Too stuck in their culture...
By DJ
@Daljinder (23193)
Bangalore, India
June 10, 2016 10:17am CST
... to ever open their eyes to understand other cultures. Then they say and believe to belong to an "open-minded", "evolved", "advanced" and “modern” culture or background or country.
The main point of writing the post about Arranged marriages was to clear some pre-conceived notions, plethora of misconceptions and to introduce you to our culture and our traditions. I would have done this post back in February when I did the post on Indian weddings. I didn’t though!
What stopped me?
The reason was the title of this post itself. This applies to some of myLot members (westerners and non-westerners alike) that I don't want to name.
I am sorry to say this but belonging and living in the west does not give anyone the title or make one the “open-minded” person one believe oneself to be. In fact, to whichever culture one belong, it does not make one superior to others.
If you don’t understand something, your comments/thoughts/remarks are understandable. But when you even refuse to understand or aren't interested in learning or being open to other ideas then they sure as heck aren’t understandable.
I find it ironic that belonging to a conservative family and having grown up in a traditional household, I do not judge your ways of life/lifestyle which I assure you are complete opposite of each other. Believe me I have plenty of things to judge you on. No joke!
But I don’t because I understood and accepted you as you.
Why can’t you show the same courtesy to me or us Indians (including other cultures)?
Don’t confuse having a good time joking around or discussing certain topics amicably as you accepting us as us. And sure as heck do not confuse you asking about things just because you are supposed to as accepting us as us.
Sentences like “It happens in your culture and not in mine”….. LOL! It’s good you are proud of your culture but don’t look down upon mine/our culture. No one gave you the right!
Just because our mothers call us to ask “Did you have lunch/dinner?” regardless of our ages, does not mean that we are “pampered” or never “grow up”.
But why would you care to listen to whatever I have to say or explain? Because you don’t care and don’t have the desire to remove the blindfold from your eyes.
You are happy being ignorant!
Note: This post has nothing to do with any of the responses or comments on my post on “arranged marriages” except one and that was of @JudyEv. She unintentionally reminded me of some things and pointed out how certain cultures suffer from the ignorance shown towards them. There need to be awareness about it. I agreed.
Whew! Rant over...
It's a sincere request that if you do not have the patience and desire to open yourself to different ideas/cultures, kindly refrain from making any careless remarks and comments regarding them.
Thank You!
(Photo by Pixabay)
8 people like this
9 responses
@just4him (323168)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
10 Jun 16
I really hope I've never made any careless remarks. I really want to know and understand other cultures. I know they are different from mine, and I respect that. I really do. Everything I've read from around the world has given me some great insight to our natural differences, even in the language and the terms in that language that I might not have heard before. I'm always eager to learn, and don't want anyone to think I'm better than anyone else, because I know I'm not. I know there is a lot about my culture that you wouldn't want anything to do with and a lot about your culture that I wish was the way it was here.
6 people like this
@just4him (323168)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
10 Jun 16
@Daljinder And that's the great thing about the different cultures. They show me at least that though we have our differences, we are all the same underneath. We all eat, breath, communicate and enjoy the beauty of the world around us. After that it's discovery time and I love discovery time.
3 people like this
@Daljinder (23193)
• Bangalore, India
10 Jun 16
@just4him Even if you did (which you hadn't) I will not be upset because I know that you do not mean any harm. It would be an honest slip and not intentional.
LOL! Yes there are plenty of differences. Yours suits you and mine suits me and that's that. But it does not make either of us better than the other.
3 people like this
@JudyEv (381950)
• Rockingham, Australia
11 Jun 16
Another thought-provoking post. Sometimes there seems to be an condescending attitude that western culture is 'superior' in some way and, while other cultures are all very well, they're not really up to scratch. This, of course, is nonsense but I do come across such attitudes quite often.
4 people like this
@Daljinder (23193)
• Bangalore, India
8 Jul 16
@JudyEv Same here! Although once I come across such attitude I naturally shy away from them. I don't enjoy confrontation.
1 person likes this
@hora_fugit (5859)
• India
11 Jun 16
My goodness! 
This indeed is a hard hitting post. As mentioned below, appears like a complete revolt against all and sundry...but I do understand you meant it for some people of a particular mindset (to be clear I don't know who those people might be
)
Today I was mentally going through your post and recalling some comments there and then wandered into general thoughts about our culture. The comment about being pampered was there too :)
As I am writing this, trying to remember what started that chain of thoughts.... maybe something about boys not growing up... Ah well, off topic!
