Is it Human Nature to Take Advantage?
By Shiva
@Shiva49 (28380)
Singapore
May 29, 2016 10:58pm CST
I have had a long work life spanning over forty years spread across few countries. I have worked within different cultures too and enjoyed the variety.
I have found that nothing much separates people and their general behavior; most want to contribute, be helpful, and then left alone. Then there are the few judging another for “loopholes” to take advantage of their helpful nature. I think it is more of a habit than for real need. This happens also within families.
I am one who avoids seeking help of any nature and if at all needed I explain the situation and then give my word how I will respond to the help extended. On one occasion, I needed financial help but I told the person that he need not help and our relationship would not be affected. I couldn’t keep my word and I apologized for the delay and assured him I will find a way to repay the amount involved on the date promised if he wanted.
I have always believed in being upfront on issues when help is sought. However, I have found few taking advantage of the kindness and the help given is hardly acknowledged. It has happened few times and I end up more embarrassed than them that they carry on as if nothing has happened.
This seems akin to “one bad apple spoils the bunch” and leaves a bad taste in the mouth. We lose faith in others though the majority can be trusted.
I am sure you have all have had similar experiences to share.
9 people like this
7 responses
@hereandthere (45628)
• Philippines
30 May 16
some have gotten into complicated situations because they agreed to co-sign big loans then the other party disappeared.
2 people like this
@hereandthere (45628)
• Philippines
30 May 16
@Shiva49 in some cases, it's someone they know and trust so they feel betrayed
2 people like this
@Shiva49 (28380)
• Singapore
30 May 16
@hereandthere It can even be a close family member who we cannot refuse like a sibling, niece, nephew. We can be portrayed as a villain if we do - siva
2 people like this
@Shiva49 (28380)
• Singapore
30 May 16
That is common.
It looks simple when people approach and say they need "just a co-guarantor" and it is no big deal.
But down the line we realize the folly we have gotten into.
"Ignorance of law is no excuse" and that applies to the ignorant and naive! siva
2 people like this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
30 May 16
Thankfully, I have never sought money from beyond my work. There was a phase when I was penniless for a few months but still I did not ask for money or loans. You know, in India, in some of the cities (and more in villages) those grocery stores from whom you buy regularly will give you the stock and you can pay later. I was offered too by my shopkeeper, but I always denied it. My take is money spoils relationships.
and of course, I have a set of people (friends ?) who had asked for loans - in the range of 100-300 USD (of today) back during college time and even after that. and most of them never returned to repay the loan back. I realized it sooner and have kept money away. Today, all know, I am financially unstable and as such not many come for favors.
The last "donation" was 10,000 INR a couple of years back when my aunt needed money for her surgery. I was against that surgery as she was too weak to survive the brain surgery. I managed to persuade her family (daughters and son) not to opt in for the surgery. And later they were told it was no brain tumor. I have never cared to ask the money back from either her or her children... though they all have been promising me that very soon, it would be repaid.
2 people like this
@Shiva49 (28380)
• Singapore
31 May 16
The money I borrowed for the first time and, hopefully, the last time was for a short period and was fully secured. Then I realized how tough it was to get someone to lend me while I had given based on promise to repay.
I recall one friend who had offered to lend me money for a startup but I refused it politely as I knew the risks involved. We all find ourselves in situations where someone pays in advance and we have to repay them. I tell them every time to remind me as I may forget.
It is always a touchy matter when money is lent or borrowed. The sad part is few pretend after borrowing that it is a non issue. Some give outrageous excuses like they were cheated of the money lent to them! And they want closure on that account! I remember one case where a person borrowed and pretended later to be mentally unstable and that led to the lender becoming depressed!
Yes borrowing and lending is a sensitive matter for most but some are experts and even make a living out of borrowing - borrow from B to repay A and it goes on forever - siva
1 person likes this
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
30 May 16
Most people are shameless when they need money.
After they have gotten the money, they become proud, and they forget the goodwill of the lender.
I think that is part of the characteristics of a person, but we do not realize it until we are in the same situation.
2 people like this
@Shiva49 (28380)
• Singapore
30 May 16
Yes, they change afterwards to an extent to ask what is the fuss about?
