Teenagers!!

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So I live with my daughter and grandson. She asked me several years ago to help her raise her son and I committed to do so. She is bi-polar and has a slight learning disability due to the ambilical cord being wrapped around her neck several times at birth. Her disability isn't really discernable unless you are around her alot. My grandson has characteristics of ODD(Oppositional Defiance Disorder) although his diagnosis has been upgraded and he is supposed to be better now. In some ways he is, some ways he is still ODD. My reason for writing this post is sort of to vent. My daughter doesn't like confrontation. She will walk all the way around a situation not to have a confrontation. She is also a Libra which means she is very indecisive, weighs everything. So, my grandson can be VERY confrontational. I am the authoratarian and I revisit parenting techniques and remind my daughter of things she needs to do as a parent. She has gotten much better but, still will not make his respect and mind her. When something happens and he won't do something or is misbehaving I am the one who reminds her of what she needs to do. If she won't/can't then that is where I kick in. Last night he came upstairs and was begging her to come do something for him. She was resting and wouldn't do it. It wasn't something real important just something he wanted. I had had enough and I told him to think of her alittle bit. That he needed to be more thoughtful of his mom. He told me to shut up. I let into him good on that. He screeched at me that he doesn't have to listen to me. That I am just trying to manipulate him. Ugh! (Is that what it is now? Parental figures are 'manipulating' their kids to do what is right?) I was brought up to respect adults and in this situation I am taking up the slack where there is no male role. Cami just will not stand up to him. Well, sometimes she will but at this late date (He is nearly 14) Someone needs to. It is very hard. Part of it is teenage stuff and part of it is the ODD characteristics and his personality and way of thinking. I have gone round and round with him. Alot of the time he and I can discuss things rationally and calmly. But, I just get very tired of hearing him trying to order his mom around. It is like he doesn't have to listen to me. She is like putty in his hand. He orders her to do stuff. Neither of them will go to counseling which I think would help alot. He will keep on her until she does whatever. She needs to demand his respect. She is doing a lot better. In the last ten years she has come a lot way. But, there is still the abnormal way we have to live. And he is a big boy and intimidating. I had a dream long ago, when he was still quite young, that my daughter was backed up against the frig in the kitchen and he was towering over her saying:" You want me to do what, Mom?" So I have had this anxiety for many years now. I saw it coming. What's a grandma to do?