The Key to a Happy Marriage
By patgalca
@patgalca (18208)
Orangeville, Ontario
November 23, 2015 10:52pm CST
Last week I complained about a comment my husband said about not being happy, that he would be happier if he was single. In case you didn't see that the gist of the discussion was that if he didn't have the responsibilities of house, wife, children, he wouldn't be stressed about money and would be happier. My response was I would feel happier too without the financial struggles.
For those of you who followed me on BB, you might remember that last January my husband made an effort to give up his vices and I in turn made more of an effort to make life at home happier. I'm not sure if I consciously did this or not... I don't think I did, but the last couple of days I have gone back to greeting him at the door with a hug and a kiss and a smile, making dinners and lunches like I did at the beginning of the year. Well, it is working. He is responding to my efforts and we feel happier together.
I still long for a loving, affectionate, I-can't-live-without-you relationship with my husband. I will continue to make these efforts and pray that our marriage will be strengthened. Others are praying for us as well.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life miserable.
14 people like this
18 responses
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
24 Nov 15
I think what you're feeling is very typical. I've been married going on 13 years and we're in the same predicament. He works long hours to try to pay the bills. He's always stressed over work and money. I'm working full time and that lightens the load for him, we're able to afford our bills now and things are getting better... but they're only getting better slowly. We still have debts and we don't have much saved up, so when things go wrong it's a huge stressor. Our furnace has been acting up for a week so that caused a lot of stress because we don't have the money to fix it without putting it on a credit card.
Men just seem to forget that women need romance and that sort of thing. They're always so focused on their troubles where as we're more focused on our emotions, and men don't understand that as they're not really emotional.
3 people like this
@patgalca (18208)
• Orangeville, Ontario
24 Nov 15
@41CombedaleRoad He is emotional, though keeps it inside or masks it with substance abuse. That is the real problem. If he would eliminate that from his lifestyle, things would be wonderful. They were for a couple of months earlier this year after he got over the withdrawals which took a couple of months. But then he went back to it.
1 person likes this
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
24 Nov 15
Some men are emotional and some women less so, the problem comes when there is an imbalance. Of course I am prejudiced but your comments seem to bear out my opinion that women are better at understanding men than the other way around.
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16679)
• Boston, Massachusetts
24 Nov 15
I think the truth is that he can't live without you, and neither of you want to live without the other, but over the years we fall into ruts in how we relate to each other. Sometimes just that extra little attention and show of affection can make big changes in relationships.
3 people like this
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
24 Nov 15
It is true that a little extra attention and affection can make a big difference. Men won't ask for it though, so we women have to go ahead and do the necessary in order to get the response we want.
2 people like this
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
24 Nov 15
What you put into a marriage is the first priority but these days we are encouraged more to think about what we can get out of it, but I guess that is putting the horse before the cart. Your plan might not take effect immediately but I do believe that we reap what we sow and your are sowing love and affection into your marriage. The future looks bright.
2 people like this
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
24 Nov 15
If you love someone you would choose to be miserable with them and hope that as a result of your love they will eventually cheer up!
@babaraimc (1310)
• Pakistan
24 Nov 15
its good that you two are happy,,
its part of life that sometimes we feel joy, and some time we have our stresses which may lead to small misunderstandings ,
and the best thing to do in these circumstances is to understand others
if he is not in a good or says something inappropriate , remain silent this is a best way
i am sure he will understand his mistake after sometime,,,
i read an amazing book "Men are from Mars, and woman from Venous"
it emphasizes the small difference among two genders, like how we react to different happenings
1 person likes this
@babaraimc (1310)
• Pakistan
24 Nov 15
@patgalca i am saying that remain silent at that time, when he is not in a good mood
when his mood will improve, you can discuss about the things he has said/done
then he will understand,,,,
when we are angry, we mis-understand what other have said, and then we react, which leads to more mis-understanding
@babaraimc (1310)
• Pakistan
24 Nov 15
@patgalca and its good that you have read this book
did you like it?
@LovingMyBabies (85125)
• Valdosta, Georgia
25 Nov 15
I hope you can find happiness again in your marriage. I will also be praying for your marriage to get stronger and happier. Sometimes the smaller things can make the biggest difference.
@kyrararen (601)
• Indonesia
24 Nov 15
I am sorry, if you don't mind me asking, how long has your marriage been?
@kyrararen (601)
• Indonesia
25 Nov 15
@patgalca woah that is a long journey. nice to know that you still wish for such kind of love, you are passionate and spirited. keep it going :D wish you all the best.
