I'm A Big Baby and Need Some Help

Tweet

I overheard part of a conversation today between my daughter and her boyfriend. She was mad at me and telling him she was not my slave. I had asked her about what she might fix for a meal and when she would do it. Just wondered. I was very hurt by this. When she is not in her manic phase she is pretty good to me. Sure I should do more but I have resigned myself to my room several years ago and am so out of shape that even on a good day I couldn't do much around here. I have asked her to help me get a bath. I have told her I wanted to start walking and do it at night maybe when she goes out to start with. I was diagnosed with severe depression with panic attacks back in 2006 and so I have very little energy or ambition. I go through this every summer. She feels put upon and usually just takes off to her boyfriend's for a few days leaving me to fend for myself. He doesn't have a car and lives quite a ways away so I doubt she will do that. I won't go in the kitchen due to how she does things. Moldy dishes, dirty counter, etc. So, I either send out for something to be delivered or I do without. I did go down last summer and get a little out of the frig. Ugh! So, here it is happening again. Her upset with me wondering what the plan is and asking a few questions. Her having her boyfriend over and them talking in hushed voices. Her horrible attitude toward me. My grandson--- who knows what he thinks when all of this is going on. I feel more isolated than usual and really don't know what to do. Last year I started proceedings with my grand daughter to move in with her and her boyfriend as they were moving back from Oregon and looking for a place and room mate. I renigged after a could of weeks after talking to my daughter's social worker. "You know she couldn't make it without you," she told me. Yes, I know. I don't think my grandson would fair very well. I make sure a schedule is kept while school is on but with simmer it becomes sketchy at best. That is why I came back here to live back in 2009 after she had had a real bad manic phase lasting four long months. I moved out. I wrote a contract and had her sign it that told her how she made me and her son feel when she was manic. She had nearly begged me to come back to live and help her raise her son. She and her kids are the only family I have left. She knew it was hard for me, due to arthritis, to climb up and down these stairs so she brought me my dinner and ran errands for me. She is fine with that until she gets manic. I figure she sure can do it all. I did all she does and held down a full time job. This morning I have started looking for numbers to call on Monday. I do this every time. She gets like this and I get to feeling so very low. Not a part of this family unit. Wishing I had never come back here. I flip flop and will probably get to feeling better after a few days/weeks. But, for now I want to see about getting myself a case manager, some help with counseling, get to feeling strong again. Meet some people and not have my only outlet my daughter, my grandson and folks on Mylot. I have no transportation so I have to figure what I can do. I really need some help. I am so sorry that my posts lately have been negative and about my daughter, no food and the situation here right now.