Children and restaurants--advice from a professional server

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Thought for the Day: "Some consider carob an adequate substitute for chocolate...because it can be made to approximate the color and consistency of chocolate. The same arguments can be made in favor of dirt." Sandra Boynton (A continuing series. Long but, hopefully, helpful. Feel free to discuss any of the topics mentioned.) Contrary to beliefs most servers don't mind waiting on children; it's their parents they can do without! Servers aren't baby sitters. They aren't there to entertain, feed or control the kids nor are they there to clean up the mess kids make. Fast food restaurants cater to youngsters, family style restaurants have them in mind, but expensive restaurants have neither the facilities, or clientele, that adapt to young children. When someone is paying $20+, or more, for a main course they do not want to put up with; crying, screaming toddlers, children running around their table, throwing food or, in other ways, disrupting their meal. Parents are people, (Yes! They Are!) people who like to eat out and they certainly deserve to, but if they can't get a babysitter then they should take their child to a family oriented restaurant. Should a child become disruptive, whether by crying or annoying other patrons in any way, the parent should, immediately, take them outside until they have quieted down. (Nor should the parent get upset if a manager or server makes that suggestion.) The child shouldn't be allowed to get out of their chair, even if it is just to walk around the table, as accidents can happen within a flash. The child shouldn't be allowed to grab anything from the server, whether it be their pen, checks, articles of clothing or to reach into the server's pockets. A good server can be helpful to a parent in many ways and the parent should heed their advice. When it is possible let the server bring the child's meal as soon as possible. They will also know, up to a certain age, not to fill a child's beverage cup with too much of a liquid. The smart server will give a toddler a saltine or a piece of bread to occupy them as they take the order. They might give the child a piece of paper and crayon or (dull) pencil to keep them distracted for a few minutes. Up to a certain age it is expected that a parent will order for a child but once the child is 5, or 6, it would be better if the parent prepares the child to give their own order, planning the choices they may make before going to the restaurant. Being treated as an adult, by an adult, in many cases, will curtail upsetting behavior while dining out. In reality, no matter how mature the parent may think their child is, children under 5 shouldn't be taken to a restaurant where there are servers. This doesn't mean that the parents are condemned to not eating out for those 5 years. As mentioned before fast food restaurants are a good place to take children; the clientele are conditioned for unruly kids. Cafeterias, buffet style restaurants and neighborhood restaurants, catering to the family trade, having high chairs, coloring books, balloons and toys for children are heaven sent for kids and their parents. While hiring a babysitter can add a chunk of money to the evening's expense of going out, isn't it worth it for the few hours of peace you will be attaining? Isn't it worth it sitting and enjoying a dinner without all the distractions a child can bring? And, in this milieu, wouldn't you be annoyed by the carrying on of someone else's child? As in other cases when a server goes beyond the call of duty they should be compensated with a higher tip. If they distract your child by paying extra attention to them, bring their food quickly, constantly bends down to pick things up that the child had thrown on the floor, stop them from annoying others, have to clean up after a particularly messy child, then it is only reasonable they should be given more money. (By the way, the parent should be the one to pick up the crackers, carrot sticks, cookies, etc., that their child has thrown on the floor and they should leave the high chair tray in a certain degree of cleanliness by using a napkin to wipe it up. If a busboy has to do the cleaning up job you should give them an extra dollar or two.) A child should be made to show the discipline in a restaurant that they are required to show at your dinner table and, if they aren't ready to do that then they shouldn't be brought into a dining establishment. (An aside--when I worked at Wag's on Tuesday evenings kids under 10 ate free--I waited on all of them in the back room of the restaurant and the other servers waited on the parents--the kids and I had a ball and I never had an 'incident'--the kids ranged in age from 4-10--the hardest part of the job was shooing the parents away when they came to 'check' on their kids--I did get a few extra tips!)