If You Are In My Place, What Will You Do?
@SIMPLYD (90722)
Philippines
November 29, 2018 2:57am CST
My daughter , husband and I has a group chat.
Last night, my daughter told us that she’s on duty on Dec. 25, at the hospital , where she is on her 2nd year residency as a doctor still specializing in her chosen line, General Surgery – Oncology.
She said she will instead go home on Dec. 29-Jan. 1 .
This morning while I am in the office and her father in his work too, she said she will be in Siargao, Dec. 26-28, alone and will be in a resort.
We know that this is where their friends and boyfriend go for surfing as she always tell us when they will be going.
Her being alone there is what worries us . But I didn’t say anything yet. My hubby though said ," you cannot go if that is the case".
She answered “ I am not asking permission, I just want you both to be informed. “ 
The answer of my hubby was also what I felt .
He told her “ I don’t know with you!! Who do you think you are now!?”
My daughter didn’t answer , and I tried to call her, but she isn’t answering. I know she’s angry too.
I plan to call her tonight, while her father isn’t home yet and talk about it. I want her to know we are just worried of her being in a resort on those days, for how many days, alone.
We will feel secured if she is with her boyfriend, but alone , no.
Maybe you can share what should I do if you were in my place?
The answer of my hubby was also what I felt .
He told her “ I don’t know with you!! Who do you think you are now!?”
My daughter didn’t answer , and I tried to call her, but she isn’t answering. I know she’s angry too.
I plan to call her tonight, while her father isn’t home yet and talk about it. I want her to know we are just worried of her being in a resort on those days, for how many days, alone.
We will feel secured if she is with her boyfriend, but alone , no.
Maybe you can share what should I do if you were in my place?29 people like this
32 responses
@responsiveme (22926)
• India
29 Nov 18
It's hard when they grow their wings and fly higher and higher...Give it some time she will call back.
They are much more independent these days
4 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
29 Nov 18
@responsiveme Yes, she always say that. Sometimes she said, she assists on operation for 17 hours. We understand that.
1 person likes this
@responsiveme (22926)
• India
29 Nov 18
@SIMPLYD she must be having a very busy life in the hospital ,it's a very responsible profession. So sometimes she needs to let off steam
1 person likes this
@m_audrey6788 (58482)
• Germany
29 Nov 18
I will just give her time to calm down and then discuss our feelings about what we think. I`m sure it will be ok. It`s just a normal misunderstanding 
4 people like this
@sofssu (23662)
•
29 Nov 18
That is tough.. But i guess as a young adult now she needs to take her decisions.. you can tell her about your fears.. but its going to be hard to tell her what she can do or not.. Give her time and talk to her.. she will understand that you are not imposing your authority but you are really concerned.
Cheer up.. she will see what your intentions are..
Cheer up.. she will see what your intentions are..3 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
29 Nov 18
True, because our child is of legal age already. She's 28 this December 25, our Christmas as Catholics.
But I hope she realizes that she has hurt us by saying that.
@brokenbee (11090)
• Philippines
29 Nov 18
Just talk to her after a few days. Tell her about your worries. Tell her you trust her, it's just that you are worried that she will be alone in another place....
And speaking as a daughter, there are times that we also want to be all alone, to do things on our own. You don't have to worry especially when you raised us well. We can take care of ourselves. You can trust us on that. Sometimes, you have to set us free. It doesn't mean that we are leaving you. It's just that, we also need some time to relax, to unwind.
3 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
29 Nov 18
@brokenbee Yes, we still treat her like our baby until now. We cannot help it, because she's pir only child.
I know too that hubby's last words in that chat hurt her so she wasn't answerung my calls after that.
But i will both talk to them separately after they have seemd to cool down.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
29 Nov 18
Thank you for that wonderful advise. Indeed, we are letting her go on her own. And it is nice that she is obeying my advice, to always ler us know where she i going and who she is wirh.
But we just didn't wantcthe tenot of what she was saying.
1 person likes this
@brokenbee (11090)
• Philippines
29 Nov 18
@SIMPLYD maybe because she also didn't like or she didn't expect to hear that from her father. It's like she is treated like a teenager. But I do understand. That's also how I am treated by my parents. Hihihi It's like I'm still a baby. Well, I am the youngest, maybe that's the reason why.
1 person likes this
@Starmaiden (9311)
• Canada
29 Nov 18
If she is in her second year of residency in the medical profession then I presume she is a mature adult. Maybe 26 or 27. Parents have to let their kids live their own lives. They must learn to let go. As parents we will always worry about our children but we need to trust them to look out for themselves. I would let her go and have fun...alone if that's what she wants. She probably needs some relaxing time to herself.
