Why do women put up with abuse?
@CRK109 (14556)
United States
March 21, 2016 5:47pm CST
I hear so many stories of real life women being in abusive relationships and staying there. And it makes me so sad for them. Life is so much more than allowing yourself to be a punching bag for someone with power issues.
I do understand being in a relationship that's going bad and being afraid to leave because you might end up alone. However, I'd rather be alone than in a bad relationship where there is no chance for any joy at all. Being alone doesn't mean being totally alone anymore.
When my beloved husband passed away, I knew I'd be alone. But I have all of my friends online. All I have to do is turn on the computer to talk with someone or find something to laugh about, or read something interesting or listen to beautiful music. And if I'm really lonely, I can find someone to call and either listen to come to visit for a little while.
I wish I had a magic wand to save women from abusive relationships. Help is out there. All they need is 5 minutes away from their abuser and they can walk away, go to a shelter and disappear. People are so willing to help.
If you know someone who is being abused, please try and find help for them so they can be saved and find a life better suited for them. We need to help those in need as much as we can.
-Claudia-
12 people like this
15 responses
@Morleyhunt (21741)
• Canada
22 Mar 16
They feel trapped. Women are not the only ones in abusive relationships.
3 people like this
@Mike197602 (15504)
• United Kingdom
22 Mar 16
That's true and to be honest I often feel that abused men are ignored with regards to this issue.
I'm sure that there are statistics that show women are way more likely to be abused and that's what I think but also many abused men don't report their abuse so aren't shown on those statistics.
1 person likes this
@CRK109 (14556)
• United States
22 Mar 16
Yes, men are also abused but as we've seen with the men who were abused by the priests of the Catholic Church, many of them suffer in silence long into manhood without ever telling anyone. So there are probably a lot more men who have been abused and we'll never know their stories.
1 person likes this
@Mike197602 (15504)
• United Kingdom
22 Mar 16
@CRK109 the catholic church is an issue on its own.
I've no direct experience but after finding all my relatives that are Irish (I was adopted) I've learned about the subject and the cover ups and it is disgusting to me.
@Mike197602 (15504)
• United Kingdom
22 Mar 16
I think it is a very complicated issue.
From what I've seen abusive relationships take many forms and aren't just restricted to women as jj mentioned.
I think the main thing that crosses the gender divide is loss of self esteem.
2 people like this
@CRK109 (14556)
• United States
22 Mar 16
Well, that could be it. Low self esteem does force people into situations where they normally would not go. So then it's a matter of getting help for them to raise their self esteem. It just makes me very sad that anyone, male or female, could or would be abused for any reason. I guess we don't have enough prisons for the people who spend their lives abusing others. Thanks for your reply on this one, Mike. I really appreciate it.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45941)
• United States
24 Mar 16
I have been in abusive, controlling relationships. My last was one. I was frightened to leave. Not because I would be alone, I was frightened of what he would do.
After months of praying, soul searching, and meditation, I found the strength and courage to leave. It does take a lot to finally leave. I felt I could trust nobody, not even family. But, little by little, I realized who I could trust and they helped me.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45941)
• United States
25 Mar 16
@CRK109 I have seen women who have suffered physical abuse. One of my daughters did suffer. The man is lucky that he was found by police before my husband could get his hand on him.
@CRK109 (14556)
• United States
25 Mar 16
I am so very sorry you had to endure that. I do understand, from what I read and what I hear, that the scariest time is when a woman decides to leave. And I had a cousin who was murdered by her boyfriend when she tried to leave their relationship. I know how real the danger can be. I just hate that it can come to that. I am so happy for you that you were able to get away from the danger!
1 person likes this
@maezee (41985)
• United States
22 Mar 16
I have had friends in this situation who always tell me it would be different if I was actually in their shoes. I guess it must be because I hold the same viewpoint as you. I heard a statistic that an abused woman leaves her boyfriend or husband 6-7 times before actually. Leaving them for good. I think theres a lot of different issues. There is law enforcement which is not always effective, an issue if there are children (going to family court and getting custody), even more complicated if you are financially dependent on someone. But I do think that if people try hard enough they can do it!!!
2 people like this
@CRK109 (14556)
• United States
22 Mar 16
Had I been abused and never read or heard about places to go in times of need, I'm sure I would have stayed, too. When you don't have the information, there isn't much you can do. But sometimes a friend or relative can help. And sometimes the information seems to "magically" appear. I hope your friends have made it out successfully. My heart goes out to them.
@CaptAlbertWhisker (32760)
• Calgary, Alberta
26 Mar 16
Thanks to those romance movies about bad boys, Many women believes their love can change him. They were hoping they can change him. Look how many women who loves 50 shades of Grey, That movie shows a glorified abusive relationship.
