Why do arranged marriages "work"?
By The Horse
@TheHorse (238306)
Walnut Creek, California
December 12, 2018 1:01pm CST
I was trolling the internet just now and came across a Psychology Today article from 2014 or 2015 by an Indian-American Psychology Professor.
In it, he reported that "a 2013 IPSOS survey found that 74% of young Indians (18-35 years old) prefer an arranged marriage over a free-choice one. Other sources report that as many as 90% of all Indian marriages are arranged."
And yet, he said, as they age, Indian couples in arranged marriages are no more or less happy than Indian couples in marriages that came out of "courtship," as we Westerners are mostly used to.
Further, he said, the divorce rate in India hover at around 1%, while here in the US we know it to be about 50%.
Why do you think arranged marriages work? And why is the divorce rate so high here in the US in comparison with India? Do the figures I've quoted seem right to you?
9 people like this
11 responses
@Fleura (35022)
• United Kingdom
12 Dec 18
For one thing because the family are more involved, it's seen more as a union of two families than of two individuals.
And secondly because expectations are different. People in arranged marriages expect to meet someone that their family have pre-selected as a possible match; if they like each other they go ahead and get married in the expectation that the marriage is something that they will work at and the love between them will grow in due course as a result of their shared life.
People who marry for 'love' (more often lust I reckon) fall head-over-heels, lose all sense of reason, and think they have found their dream lover and everything is going to be absolutely fantastic for ever. The minute that goes a little bit wrong they scarper on the assumption that wasn't the right person and that they will look for someone else who will be their dream lover so that everything can be absolutely fantastic for ever etc.
2 people like this
@JudyEv (382068)
• Rockingham, Australia
12 Dec 18
Young couples nowadays don't seem to want to work at a relationship. There is no stigma attached to leaving a partner and moving on to another whereas in my day it would have been very shameful. If I had left my husband for anything other than something very serious I don't think I would have been welcomed home. So you tended to hang in there and try to work things out.
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (502464)
• Italy
13 Dec 18
The divorce rate is so high in your country compared to India, because I cannot see how a poor woman can ask for a divorce in India, she will be killed by her family first. Arranged marriages are not good. You should ask to your good friend Vanny.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (130150)
• Israel
27 Feb 19
@TheHorse
Maybe that is in India that they may work but not necessarily do here in Israel. When you live with someone 24 hours you really get to know that and see them who they really are. Going on a date even arranged one people can be on their best behavior so you really do not get to know them until you live with them on a daily basis.
@wolfgirl569 (135744)
• Marion, Ohio
12 Dec 18
I think a lot of it is that here we are not looked down on anymore for getting a divorce. Also people may be more fickle here. I know some that have complained the romance is gone. They dont want to accept that the honeymoon feeling does fade out.
@JudyEv (382068)
• Rockingham, Australia
13 Dec 18
I think marriage and divorce are perhaps too easy. There is no shame or stigma attached to living with someone or divorcing so couples perhaps make less effort to sort out their differences. Certainly arranged marriages seem to work.
@Plethos (13718)
• United States
13 Dec 18
thats a somewhat easy question to answer. its cultural.
theres a stigma in india concerning divorce so they wont. theyll stay in an unhappy marriage.
in america , if your not happy in your marriage, leave, get divorced. women have more individual freedom also in the u.s. than in india.