3 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
29 Nov 18
Yes, we understand that. But being an only child we cannot help but worry.
You are right she's going 28 this 25 of December, Christmas here. So, we are a bit disappointed that she cannot come home to celebrate her birthday with us.
I will just pray fervently that she will be safe in her time alone as she told us, to relax because it is always toxic at the hospital she said.
I will also talk to my husband about it when he has cooled down also.
2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
29 Nov 18
@LadyDuck Yes, she has all rights to go, we know that. But then it is the way she has said what she said. It would have been better if she could have just said in a nice manner. Not say I am not asking permission since we fully know that she isn't anymore.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (460403)
• Switzerland
29 Nov 18
@Starmaiden I agree, she is a mature adult, she was polite to tell her parents, but she has all rights to go.
2 people like this
@rsa101 (37969)
• Philippines
1 Dec 18
I think she is on her age that she feels she has to exert her independence already. I think that you need to let her feel that you trust her else it will slowly put a wall on you. I guess her informing you that she’ll be in this place is already an indication she respects you as her parents to be informed her of her whereabouts. It is the time that parenthood has to loosen up because she is in her age that requires of her to be herself.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (37969)
• Philippines
2 Dec 18
@SIMPLYD I know too what you’re going through. Having to let go of an adult child is a bit hard especially you have a daughter. But I try to see your daughters point to exert her new found independence as an adult which is hard for us parents to let go.
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
29 Nov 18
She is angry at present so allow her to cool down herself. It is better you talk to her privately through chats. I know it is not nice if our children behave differently, no matter, whatever being happened. It is a natural concern of parents when she is going somewhere alone. I hope she will understand your concern and will talk to you soon.
2 people like this
@allknowing (130292)
• India
29 Nov 18
. Do you finance her in any way or is she financially independent? If it is the latter then she should be left alone Otherwise you can lay some rules for her.
2 people like this
@allknowing (130292)
• India
29 Nov 18
@SIMPLYD Tooday's generation needs to be handled with kid gloves they are exposed to a lot.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
29 Nov 18
Actually, she already has an allowance. It's a big amount. However , just like now, she is asking for some.money from us for her birthday on the 25th of Dec. After that day where she will be on duty at the hospital, is her vacation from26 to 28.
We will give her the money, and she promised it will be her last to ask money from us.
But she ia alreasy financially independeny already.
Tbough, what we are happy is thaf she tells us of her future outings. However, she has spoken not in a nice manner last night.
So we will give he space so she an be alone a d relax.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
29 Nov 18
@allknowing Yes, they really speak their mind. But she should have said it in a lighter way.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (72279)
• Philippines
29 Nov 18
She's an adult and I think she was expecting that you treat her like an adult. The way your husband responded made her feel that she is still a child.
2 people like this
@toniganzon (72279)
• Philippines
3 Dec 18
@SIMPLYD That means she has respect for you because she tells you where she goes but I have to side with her in saying she's not asking permission, she's just informing you because what she actually meant was, she's old enough to take care of herself. I understand you are worried, I would be too and I would feel the same for my son as he is my only child as well. However, the way your husband talked to her would seem that you don't trust her enough and it has offended her.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
3 Dec 18
@toniganzon Yes, it was actually the way my husband told her of her going there alone saying she's crazy. 
My hubby is really a negative person. That's what irked my daughter and said that.
However, she could have said it in a lighter way, knowing that her father is annoyed again. We can always answer our parents but we should see to it that it's in a nice way.
My hubby is really a negative person. That's what irked my daughter and said that.
However, she could have said it in a lighter way, knowing that her father is annoyed again. We can always answer our parents but we should see to it that it's in a nice way.1 person likes this
@Mavic123456 (21898)
• Thailand
29 Nov 18
why does she want to go alone? did you ask her?
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
30 Nov 18
@Mavic123456 I will talk to her abiut it one of these days. I will let her steam cool off first.
1 person likes this
@Mavic123456 (21898)
• Thailand
30 Nov 18
@SIMPLYD I think it is about time to let her go. maybe she knows the place that's why she is confident to go there alone by herself.
