Ouch, that Wasn't Very Nice

@Juliaacv (48349)
Canada
November 9, 2015 6:53am CST
I do enjoy writing, reading and interacting on this site. I do. I have noticed as of late, that there are some members leaving comments that are meant to be hurtful and to belittle the writer. This is not an everyday occurance by any means, but when it does happen, it makes the timid (I'm raising my hand now) in the group pull back. I would hope that we all take the comments or messages that we leave for others into careful consideration. I do not think that anyone intentionally sets out to put someone down, but it is happening. So let us try to be a little less critical and a little less assuming, and that will make everyone, including the timid in the group, feel more comfortable and welcome.
33 people like this
36 responses
@jaboUK (64362)
• United Kingdom
9 Nov 15
Unfortunately it's easy to misinterpret comments when we are unable to hear tone of voice or see facial expressions. I know this at first hand, when @garymarsh6 left a comment on one of my posts which I found amusing. I came back at him with ''Trust you to lower the tone of my post!'' I was joshing him but he took it seriously, deleted the comment and sent me a PM saying how sorry he was to upset me. I was aghast that he hadn't realised I was joking. We were able to laugh about it after that, but my point is that comments can be taken the wrong way, a way that the commenter hadn't intended.
9 people like this
@Juliaacv (48349)
• Canada
9 Nov 15
I know that there are some members who will joke and be sarcastic, but that is usually pretty visible in the words that they use. And we do need that, we all need a little humour in our days and on our site, but the personal jabs are not necessary. And sadly, a lot is lost in translation, so people should look at all definitions of words before the jump into rudeness.
6 people like this
@jaboUK (64362)
• United Kingdom
9 Nov 15
@Juliaacv and @garymarsh6 This incident has made me more careful, and if there is any doubt I will change my wording. And emoticons are useful too.
4 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23393)
• United Kingdom
9 Nov 15
You are not wrong there. I was mortified to think that I may have upset you! As you already know I am not like that, Sometimes the most innocent of comments can indeed be taken the wrong way as there is no intonation of voice of as you say facial expressions. It is not big and it certainly is not clever to belittle someone else's post. You know the old saying which my mother used to drum into us. 'If you have nothing nice to say say nothing at all'! I think that is very good advice!
6 people like this
@marlina (154166)
• Canada
9 Nov 15
I did notice that some members are pretty harsh with people.
7 people like this
@birjudanak (14319)
• India
9 Nov 15
harsh means?
3 people like this
@birjudanak (14319)
• India
9 Nov 15
harsh means?
2 people like this
@Juliaacv (48349)
• Canada
9 Nov 15
@birjudanak It means that people are not being nice about what they are saying.
2 people like this
@owlwings (43915)
• Cambridge, England
9 Nov 15
Leaving comments that are "meant to be hurtful and to belittle the writer". Is a Guideline violation and should be reported. I have also seen some unnecessarily harsh comments, verging on rudeness, left on discussions where the D.O. was clearly new and needed guiding.
4 people like this
@pgntwo (22412)
• Derry, Northern Ireland
9 Nov 15
D. O.? Oh, discussion owner, gotcha.
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (61047)
• United States
9 Nov 15
I have to say that I am the type who will just delete a comment if someone upsets me, period. My post, my delete button. oww that sounds a little harsh lol Most of the time the writer knows exactly what they are doing and does it anyway. I just want peace and love and flowers .... here I go drifting off again. lol
6 people like this
@Juliaacv (48349)
• Canada
9 Nov 15
Me too! This is my fun time for relaxing and nothing else. And on top of it all I am not one to argue.
1 person likes this
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
9 Nov 15
@BelleStarr - me too. The delete button is there for a reason and sometimes it's the right thing to use it.
2 people like this
@CRanney (437)
• Wingham, Ontario
9 Nov 15
@BelleStarr oh no not drifting off..it's really the right thing to do and oh how I wish life was all peace and flowers. I'm with you on that one!
2 people like this
@sofssu (23662)
9 Nov 15
I have one person responding to me in a an insensitive manner.. I avoid such people, but they make it a point to comment and write some insensitive comment.
5 people like this
@sofssu (23662)
10 Nov 15
@Susan2015 Its just rude and insensitive.. not harsh enough to report. I try to ignore those comments.
2 people like this
• United States
9 Nov 15
I've had a few the last two days that weren't very nice, they were very rude, but it's part of life I guess.
7 people like this
@GardenGerty (157527)
• United States
9 Nov 15
So sorry that is happening, @AbbyGreenhill. I know you are a seasoned member of online communities, but it still does not feel good or represent what we are doing.
5 people like this
• United States
9 Nov 15
@Susan2015 Thanks - someone did step up and tell the person that it wasn't necessary to be so rude to me.
1 person likes this
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
9 Nov 15
Ah yes, We did rather go into battle to try to give some lessons in manners yesterday, didn't we Abby?
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (157527)
• United States
9 Nov 15
Please report to Alex anything that seems to be deliberately hurtful. That is not the myLot way of relating.
3 people like this
@Juliaacv (48349)
• Canada
9 Nov 15
Thank you, that sounds like great advise. There are a couple of comments from this very discussion which fit into the ouch that hurt group.
