It Didn't Go At All Well
@just4him (323168)
Green Bay, Wisconsin
January 28, 2016 1:09am CST
This is an update from the "Abuse" post.
I hadn't seen my son all day, fine with me. I planned to tell him he was out of here as soon as he got home. That waited as I was in the middle of my show when he finally showed up and he went immediately to my phone where he was on the phone the entire time I was watching television. You might remember he doesn't have his because he opened a picture that disabled his phone and he had to send it in to get it fixed. It hasn't arrived back yet.
I did tell him he was leaving - now! as soon as he got off the phone and I got my computer back.
I feel like a doormat. Nothing I said, though I was a bit angry because he would not comply, made a dent in what he intended, which is to stay until after his surgery.
I don't know how it will go for the next six weeks. I need a lot of prayer and a lot of patience for the coming weeks. It isn't going to be easy.
I did calm down however, and things are calmer at the moment.
Thanks for reading.
17 people like this
16 responses
@Ladypeace (2028)
• Singapore
28 Jan 16
I live with family members who display violent aggressive tenancies. My dad smashed one of our laptops, my brother slapped and pushed me, broken one of our chairs, overturned our sofa etc. I understand totally what you are going through! Abusive individuals are unable to regulate their emotions, display malice and have their tempers go from 0 to 100 in a split second. They are ticking time bombs. Stay away from him and protect yourself. Definitely make sure he moves out in due time.
5 people like this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104615)
• United States
28 Jan 16
I am sorry that he hasn't left yet. Is there not another family member or friend he can stay with while he recovers from surgery? It isn't good for you to be so worried and stressed over this situation.
2 people like this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104615)
• United States
28 Jan 16
@just4him I am sorry. There's no way he can sty at a rehabilitation center or somewhere within the healthcare system?
2 people like this
@just4him (323168)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
28 Jan 16
@ScribbledAdNauseum To my knowledge we don't have that kind of facility here in Green Bay. I could be wrong, and if one does exist, I doubt he could use it as he has no income at the present time.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
28 Jan 16
rough spot, but your house your rules.
3 people like this
@Elizaby (6902)
• Pensacola, Florida
28 Jan 16
I will be praying. From what I am reading there are many issues between you and your son that need to be resolved that have been festering for many years. I know you are in counseling already, but would suggest that both you and your son take some counseling sessions together with a counselor you both agree to to work through these issues. If he is relunctent you could make it a condition for him to continue to live under your roof.
2 people like this
@just4him (323168)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
28 Jan 16
My counselor suggested that a few sessions ago, but I negated it because I know he would never agree to it. If I even thought for a small moment he would agree to it, I would, but knowing my son as I do, I know it's not an option.
2 people like this
@patgalca (18481)
• Orangeville, Ontario
28 Jan 16
I've scrolled down and read some of the other comments and your responses. It is a tough situation to be in for sure. I hope things get straightened out soon. For some reason guys just don't like going to counselling. I think they don't like to be proven wrong. And if that's the case, then they know they ARE wrong.
1 person likes this
@just4him (323168)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
29 Jan 16
@patgalca That's because men expect women to take care of them just like their mothers did when they were children. Unfortunately my son still expects me to take care of him. I actually stopped doing that when he left home after he turned 18. He's also returned home many times since then.
@arthurchappell (44941)
• Preston, England
28 Jan 16
sounds a frightful situation for you - hope he will take a hint and move out soon
1 person likes this
@just4him (323168)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
28 Jan 16
Unfortunately that won't be until after he's healed from his surgery. Surgery is Feb. 5.
@just4him (323168)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
29 Jan 16
I've done tough love on him all his life.
You can still find my devotions here every day.
@just4him (323168)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
28 Jan 16
Stay out of his way and not lose my temper. We just rub each other the wrong way too often. I grew up in a time when respect was expected, he grew up in a world where respect was given only when he felt like giving it. He has always followed his own rules, even as a young child. It has always been difficult getting him to do what he's supposed to, to mind, and be responsible. I've had difficulty with him since he was born. He's ADHD and bipolar. I've done tough love on him a few times and put him on restraining orders because of his anger issues. Now because he is more stubborn than I am when he doesn't want to do something, I wait it out, and hope I don't fall apart in the process.
@just4him (323168)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
28 Jan 16
It's more than being annoyed, and he's no longer a kid. He's a young man.
@fishtiger58 (29819)
• Momence, Illinois
28 Jan 16
I hope things go well and I know you don't want to bring the police into all this. I hope your decisions are all the right ones for you.
1 person likes this
@fishtiger58 (29819)
• Momence, Illinois
28 Jan 16
@just4him Sometimes that's all you can do.
1 person likes this
@Dena91 (17041)
• United States
28 Jan 16
I think that you need to set up boundaries with him. I'm not really understanding why he didn't leave when you asked him to. He sounds like he will continue to take advantage of you as long as you allow him to. Perhaps, though it would be difficult to do, calling the police at some point would be an eye opening event for him. He would see that when you tell him to leave that you mean for him to get up, gather his stuff and go. How old is your son?
I'm sorry if this sounds a bit harsh but I truly have no patience for people who are disrespectful. You're definitely in my prayers.
1 person likes this
@just4him (323168)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
28 Jan 16
I've been the route of calling the police and putting him on restraining orders in the past. I don't want to go that route again. He knows I'm not bluffing. Yes, he's taking advantage of me and my good will. At the moment things are calm. He's 42.