One had the cheek to tell me when reminded of the loan given to him - "many owe me money too"!
That means just forget about it!
Of course, I don't give to an extent to put myself in misery and know few might not be able to repay. But the attitude matters. some just do not care - siva
2 people like this
@JudyEv (382068)
• Rockingham, Australia
30 May 16
People seem to find it really hard to admit to not being able to come good on their promises so they say nothing. I think this is doubly hurtful to the benefactor - firstly that he doesn't get repaid in whatever way was promised and secondly that the person doesn't seem to care.
2 people like this
@Shiva49 (28380)
• Singapore
30 May 16
Yes, the sad part is they don't care. Once money is in their hands some change overnight
If those who took money repaid me I could have helped more with real needs.
I worked for a rich man and he related how those who borrowed from him under one pretext or another travel business class while he travels economy.
Another told me on being partners with others - my money becomes theirs while theirs remain with them! siva
3 people like this
@Iam_jauntyjen (5452)
•
1 Jun 16
A friend borrowed money from me in 2013 until.now i haven't been paid.She is broke and is a single parent. I wanted to ask her to return the money but whenever I see her poor social condition I feel sorry for her.
1 person likes this
@Iam_jauntyjen (5452)
•
13 Jul 16
@Shiva49 just saw your comment now. These days i have trying to be patient with this woman I had mentioned.Yes, she is playing hide and seek too. I asked to deposit the money from selling pieces of jewelry to my bank account but she would not do.(we are selling jewelry) . Few weeks later, she apologized that she had used the money.So i told just return the pieces of jewelry that were not sold but she has been delaying our meeting.
1 person likes this
@Shiva49 (28380)
• Singapore
1 Jun 16
There is one elderly lady who is not repaying but she tries to avoid us.
I don't mind her not repaying, but why play hide and seek?
The better way would be to tell us she is not able to repay now, and maybe a word of regret in going back on her promise - siva
1 person likes this
@Shiva49 (28380)
• Singapore
14 Jul 16
@Iam_jauntyjen It is typical behavior of some to keep us guessing and thereby wasting our time too!
They transfer their problems that we were not aware of earlier to us.
That is quite unfair going back on their words with excuses after excuses - siva
1 person likes this
@innertalks (23740)
• Australia
30 May 16
Some of us are too trusting, and so we can be exploited because of this. It is funny though that when you place full trust in another person, they will often lift their own work ethics, and make good on the trust being extended to them.
I once perhaps foolishly paid a concreter to concrete inside my shed once, in advance, before he had even done/started on the job. He never turned up on the day agreed too. I rang him up and the story was that his pick-up truck had broken down.
This then went on then for many more weeks, excuse after excuse. He had been given a huge job to finish first in a shopping centre, was another excuse. His wife had to be taken to the hospital, on another day.
Funnily enough though, I always thought that my initial trusting of the look of this guy must be correct, never the less.
He did eventually turn up, and he went the extra mile, and he made a footpath from the house down to the shed for me too, at no extra cost.
My trust was vindicated that time around...next time...who knows??
@Shiva49 (28380)
• Singapore
30 May 16
For me trust does work wonders and lifts my work ethic too.
I go very much out of the way beyond the call of duty.
I think most value the trust placed and feel elevated.
Bu we have to be wary of the few who have no conscience and there are the many naive.
Even on the internet some are on the prowl looking for easy meat.
They pretend to be genuine and offer software for free but on signing up we find it is for trial for short period and not easy to get released from their arm lock! siva
1 person likes this
@innertalks (23740)
• Australia
30 May 16
@Shiva49 Yes, there are so many scams around now, some really do have no conscience or scruples at all, especially taking advantage of older people and the naive like you said.
1 person likes this
@Shiva49 (28380)
• Singapore
30 May 16
@innertalks Even reputed telephone companies seem to collude with the unscrupulous.
Few times my telephone bills hit the roof and on close scrutiny I found third party charges that I was not aware of. When I took up with the telephone company they said I might have signed up. And to get out of the vicious clutches I had to fight tooth and nail battles!
Another, when data charges running into hundreds of dollars when we visit another country. I found many were victims but they leave such a scar - once bitten it is more like lifelong shy! siva
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