1 person likes this
@CRK109 (14556)
• United States
27 Mar 16
I agree with you about 50 Shades. The story horrified me while I had to put up with friends going on and on about how it depicted true love. ugh.
@CaptAlbertWhisker (32760)
• Calgary, Alberta
27 Mar 16
@CRK109 Yeah The last time I check, Being whipped until bruised, getting tortured and electrocuted is not true love.
@JohnRoberts (109841)
• Los Angeles, California
22 Mar 16
That's has always been a puzzling mystery. I also don't understand how abused children sometimes grow up to be abusers themselves.
2 people like this
@Mike197602 (15504)
• United Kingdom
22 Mar 16
You may find this article interesting.
There are quite a few studies around this issue.
LEAD: CHILDREN and adults who were victims of child abuse are coming under intensified study by researchers who hope to learn what distinguishes those who go on to become abusers themselves from those who grow up to be good parents.
@CRK109 (14556)
• United States
22 Mar 16
Your question about the children is easier for me. Children learn what they see and experience. If they see their father abusing their mother, a daughter will find a man to abuse her and a son will grow up to abuse. Not always the case, but many times that happens. It feels familiar to them and since they saw it all around them, they think that's how all families operate. Sad, isn't it? :(
1 person likes this
@dodo19 (48153)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
22 Mar 16
While I was at university, I worked at a shelter for women who were victims of abuse. I did for a summer. There are so many reasons why these women chose to stay. Fear is only part of it. Don't get me wrong, I do think they should leave. No one deserves that kind of treatment. But sometimes it's just hard to really understand.
1 person likes this
@SinfulRose (3527)
• Davao, Philippines
23 Mar 16
There was a time when I saw one of these TEDTalk videos before where the speaker was once an abused woman. She said that she was putting up with the abuse because she thought (as she was "programmed" by her husband) that she was the one at fault at why she was being hit in the first place. In other words, that woman was once a meek person. And the dominant in the relationship used that to his advantage and beat up his wife.
I really don't know how to explain the logic here. But fear kept the women from leaving their abusive husbands. And I can't say I blame them, with all the trauma they've gone through...
1 person likes this
@SinfulRose (3527)
• Davao, Philippines
24 Mar 16
@CRK109 I guess that's law of attraction working for the abusive people. But hey, check this out. I've heard that there was a study conducted--I don't know who did the study--but the study showed that the abusive people are once victims of abuse when they were younger. So it's like a cycle that has been going on for forever. I was mind-blown when I came into that info
Anyways, I'm happy for that speaker in TedTalk. :) When I searched, her name's Leslie Morgan Steiner. Now she's in a happy relationship and she's got a lot of blessings happening to her. And watching that video really changed my perspective about women who were victims of abuse. I recommend that you check it out when you have the time, so that you'll have a deeper understanding. :)
@CRK109 (14556)
• United States
23 Mar 16
Wow, that's fascinating. I suppose abusive people know who will be a willing victim, and how to make them stay no matter what. I don't blame those women for anything. None of it is their fault. Thank you so much for letting me know about this!
@toniganzon (77119)
• Philippines
26 Mar 16
It's sad that there are women and even children being abused. It makes me a bit disappointed that there are even strong successful women who put up with abusive partners or husband. I had a friend who was abused by her husband but she never told me about it and then finally he left her and i felt relieved. Now she's doing well in canada with her son and without the abusive husband.
@Teep11 (7673)
• United States
22 Mar 16
There's many reasons why women choose to stay in abusive relationships and it doesn't always have to do with them fearing loneliness. There has to come a time when women stand up for themselves and not tolerate the abusive behaviors. Some have made the decision to leave and some are not hear to tell us the story.
1 person likes this
@CRK109 (14556)
• United States
22 Mar 16
I know that loneliness is just one reason. That's the one I hear the most. Many of these women don't know where to go and they are too afraid to be left on their own to fend for themselves. I don't know a lot of the other reasons because I don't hear about them.
@nanette64 (20363)
• Fairfield, Texas
22 Mar 16
I was physically, mentally and sexually abused for 17 1/2 years @CRK109 . He isolated me from my family by moving to another state and threatened to kill my mother and daughter if I left. When he called the police to say I'd been missing for 3 days (which I wasn't), I knew what his intention was. When he started beating me, I shot and killed him. At 64, I have permanent physical injuries because of him.
@TiarasOceanView (70020)
• United States
22 Mar 16
It is a very complicated situation sometimes.
Good there is some help available if you can get away that is without being killed first.