@BelleStarr (61047)
• United States
30 Nov 18
I don't blame you but why would she want to go to a resort alone instead of coming home is the question. Something else must be going on. I would also tell her that since she doesn't need to ask permission you are not sending her any money since she is an adult. While your husband may have spoken a little wrongly she is more in the wrong since she is still the daughter and should show respect.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
1 Dec 18
I love what you said. 
Indeed , that's what i told her last night when i chatted her. She's in a good mood becoz her aunt from Australia, sister of hubby bought a plane ticket for her together and her family when they come home on.Dec 29th.
I asked her to apologize to her dad if she still wants thr money her dad promised to give her.
She also said, good thing , i was cool about her going to Siargao alone unlike her dad. I told her no, though i know she is an adult now who knows how to take care of herself.
She was also told by het aunt to take extra precaution in vacationing alone.
Indeed , that's what i told her last night when i chatted her. She's in a good mood becoz her aunt from Australia, sister of hubby bought a plane ticket for her together and her family when they come home on.Dec 29th.
I asked her to apologize to her dad if she still wants thr money her dad promised to give her.
She also said, good thing , i was cool about her going to Siargao alone unlike her dad. I told her no, though i know she is an adult now who knows how to take care of herself.
She was also told by het aunt to take extra precaution in vacationing alone.1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (61047)
• United States
1 Dec 18
@SIMPLYD We are both mother's and we think alike. I would worry like crazy if my daughter was on vacation alone, there are so many things to worry about these days.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
29 Nov 18
@LadyDuck I know that too. That is why I dudn't say anything anymore. I know too that they have seen that I saw them say that to each other in messenger. But i just stayed silent.
I didn't even tqlk abiut it to hubby last night. He was in a light mood last night so I didn't mention it.
I will let it pass for days and talk to my daughter .
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
3 Dec 18
Actually, we are not prohibiting her in what she is doing. It's just that in this case where she is going alone, in a far resort, her father reacted so negatively. She retaliated with those words.
But then, that was over. We talked and told her that it's a natural reaction of her father ever since she will be informing us she's going here and there.
I told her to just let it go, because anyway we are just concerned for her.
She said I am a cool mom unlike his father, my hubby.
1 person likes this
@youless (112164)
• Guangzhou, China
30 Nov 18
I can understand your worries because I am also a parent. Sometimes children will have their own decisions when they grow up and we can't interfere it more. Is it possible that your daughter will go with her friends? If she still insists in going alone, perhaps there is no way for you to stop it since she is already an adult. Perhaps you can only ask her to tell her status everyday so that you will not be worried so much.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (171199)
• United States
30 Nov 18
I can understand where you and your husband would be concerned, but she is an adult and a prospective doctor,,way to go! Why don't you tell her that you trust her judgment, but you and hubby would feel better if she would text you she is OK, a few times during the trip.
Why don't you tell her that you trust her judgment, but you and hubby would feel better if she would text you she is OK, a few times during the trip.1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (171199)
• United States
1 Dec 18
@SIMPLYD Good I am glad you were able to work it out
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (326601)
• Rockingham, Australia
29 Nov 18
Your daughter probably thinks she is old enough and mature enough to make her own decisions. At some point she has to be allowed to live her own life. You can advise her and ask her to reconsider but I guess she is trying to be her own person now. I hope I don't sound rude. 
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
29 Nov 18
Thank you. No you don't sound rude at all.
As her mothet i was always supportive of her outings qhe she tells us beforehand.
However , her father is rhe one alway so worried. H
But in this case i agree wirh my husband that she shouldn't stay alone im that resort.
1 person likes this
@sunrisefan (28524)
• Philippines
29 Nov 18
She may be mature and now a professional but the way she answered was just isn't right for me. No parent would not be hurt if his/her child answered that way, especially with the culture that we grew up with. Time will come when your daughter will be a mother herself and, as the succeeding generations continue to become more "freedom oriented" and "open-minded", she will experience the same feeling that you're having right now as a thoughtful parent. People will always say that we're now in the modern times but that, for me, is not an excuse to set aside respect for parents and elders.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
29 Nov 18
I know you can feel what we felt when she said that. I have the feeling that if we don't tell her what we felt when she did that she will keep doing it.
I will let her cool down.
I have a style with her. I don't ever text to her when she has hurt me. Her conscience let her make the first mive and ask for forgiveness.
That's when i say the things she has to hear.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
29 Nov 18
Yes, thank you.
We cannot help be8ng worried because it's in a far place , a resort.
We would have been feeling secured if her boyfriwnd is with her. But we know he is also busy being on duty as he is just in his first year residency in anothet hospital.
1 person likes this