1 person likes this
@sulynsi (2671)
• Canada
9 Nov 15
hi Juliaacv Some on the lot can be intimidating. By and large, though, if you continue what you are doing, being pleasant and respectful, you will attract like minded people, who appreciate your style. I've found, though, that there are folks who simply enjoy a vigorous debate, and who as much as they seem to be aggressively arguing, seem to really love the interaction of the most challenging people. At times, those people may seem unpleasant, but its good to be cautious about making a judgment based on one or two comments in a single interchange. Over time, try visiting the profile and seeing what they have to say on a range of topics, under different circumstances and with different correspondents? Like getting to know anyone, it is hard to really understand someone you only see in one setting. And it is so easy to misunderstand one another. Of course, there have been some who were just downright unkind, but I found them to be few, and short lived. Those can be avoided. May your interactions be rich and rewarding
2 people like this
• Philippines
10 Nov 15
This isn't facebook were they could trash-talk all they want and call it freedom of expression or something. there's a way of sayings things not meant to be rude. Unfortunately when the post is about politics and religion some people can't help themselves.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (48349)
• Canada
10 Nov 15
Exactly, and I am not talking about a controversial discussion by any means. I just think that we should be kinder in the words that we leave for comments so as not to offend anyone.
@Tampa_girl7 (48893)
• United States
21 Dec
Whether in 2015 or 2023 this is a bad thing to see on here.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (48349)
• Canada
21 Dec
Thanks, I almost left the site as a result of that. We should decide to either get along, or get going and leave the site if we cannot be kind.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (48349)
• Canada
22 Dec
@Tampa_girl7 Times change over the years, but feelings remain the same.
@Tampa_girl7 (48893)
• United States
21 Dec
@Juliaacv agree 100 %.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
9 Nov 15
In my opinion (which probably doesn't worth the box I'm typing in), we should call those folks out when it happens, as oppose to starting a discussion about it. Once again, this is my opinion on the subject and please do not take it personally.
3 people like this
@MALUSE (69416)
• Germany
9 Nov 15
Oh! I've just posted a text which interprets different kinds of comments. I wonder how you'll read it. :-)
3 people like this
@Juliaacv (48349)
• Canada
9 Nov 15
We'll have to see, I am just getting on the site so I haven't had a chance to read it as of yet, but I'll get there I'm sure.
1 person likes this
@pgntwo (22412)
• Derry, Northern Ireland
9 Nov 15
Left to right, top to bottom, as always
1 person likes this
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
9 Nov 15
I did challenge someone yesterday for what I thought was a rather aggressive attack on another member in the comments. If someone's rude to me, I may well let it pass but if they do it to others, I'll get my smiting stick out and give a good thwack.
3 people like this
@Juliaacv (48349)
• Canada
9 Nov 15
Can ya help me out on that one-lol
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (48349)
• Canada
9 Nov 15
@boiboing That made me laugh. You know, we all join the site for our own personal reasons and all need to get something different from the site and our interactions. Bashing each other isn't probably high on the list of why we join, it wasn't anything I took into consideration. And besides, I like to get along, smile (thru my words) and read, write and enjoy. You could use that stick on the one below this though, if you feel the need that is!
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
9 Nov 15
@Juliaacv Give me a shout and I'll get the stick out.
2 people like this
@chance216 (280)
• United States
9 Nov 15
I always try to be respectful when leaving comments. Kindness will always go further in my book.
2 people like this
@destry (2572)
• Kirkwall, Scotland
9 Nov 15
Not always in my book - If you keep on telling a serial spammer to please stop it - they won't. Best to tell hem of the consequences, report them and let the admins do their job.
2 people like this
• United States
9 Nov 15
@destry Agreed if kindness doesn't work that does not mean you should just let someone do whatever they want. I just think kindness should be the first resort.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157527)
• United States
9 Nov 15
@destry What it boils down to is you are a straight shooter. Nothing wrong with that. In my years here I have been on the receiving end of "correction" whether needed or not. Honesty did not hurt, being told I was a stupid person did. That is not your style either.
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16679)
• Boston, Massachusetts
10 Nov 15
I think that I should probably use more emoticons, because sometimes I am very dry and people might not understand. I haven't seen anything as harsh as you say. Unless it was me, and then I wouldn't notice my own harshness probably. Now I am going to have read everything I have said the last few days.
1 person likes this
@mom210 (9036)
• United States
10 Nov 15
That is a shame, I am sorry to hear that is going on. I thought we were all here to have a little fun and make a few $$
1 person likes this
@pgntwo (22412)
• Derry, Northern Ireland
9 Nov 15
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, I think is the order of the day. Or get chummy with "Mrs. BeDoneByAsYouDid".
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (48349)
• Canada
9 Nov 15
Thank You! I live by those words, but apparently not everyone else does!
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Nov 15
It's a hard pill to swallow when you get a harsh remark and I always try to let a rude remark roll off my shoulders. Sometimes it hard though
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (48349)
• Canada
9 Nov 15
And I get that, and I can let 1 roll off, but when you get 3 or 4 over the course of just as many days it gets old quickly. Maybe I'm just too sensitive, but that's who I am.
10 Nov 15
that's too bad. i haven't seen any of those comments at this point, but haven't had much time to spend there yet.
1 person likes this
@Auntylou (4264)
• Oxford, England
9 Nov 15
I haven't seen this in my few days here. Can you flag that sort of thing?
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Nov 15
It doesn't happen often, so when it does it's a shock.