I was rude to a waitress
By Theresaaiza
@Theresaaiza (10487)
Australia
January 29, 2018 6:54am CST
I used to date an American ex-pat who's been in the country (Australia) for less than a year. One night we went to a popular Spanish restaurant in town.
I am not used to restaurants which have a particular server assigned to certain tables. That or maybe I was just not being observant. We are also not obliged to give a tip. One waitress ushered us to a table, walked away and never got back to take our order. It was a busy night so I did not expect much in way of fast service but it was taking a lot longer than we expected so I decided to call a waitress who happened to hover close to us to tell her we were ready to place our order.
As soon as she walked away, my ex told me I was being rude apparently. I never had this issues in other restaurants I've been to. Did I do anything wrong? Was it just differences in culture?
10 people like this
13 responses
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
29 Jan 18
I don't see anything wrong with what you did, I would had done the same but I am speaking only for what is practiced in my country, here its not offending if you say it in a nice way with a please, or in a form of a funny joke and tell her you are already very hungry but again that is our culture.
2 people like this
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
30 Jan 18
Some places apparently have the custom of having a certain waitress for a certain table. So when customers leave a tip, they make sure it goes to the right waitress. Something that's common in America but not in Australia. He may have meant that. But I have no experience in American dining so I will put it down to lack of knowledge.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
30 Jan 18
Something to do with table assignments and rules on tips. Apparently in the States that's how servers make sure the tip goes to the right server. But I am not 100% knowledgeable on this. And this is not a common practice in Australia so I truly didn't mean to do what I did. I was just a hungry customer who wanted to eat.
1 person likes this
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
30 Jan 18
@JustBhem Yes, you're right. They give you time to look through the menu. But our girl never came back so I had to do something otherwise we'll starve there.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (70555)
• Davao, Philippines
30 Jan 18
@Theresaaiza
I understand, even here in our country. We call the waiter too to take our orders because sometimes waiters thought you might need to scan their food for the meantime.
@AmbiePam (85565)
• United States
29 Jan 18
No, that wasn't rude unless you were snide when you asked, which I doubt you were. I am not sure why he would object. I'm American, and I have done that. If it took forever I would flag someone down. But we do tip no matter what. I mean you will always have people who feel no need to tip, but the general rule is to tip 10 percent to 15 percent, although if the person is rude and horrible one might leave less. I wouldn't blame a person for not tipping at all in your case.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
30 Jan 18
@AmbiePam Not at all. I was being the courteous, polite girl as always. I think he meant the fact that I called on someone else instead of waiting for the same girl cause, you know, every waitress for every table kind of thing? Honestly, I didn't know whether it was a rule here or not, hence, my curiosity with what the culture in US is like. And yes, we don't have the tipping policy/custom so you tip out of your own generosity and kindness.
1 person likes this
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
30 Jan 18
I am guessing it had something to do with the tipping practice in US. Every waitress for every table so the tip goes to the right server. Correct me if I'm wrong. However, that is not a common practice in Australia.
1 person likes this
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
31 Jan 18
@inertia4 Yeah, that's a fair decision.
Because we don't really have that culture of tipping here, I never thought I'd offend anyone by calling another waitress.
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27961)
• United States
30 Jan 18
@Theresaaiza FOr me it has nothing to do with tips. Look, I see it as I am going out to eat and I am spending my money. If I don't get the service I want I will say something or just leave. The tips, well, if I get bad service I will not tip. Simple.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
30 Jan 18
Maybe something to do with cultural differences or customs when it comes to restaurant service. But, no, I was never demeaning or impolite to anyone.
1 person likes this
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
30 Jan 18
@LadyDuck my speculation is, it takes away the tip from the rightful waitress. But we don't tip in Australia, unless voluntarily. So I did not take away anyone's rights to her tip.
1 person likes this
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
31 Jan 18
To be fair, it was a very busy night. It truly was a popular restaurant by the looks of it. And food was great. Still, I don't understand why calling someone else was rude in that situation.
1 person likes this
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
3 Feb 18
@DianneN Very true and I would never take it out on servers. Unless they take it out on me.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (247004)
• United States
1 Feb 18
@Theresaaiza If a restaurant is busy, it's tough on everyone.