So, I just thought and thought and thought again.... that's all to it. Can't write that out the way you can. Nor did I feel angry...lol
As an aside, there used to be a great Indian lady who once lost her cool when she thought one of the senior member here (highly regarded then and highly regarded now) had made derogatory reference to us and our country. He did not. What was pathetic actually: her own compatriots jumped on her. She, an elderly lady, was furious and left forever.
Not sure why I am mentioning that, but that was something I regret even now and wanted to tell. Would need your input to know why of this though.... : )
Some of our friends here are very sensitive, they may not like it all. Just mentioning... keeping a few of them in my mind... 
This indeed is a hard hitting post. As mentioned below, appears like a complete revolt against all and sundry...but I do understand you meant it for some people of a particular mindset (to be clear I don't know who those people might be)
Today I was mentally going through your post and recalling some comments there and then wandered into general thoughts about our culture. The comment about being pampered was there too :)
As I am writing this, trying to remember what started that chain of thoughts.... maybe something about boys not growing up... Ah well, off topic!
So, I just thought and thought and thought again.... that's all to it. Can't write that out the way you can. Nor did I feel angry...lol
As an aside, there used to be a great Indian lady who once lost her cool when she thought one of the senior member here (highly regarded then and highly regarded now) had made derogatory reference to us and our country. He did not. What was pathetic actually: her own compatriots jumped on her. She, an elderly lady, was furious and left forever.
Not sure why I am mentioning that, but that was something I regret even now and wanted to tell. Would need your input to know why of this though.... : )
Some of our friends here are very sensitive, they may not like it all. Just mentioning... keeping a few of them in my mind... 2 people like this
@ricki_911 (21625)
• Toronto, Ontario
10 Jun 16
I think many do not try and understand others way of living.I have met number of people especially here on MyLot fromall over. It is neat to see how they live, and do things.But then they don't want to see how we live either.
3 people like this
@ricki_911 (21625)
• Toronto, Ontario
8 Jul 16
@Daljinder 
We all need to come together and show each other different ways of living.
We all need to come together and show each other different ways of living.1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23193)
• Bangalore, India
8 Jul 16
@ricki_911 Yeah It doesn't hurt getting to know one another.
@jaboUK (64346)
• United Kingdom
10 Jun 16
Just picking up on the 'it happens in your culture, not mine' - I don't know the context in which it was said to you, but I would hardly regard that as a derogatory remark. It's more like just a statement of fact - i.e, arranged marriages just don't happen in Western culture.
I would have thought that the responses you got on that post would have shown you that most of us are interested in your culture, and we were grateful to you for explaining this particular aspect of it.
So no - we are not happy being ignorant,
3 people like this
@jaboUK (64346)
• United Kingdom
10 Jun 16
@Daljinder I know you didn't particularly mean that this applied to that post - I was just using it as an example.
I felt you were generalising too much here. I can understand you attacking specific individuals if they had shown insensitivity towards you, even though you couldn't name them. However you should have made it clear if that was the case. Your post as it stands comes across as attacking all of your readers who belong to another culture, as in the following statements :
"I am sorry to say this but you belonging and living in the west does not give you the title or make you the “open-minded” person you believe yourself to be."
and "But why would you care to listen to whatever I have to say or explain? Because you don’t care and don’t have the desire to remove the blindfold from your eyes."
So you do see why my hackles were somewhat raised at that, even though I didn't think you were targeting me, as I had shown great interest and empathy towards you. Indeed, I sent quite a few others to that arranged marriage post, so that they could understand a little of your culture too.
Obviously there will still be bigots and people who think they are better than others, but that's in any culture and in any walk of life.
3 people like this
@Daljinder (23193)
• Bangalore, India
10 Jun 16
No, @JaboUK, I specifically mentioned that this post has nothing to do with the responses or comments on that post. None of them were derogatory or even rude at all.
It's just when Judy mentioned something about ignorance, it reminded me of some comments I tend to ignore because trying to explain to those people is like pulling teeth.
Don't take it personally please. I didn't intend to target you. I can't take any names here. So, I had to use the general context. I am sorry!
'It happens in your culture, not mine' is a remark made a couple of months back. That person still does it but I kind of avoid that person. It was made in context to abuse towards females. To my understanding, this is something that happens in several parts of the world and is not culture specific. Despite my mentioning of that, the person wasn't very open to that.
So, yes it is a remark I do not find acceptable when used in that context.
