Go or Don't go ? Conflicted mom over here
By Chispa
@Chispa514 (871)
Montreal, Quebec
April 16, 2016 12:56pm CST
Its so beautiful outside, I want to go to the park for the afternoon, BUT, I also don't want to "reward" my daughter for her bad behavior this morning, so I'm torn on what do I do.
Parents out there.....
What would YOU do ?
And if you would go to the park, how would you explain that she is still in trouble for the bad behavior ?
(remember my daughter is special needs, and doesn't process information the way most kids can)
2 people like this
4 responses
@nonersays (3329)
• United States
16 Apr 16
I would not take my sons to the park if they were being punished for their behavior.
However, you said your daughter is special needs. Will she realize that she is being kept home instead of going outside BECAUSE of her bad behavior? It wont work as a punishment if she doesn't realize this.
3 people like this
@Chispa514 (871)
• Montreal, Quebec
16 Apr 16
that's just it, she knows she misbehaved, and keeps promising she'll be good, but I don't know if she fully understands
1 person likes this
@Chispa514 (871)
• Montreal, Quebec
22 Apr 16
@Ruby3881 Well first in the morning, while I slept, she snuck in to the kitchen and ate a whole bowl of sugar, my whole sugarbowl that I keep on the counter for coffee and tea, etc...(the bowl holds about a cup of sugar), and then ate a bunch of cookies and poptarts and chocolates from the fridge. Then, she climbed on a kitchen chair and grabbed scissors out of my crafting box and proceeded to cut the pages of a relatively expensive coloring book I had just bought for her from walmart 2 days prior, as well as made a mess with her toys. So I told her no ipad and no computer time until she cleans up the mess, and she yelled and screamed at the top of her lungs (at 6 in the morning, and the house we live in is old, and the walls are thin, we have a neighbor that sleeps at that hour), called me names and tried to spit at me, so I told her no park till she behaves, and still wouldn't behave. But then hours later when she finally calmed down, I finally took her, but she didn't understand what it was she did wrong. I don't know if its her ASD preventing her from comprehending or if its just cause she's only 5 (will be 6 in july), but I swear sometimes she is like jeckyl and hyde with her mood swings
@Ruby3881 (1963)
• Canada
22 Apr 16
@Chispa514 Do you mind if I ask what she did wrong? You want to try to match the punishment to the crime, so to speak. Make it more of a natural consequence. So for example if she dumped cereal all over the kitchen floor right before you wanted to leave the house, you could make her help you pick up (a natural consequence) and explain to her that the time at the park will be shortened because you had to stop to clean.
This way she isn't deprived of the park. But she has to help put right what she set wrong, before she can go out.
@yukimori (10143)
• United States
16 Apr 16
What I've observed with the special needs kids that I've interacted with is that the consequences for misbehaving need to be immediate. My brother-in-law is special needs and has no concept of time, so if he did something in the morning he wouldn't understand that not going to the park was part of the consequence.
Personally, I'd take the kid to the park and deal with behavioral issues when they happen... but we generally don't consider our kids to be "in trouble" for what they've done. We discuss the issue, give a consequence, and then it's dropped. If the same thing happens again, the consequence is more severe than the previous instance. It happens so rarely that we don't worry about it much, to be honest.
2 people like this
@Mike197602 (15487)
• United Kingdom
16 Apr 16
What about dads
...not that I am one
...not that I am one1 person likes this
@Chispa514 (871)
• Montreal, Quebec
16 Apr 16
Sorry, let me fix that, I just copied and pasted from my fb, and most of the dads on my fb don't really ever give their opinions
1 person likes this
@Mike197602 (15487)
• United Kingdom
16 Apr 16
@Chispa514 I was only joking...well mostly, I think parents is better than just mums personally.
Anyway I'm not a parent but have looked after my nieces for long periods of time so I have some idea of what it takes.
I don't know what sort of special needs your daughter has but I do agree with the other responder that she needs to understand why she's being punished.
You said she knows about misbehaving but does she understand the link between misbehaving and consequences?
If she does then, in my opinion, you shouldn't go but if she doesn't get it then go and find another way of disciplining her.
What have you done with regards to discipline prior to this?
...well mostly, I think parents is better than just mums personally.
Anyway I'm not a parent but have looked after my nieces for long periods of time so I have some idea of what it takes.
I don't know what sort of special needs your daughter has but I do agree with the other responder that she needs to understand why she's being punished.
You said she knows about misbehaving but does she understand the link between misbehaving and consequences?
If she does then, in my opinion, you shouldn't go but if she doesn't get it then go and find another way of disciplining her.
What have you done with regards to discipline prior to this?1 person likes this
@Chispa514 (871)
• Montreal, Quebec
16 Apr 16
@Mike197602 taken away her ipad for the day, and took the cable from the tv so she can't watch her cartoons for the day either, but that didn't deter her, she continued to behave badly. (and she's on the autism spctrum)
@Ruby3881 (1963)
• Canada
22 Apr 16
I'm not sure about her level of functioning, but especially when it comes to special needs kids, it's best not to withdraw really favourite activities if at all possible. Going to the park might actually help to modulate her behaviour, as well. So I'd avoid taking it away unless it's over something that happened during an outing to the park.
If she's misbehaved, you could try to give her an opportunity to "earn" the park back. Again, not sure where she's at, but we have our Bug do simple chores like taking out the garbage, transferring laundry to the dryer, putting away dishes, etc.
We draw a happy face on a piece of paper, a little bit at a time, as he gets the chores done. He's 16 and used to doing chores despite his lower mental age. So we usually get him to do 3+ chores to earn a special treat (or to earn back a lost privilege.)
At school, they have an already drawn happy face and they put clothespins on it. He needs three clothespins over the course of the day, to earn a privilege like going swimming. If he's not behaving, they take away a clothespin and let him chill a bit. Then they give him another chance to earn it back.
Would something like this work with your daughter? (Simplify as necessary...)
@Chispa514 (871)
• Montreal, Quebec
22 Apr 16
Honestly, I really do think something like hat would help her, I never even thought of that ! Thanks for the advice !
1 person likes this
@Ruby3881 (1963)
• Canada
22 Apr 16
@Chispa514 I hadn't thought of it either, until the Bug's teacher mentioned it!
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