@allen0187 (58444)
• Philippines
30 Jan 18
You weren't being rude. Just a matter of difference in cultures.
@infatuatedbby (95001)
• United States
9 Feb 18
I do the same. I flag down someone else if no one is helping us out. Especially if I waited long enough. I don't find it rude at all.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
9 Feb 18
Thanks. I feel a lot better knowing I didn't really do anything less than respectful.
1 person likes this
@infatuatedbby (95001)
• United States
12 Feb 18
@Theresaaiza Yes, I don't feel it as rude or not respectful at all.
@LovingMyBabies (85127)
• Valdosta, Georgia
29 Jan 18
I have been a waitress before and it's the hardest job I have ever had in my life. They work so hard and get treated horrible for it.
=(
So whenever I go anywhere with a waitress-whether they are doing a great job or not I tip them well and let them know God loves them.
@LovingMyBabies (85127)
• Valdosta, Georgia
29 Jan 18
@MALUSE Yes, being a waitress changes your perspective if you have ever believed all people are polite.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
30 Jan 18
I'm never one to abuse or harass a server. In fact, I barely complain even if I had a valid case. Some waiters/waitresses are rude themselves too but I try not to make a big fuss out of it. I get what you mean. I worked in a place where we had to do customer service of some sort and I know how it feels to be treated horribly for the kind of job you do. I do hope restaurant workers are treated fairly in all aspects especially with wage, and anti-bullying.
1 person likes this
@Letranknight2015 (51532)
• Philippines
30 Jan 18
Maybe there was a misunderstanding over there and for some reason they forgot you. My guess is that she's being lazy and rude towards the both of you. Added to the fact that the ex thought you were rude for some reason. Good thing I'm staying here and not going anywhere.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
31 Jan 18
Have you ever heard of the tipping practice in US? Cause I think that was the main reason for him calling me out.
You are only meant to talk to that one waitress who gave you a table. Such is not the case in Australia. We are not obliged to tip. So technically, anyone can serve us.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
31 Jan 18
@Madshadi I have gathered from people that in US, it is almost an obligation to tip a waiter/waitress. So they have tables assigned to them. If it were up to him, he would have waited till the lady who gave us the table would come back to take our order. But such is not the case in Australia because we are not obliged to tip. So technically, any server can take our order regardless. So, if that was the reason he called me out for being rude, either he doesn't know about this cultural difference, or he misheard me. He must have heard me say something else, something which sounded rude.
1 person likes this
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
30 Jan 18
No tone, no nothing. I behaved as respectfully and politely as I could. Asked her nicely. All I did was called someone who was standing close by, asked for her to take our order. Then he turned to me and said, "Don't be rude".
1 person likes this
@Madshadi (8849)
• Brussels, Belgium
30 Jan 18
@Theresaaiza I don’t know how else are we supposed to let a waitress know that we are ready to order
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
30 Jan 18
Until now it baffles me. So apart from the practice of tipping, which isn't common or mandatory here, I really couldn't think of anything else I may have done for him to consider that as a rude behaviour. I am usually a very polite, respectful person.
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
31 Jan 18
How were you rude? No, I would have done the same. Sorry but I can't sit as a doormat and let others waste my time. At any restaurant (and i haven't been to much) I would expect the service to be prompt and I would immediately made myself be heard. Trinidad culture is seriously boldface. if I have to I'll go into the kitchen for my food or leave the restaurant if it comes to that. I would like to think that I am a kind of 'pro-active' person. However, as to 'rudeness', no, I am not bullying anyone and I am asking my question in a perfectly polite and respectful manner. if you say there was a waitress assigned, then she should have been more attentive.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
31 Jan 18
I don't think that that particular restaurant had a server assigned to certain tables as tipping is not a common dining culture here in Australia. So I suppose anyone could be our server technically. My ex just made a huge fuss over it probably because such is not the case in US (from what I gathered). The only time I ever encountered that exclusiveness was in a high-end Spanish/Mexican restaurant in one of the busier food complexes in Melbourne and even then, we didn't give a tip. When we did call for a random waiter, he went to the one assigned to us to assist us.
