MyLot friends, what would you do in this case?
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
United States
August 28, 2016 7:11am CST
I thought I would throw this out there to get your opinion on this. Here's the issue:
In early July a friend's daughter got married. We were invited to the wedding but weren't able to attend due to other commitments. I mailed a very nice card and a check to them around the same time.
I know they were received, as she thanked me on Facebook and in a u-tube video. It was fun to see our names 'up in lights'. However the check still has not been cashed.
I am one of those old fashioned people who balances my checkbook so I have to remember that the check is still outstanding. And I am also one of those people who wonder why they have not cashed it LOL.
I am at a loss - do I mention it to the mother or to the new bride? Do I let it go and bite the bullet and hope they cash it before it expires?
This is a minor issue, but one that bugs me a little.
Help....please.
Photo: pixabay.com/en/word-many-help-button-icon-895582/
37 people like this
43 responses
@MALUSE (69413)
• Germany
28 Aug 16
"...they cash it before it expires..." --- I think this is the important point. They may not know it (We very rarely use checks and I wouldn't think of an expiry date, either) and save the check for a bigger acquisition they're planning. I'd talk to the mother and tell her to inform the daughter. They may be grateful.
5 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
28 Aug 16
I looked on the checks and there is no 'expiration' date - or 'good until' or whatever the phrase is. Maybe they forgot about it?
2 people like this
@vandana7 (98830)
• India
28 Aug 16
@AbbyGreenhill ...Usually, it is three months from the date of issue. So if you have dated it, it is valid for three months only. It used to be six months before that. I think Basel rules may have had something to do with bringing down that period of validity. Can't say for sure.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
28 Aug 16
@vandana7 I looked on the checks it says nothing..I'll ask the bank tomorrow since now I'm curious.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98830)
• India
28 Aug 16
My kinda person. Let me hazard an innocent guess...the check is lost, and they don't know how to tell you...would look like they are asking you...right? If I were you, I would call the new bride and tell her, sweetie did you lose my wedding gift check? If she says how did you know, tell her I am the fairy godmother, I know everything...then go block that check you issue to them, and issue a fresh one. This time you can give in person and exchange hugs and kisses...the American style. :)
3 people like this
@vandana7 (98830)
• India
28 Aug 16
@AbbyGreenhill ... Likely...then what you have in mind is the right way to go about it.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
28 Aug 16
I don't know her well enough to call her - LOL...they live many states away from me so in person isn't going to happen. If this was a gift for a friend it would be a different story..but this is a daughter of an acquaintance....not like the mom and I have coffee and chat daily. I am going to tell the mom that I'm wondering if the gift got lost when they moved and let her handle it.
2 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
28 Aug 16
@vandana7 I already sent her a message - its in her hands now.
1 person likes this
@Asylum (47893)
• Manchester, England
28 Aug 16
I would definitely contact them and enquire as to the reason. Simply tell them that you noticed and was curious as to whether there was a problem.
A cheque could easily be damaged, such as spilling coffee over it. It could also have been misplaced or lost, in which case you could cancel it and replace it.
I would have a similar concern, although it would not affect my finance tracking. I monitor my finances with a spreadsheet instead of by my account balance, so I deduct cheque payments ot debit card payments immediately to show my available resources.
1 person likes this
@Asylum (47893)
• Manchester, England
28 Aug 16
@AbbyGreenhill I was not aware that stopping a cheque would carry a fee.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
28 Aug 16
@Asylum yes, the bank charges for most things. We do get free checks since we're old but to stop payment costs - so I'd rather just let it go.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
28 Aug 16
I take pride in balancing my checkbook - so I can't balance it - bank always has more money than me...It cots more than the check is for to put a stop payment on it I always know to the penny how much money is my my accounts.
1 person likes this
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
28 Aug 16
I would most likely tell them to encash it, our society is different, Filipinos tend to make a joke even in direst situations, we can say things like " you probably have lots of money that's why you do not need my gift" nobody would take offense and probably everybody would end up laughing, but then again this is Philippine society that is unique to us.
Checks here expires after exactly one year.
2 people like this
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
28 Aug 16
@AbbyGreenhill Yep, different cultures have different sensitivities.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
28 Aug 16
That made me laugh but the people who I gave the gift too don't have a lot of money so they surely would not think it was funny. I guess ours expire after a year also. Thanks for the laugh
1 person likes this
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
28 Aug 16
if they don't plan to use it yet, they could deposit it into their bank account. maybe you can mention the expiration to the mom?