3 people like this
@Daljinder (23193)
• Bangalore, India
11 Jun 16
@jaboUK Damn! I see what you are talking about. 
I am sorry again!
I am very busy these days. Coming to myLot and commenting/posting has become a hit and miss thing to me now. I had written this post in a hurry. I made some changes in the main post.
I understand that it happens in all walks of life. There are/will be such persons in every culture. That is world at large. But this is myLot where the West makes the majority. I am not even talking about a handful of people.
Beside that they have quite a good following. They are generally good people among people from their own culture. The change in attitude only comes when interacting with minorities.
To tell you the truth, the friends I made here from west, they are all good to me and do not carelessly comment on my lifestyle/life/culture. They ask for clarification when something they don't understand. That is good, isn't it?
The catch here is that those same friends (not all mind you) will be condescending to a person from my culture/background because they aren't their friends. So, hurting their sentiments won't matter much.
Should I feel lucky/privileged that I have been awarded leeway because I have their friendship in such case?
This is not just about me. I only used my example to point this out. I had been wanting to point it out but was wary of hurting any of my friends.
This needed to be said. If it had been once in a while kind of thing, it would be fine. But it happens quite a lot here in myLot. I am not talking in terms of whole world.
I am sorry again!
I am very busy these days. Coming to myLot and commenting/posting has become a hit and miss thing to me now. I had written this post in a hurry. I made some changes in the main post.
I understand that it happens in all walks of life. There are/will be such persons in every culture. That is world at large. But this is myLot where the West makes the majority. I am not even talking about a handful of people.
Beside that they have quite a good following. They are generally good people among people from their own culture. The change in attitude only comes when interacting with minorities.
To tell you the truth, the friends I made here from west, they are all good to me and do not carelessly comment on my lifestyle/life/culture. They ask for clarification when something they don't understand. That is good, isn't it?
The catch here is that those same friends (not all mind you) will be condescending to a person from my culture/background because they aren't their friends. So, hurting their sentiments won't matter much.
Should I feel lucky/privileged that I have been awarded leeway because I have their friendship in such case?
This is not just about me. I only used my example to point this out. I had been wanting to point it out but was wary of hurting any of my friends.
This needed to be said. If it had been once in a while kind of thing, it would be fine. But it happens quite a lot here in myLot. I am not talking in terms of whole world.3 people like this
@Shiva49 (28375)
• Singapore
10 Jun 16
We should try to understand other cultures before jumping to conclusions.
With regard to beliefs I have found intolerance a real issue.
Most tend to take theirs as the gospel truth but dismiss others as not even worth a look.
Everything cuts both ways, has a duality attached to it.
We should look at positives but keep negatives in mind.
Our ego and pride are our downfall.
Regarding arranged marriages it was not like the girls were married against their wishes but some who were hog the limelight.
It was more of love after marriage - not like before as it happens now! siva
2 people like this
@Shiva49 (28375)
• Singapore
8 Jul 16
@Daljinder We have to accept some intolerance to keep us awake to the reality of the world.
myLot is a good site with administrators on the ball - siva
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23193)
• Bangalore, India
8 Jul 16
@Shiva49 Very well said!
myLot is the only site that I came across who has shown the tolerance among the members here. But it is still not devoid of intolerance completely.
1 person likes this
@psanasangma (7910)
• India
20 Jun 16
Yes I agree with you, We cannot comments on this unless you know the values.
I am also from India living with mixed culture in term of marriage where most of the marriage are arrange and fixed by parents and whereas on other side of India Northeast India we can opt our choice where parents gives freedom. Even though in some society marriage are still arranged.
We cannot comment on this as its been followed years and years where advantages and disadvantages are possibilities. Besides there are many do and don't differs from state to state also.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
4 Aug 16
@Daljinder I felt the tension coming out of the laptop while reading this! I agree with everything you said dude.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
6 Aug 16
@Daljinder I didn't see it over the top. You were just expressing how you felt at the time.
1 person likes this
@responsiveme (22923)
• India
25 Jun 16
I too am becoming aware of the differences in different cultures, BUT thats what a global community is all about...
Its the attitude, I can feel some people are so very open and friendly. Others stay away, its their choice.I am glad I cam in contact with the first group.:)
As for being Indian ..."We are like that only" 
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23193)
• Bangalore, India
8 Jul 16
@responsiveme I am glad that I came in contact with the open people too.
@responsiveme (22923)
• India
9 Jul 16
@Daljinder me too.getting addicted to my new community in myLot :)