@Teep11 (7673)
• United States
24 Nov 15
It works both ways. Sometimes we do think that being single is better until we find ourselves feeling lonely. Marriage is work and if both parties aren't ready to work on it then it won't work. A husband has to lead and if that doesn't happen then things will fall apart. He has to respect his wife and appreciates her. He shouldn't expect her to wait on him hand it foot and refrain from being gentle with her. It's not easy trying to hold a marriage together and taking care of a family but if people are determined then they will get it done.
1 person likes this
@patgalca (18208)
• Orangeville, Ontario
24 Nov 15
He never planned, expected, wanted to get married and have children. He had a 3 month rule wherein he broke up with girls after three months (I just found out about this 6 months ago). He broke up with me after 3 months. But then a year and half later or so he called me and we've been together now for 21 years, married 18. So obviously he loved me more than he thought he could love someone. We talked about that. He said he didn't grow up with that love and affection (verbally) nor did he see it with his parents. It's hard to not live what you know unless you make a very strong effort to say, "I don't want my life to be like that".
@moondebi (1199)
• Bangalore, India
26 Nov 15
You are putting a good amount of effort from your part. That will definitely work. I wish you to sustain that spirit.
By the way, Marriage is a two way traffic so, to make it successful, both entities should have an equal contribution.
1 person likes this
@MarshaMusselman (38724)
• Midland, Michigan
22 Jan 16
I'm sure your efforts will bring change for both of you. I need the same things for similar and different reasons, but we both work different shifts at the same job. What we need to do is sit and talk when home rather than being in our own corners of the house on our own computers as is normal unless he's watching a good movie and I watch it with him.
I also meant to say that I think this is the first that I knew you were here, unless I've forgotten already. I don't know if you never left, or if you came back when it reopened or later than that, but see you around.
@patgalca (18208)
• Orangeville, Ontario
22 Jan 16
I came back when I heard MyLot was paying again. Then Bubblews shut down so I'm here for good.
I still try with my husband, greeting him, etc. But we are still stagnant. We sat together at dinner the other night and said absolutely nothing. I felt like asking him a silly question like, "Which color do you prefer, yellow or red?" Honestly, once the kids are gone there is nothing to talk about. We really had nothing in common to begin with there was just this amazing chemistry between us from the beginning that was hard to deny.
1 person likes this
@patgalca (18208)
• Orangeville, Ontario
28 Jan 16
@MarshaMusselman Joyce Meyer was having a Celebration of Prayer Day today. I tweeted a prayer request for my husband and our marriage.
Hubby and I actually spent some quality time together on Saturday (that is he listened to me) and we had some laughs together. That feels good just to be able to joke and laugh together. I think he might be off the junk right now. Can't say for sure because I don't want to get my hopes up again, but when he is more attentive it usually means he is straight.
1 person likes this
@MarshaMusselman (38724)
• Midland, Michigan
28 Jan 16
@patgalca If there was chemistry, there should be a way to rekindle that. I'm not sure whether it would take counseling, or going on dates or what exactly. If you believe in the power of prayer that works wonders also.
@birjudanak (14320)
• India
24 Nov 15
wow what a lovely couple,our relationship depend on trust and understanding,so if you have both well then your life is so happy and joyful.one thing is that when fight happened between couple at that time one should have to to do let go otherwise ego make it very big conclusion.and if you both understand each other very well then what ever fight happened but love become more and more and never come in situation in end of marriage and i wish your life going happy and very joyful.
1 person likes this
@babaraimc (1310)
• Pakistan
24 Nov 15
we were talking about this book in my comment, and she said she has read it
@funtool (246)
• Sargodha, Pakistan
25 Nov 15
@babaraimc but reading is not enough, is it? A person to implement what he has learnt from books
@GardenGerty (158131)
• United States
1 Dec 15
When we are being the person that we want to be, sometimes the other person is drawn into the same mindset and almost automatically responds. I hope this is working well for you.
@deaaborfa (63)
• Abuja, Nigeria
24 Nov 15
That is all about relationship knowing what your spouse need to make him/her happy, understanding each other and accepting each other short comings with that you people are going to live together forever,am happy you now know what to do to make him happy so just continue doing that and continue to show him more love and your life will never be miserable
@patgalca (18208)
• Orangeville, Ontario
24 Nov 15
He may not get that today. I warned him that a day was coming where I wouldn't want to get out of bed. I felt that way on Sunday but had things to do so got up. Today that day hit. I've had a headache since last night and he knows I didn't sleep well, so I've only gotten out of bed to watch a taped show. I will be back in bed by the time he gets home from work.