3 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
28 Aug 16
I think the mom is the best way to do it.
2 people like this
@Happy2BeMe (99399)
• Canada
28 Aug 16
It is funny how they have never cashed it. I would maybe mention it to your friend, the mother, just in casual conversation. If it is something that is bothering you then yes you should bring it up.
2 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
28 Aug 16
We only talk online, we hardly see each other. I hate to make a big issue of it, but then I get to thinking maybe the check 'fell out of' the envelope. and they didn't get it.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
28 Aug 16
@Happy2BeMe It is possible they 'forgot' about it...I never forget money or try not to.
2 people like this
@Happy2BeMe (99399)
• Canada
28 Aug 16
@AbbyGreenhill I would mention that concern to them then. Just send them a message and say no noticed that the check hasn't been cashed.
2 people like this
@Bluedoll (16774)
• Canada
29 Aug 16
Can never ignore a help. If it was me I would never say another word. If a gift or money gift is rejected let it be and if it something they are banking and it expires because of their forgetfulness let them bring the conversation up not you? That is what I would do. Rest easy you did your best.
1 person likes this
@Bluedoll (16774)
• Canada
29 Aug 16
@AbbyGreenhill No harm done. You may find out but if not in time our best gift is friendship and understanding?
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
29 Aug 16
LOL, thanks for our help. I know I did my best but I hate to think the check was lost.
@silvermist (19702)
• India
28 Aug 16
@AbbyGreenhill I think you may tell the mother of the bride.If they eventually do want to cash it the check may have expired.Or they may have forgotten about it.
1 person likes this
@silvermist (19702)
• India
30 Aug 16
@AbbyGreenhill That is the most probable cause.Yes,you better ask.
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
28 Aug 16
I am afraid it might have been misplaced so it's best to ask.
2 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
29 Aug 16
I already sent a message to the mom, but have not heard back from her.
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
28 Aug 16
The mother has more 'pull' over the daughter than I would LOL.
2 people like this
@marlina (154166)
• Canada
28 Aug 16
@AbbyGreenhill Then talk to the Mom and I am sure that the situation will get cleared up.
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
29 Aug 16
I sent a message to the mom yesterday but they are busy on Sundays with church so I didn't expect to hear anything until maybe today.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
28 Aug 16
She could have misplaced it in her move from here to another state.
1 person likes this
@miniam (9154)
• Bern, Switzerland
28 Aug 16
@AbbyGreenhill
that`s why you should feel free to contact her,maybe she`S hoping you will call and ask because she feels bad to call and let you know she misplaced it.
1 person likes this
@ilocosboy (45157)
• Philippines
29 Aug 16
There are many reasons why the check have not yet cash out: maybe it was lost and not yet found; maybe it has sentimental value and they have it laminated. I think you should ask about it.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
29 Aug 16
I don't think they laminated it LOL but message has been sent to the mom.
@arintellect007 (533)
• Kolkata, India
28 Aug 16
Don't think so much and just inform them about the check so that they can en-cash the check before it becomes stale.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
28 Aug 16
Stale I like that word..a stale check....Knowing me I will talk to the mom about it.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
28 Aug 16
@arintellect007 I knew what you mean, but the word stale makes me laugh since every time I buy a loaf of bread it's stale.
1 person likes this
@arintellect007 (533)
• Kolkata, India
28 Aug 16
@AbbyGreenhill Yeah that's what it is better known as when the validity of the check expires.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
29 Aug 16
I got lots of checks when I got married and I cashed them instantly LOL
@zebra2222 (5269)
• United States
29 Aug 16
Sometimes people get forgetful and do not cash in a check.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
29 Aug 16
I hope they cash it since I sent the mom a message.
@changjiangzhibin89 (16532)
• China
29 Aug 16
If you ask me,you might as well remind her in the proper way to cash it .Maybe she now has a lot on her plate and forgets to do it.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
29 Aug 16
I did ask, yesterday I sent a message.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
29 Aug 16
Did that yesterday - no word yet.
1 person likes this
@theBlock (2657)
• United States
28 Aug 16
@AbbeyGreenhill
Let the mother know---to pass it on---I'm sure the daughter will understand and cash that baby
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
28 Aug 16
I sent her a message earlier, it is all up to her now.
1 person likes this
@responsiveme (22926)
• India
29 Aug 16
You must tell your friend about the expiry date of the cheque.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
29 Aug 16
I sent a gentle reminder to the mom.
1 person likes this
