It's like falling in love each day with him...

Tweet

...that is what arranged marriages are about. Mostly people (most commonly from the western countries), seem to confuse arranged marriage with a forced marriage. In their terms, an arranged marriage is something where the parents have arbitrarily decided on, with no thought or considerations to child's wishes. In part, it's true where parents are the decision makers. But the part where the consent or the wishes of the child are not asked for and taken into consideration is false. The actual definition of arranged marriage is: a marriage that is established before a long-term (often forever) relationship . It is complete opposite of love marriages where relationship is soldiered with marriage as the last step. How does it work? Usually, a prospective groom for a girl is searched out when she has graduated or she is in her mid to late twenties. For boys, it is when they are well-settled and ready to take care of families of their own (usually around 30). Parents/elders/relatives bring in profiles of prospective partners through their contacts or through matrimonial sites. The profiles are checked and selected according to their age, education, family background, religion, city, occupation, field of study, likes, preferences, etc. Note: The person for whom the profiles are being searched through is involved in the process. Selected profiles are then contacted and a meeting is arranged between the families. A neutral place like a temple, restaurant, park, etc. is selected for the meeting and it can be at the home itself. During the meeting, the girl and the boy are given the opportunity to converse in privacy to feel each other out. (Not literally! LOL!) Both the families depart without any commitment so that they can think things through and discuss the matter separately. Again note that either of the individual is not exclusive to each other They can and do meet other prospective partners whose confidentiality is maintained on both sides. If the person to be married from both sides want to take the next step, another chaperoned meeting is arranged. This time the whole family is not present. After usually two or three such meetings, they either give their consent to marry or move on to the next person. When the “right” person is finally found/selected by both individuals, an informal engagement takes place. Between the formal engagement and the wedding, usually there is a gap of almost six months or may be more to give the engaged couple some time to develop a romantic relationship. No sex involved! It is just getting to know each other better through chaperoned or un-chaperoned dates and phone calls. If at this point of time, the couple feels that they are marrying the wrong person, the wedding can be called off. In India, marriages are for life. So, every possible thing that can lead to problems in the long term for the couple’s relationship is taken into consideration before entering into a marriage. That is how I have seen my cousins get married! At least those who had arranged marriages. Yes, there have been love marriages too and they are welcomed too. To be honest, I personally will prefer an arranged marriage for myself. It’s absurd how a couple can date for years and still not know if they want to get married or not. Make note that I have been introduced to couple of prospective grooms. Not once did my parents pressure me into marrying any one of those. They give me options and ask for my consent. If I say "No", the most they do is ask me the reason or tease and joke but they never force. They just move on to other things. This was the "how" of arranged marriages. I will get back to you with "why" of it soon. Below is an one on one short interview of a newly wedded couple. It might give you more insight. (Photo by Pixabay)