not do a thing, so time to move on.
1 person likes this
@sofssu (23660)
•
24 Oct 15
@Jessicalynnt I had to speak the truth because this friend is really loved. I am just keeping my peace and hoping that things would change for the better.
1 person likes this
@MarshaMusselman (38865)
• Midland, Michigan
22 Oct 15
It's hard when you have to share things like that with people, for you fret a bit before speaking with them, and then after the fact. Either way, you have to live with yourself first. Even when it's needed to share things, sometimes there's a good time and a not so good time to do that, but figuring that out isn't always easy either.
My husband tends to not confront people about things they say or do, but it eats him up eventually and he can't let go of whatever it was. I hope your friend comes to terms with whatever you told him and it will be to his good if not now, or right away, at least in the near future.
1 person likes this
@sofssu (23660)
•
24 Oct 15
@MarshaMusselman Spot on.. I need to live with myself. I cannot let someone believe the lie that he lives in..
I mulled over this for a couple of days.. spoke to my husband about it and then did what I had to do. It still makes me sad.
1 person likes this
@PainsOnSlate (21845)
• Canada
22 Oct 15
A few times in my life I've just walked away slowly to distance someone that I don't want to hurt but can't stand to be around. It happens in life we just have to do it. Sometimes we can fix it but usually we can't.
@sofssu (23660)
•
24 Oct 15
@PainsOnSlate C'est la vie.. Its tough at times and beautiful at others.
1 person likes this
