My thoughts on: "Twilight" movie franchise

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Hi My Lot, Over the snowy weekend I decided to tackle the "Twilight" Franchise of movies. The good thing about waiting a long time to see popular movies, is that you can binge watch. In case you didn't know / are one of the few people who haven't seen these movies - there are 5 movies, all based off of novels - the first being filmed in 2008 and the last in 2012. I did find them enjoyable somewhat, but there were some - what I thought- were hilarious oversights. **Warning: from here on out there will be spoilers** The plot , incase you didn't know - is that Bella Swan who is 17 and lives in sunny AZ with her mom, is inexplicably dumped off in the town of Forks, WA to live with her dad, Charlie Swan a local cop. Now it is clear that Charlie cares for Bella. But he is distant. He doesn't know how to interact with her. And she isn't exactly warm or friendly, either. In spite of Bella's cold, aloof nature - she soon meets and becomes fast friends with Jacob Black who falls head first into unrequited love with her. Bella's stellar luck with making friends continues on her first day of school when she becomes instant bffs with the "popular" kids. However this isn't good enough for Bella. She has her sights set on the mysterious Cullen family. Particularly, Edward. Of course she's delighted when they are seated together in Biology class, but he appears quite unhappy about this. She confronts him for being stuck up ... and sooner than you can say "vampires don't sparkle" - the 2 start dating. Even though it is wildly dangerous - Edward confesses the truth. He is a vampire. He proves this by standing in a beam of sunlight and promptly disintegrates in a fireball , leaving only a little pile of ash. The movie ends with Bella taking on a crusade of promoting sunscreen to everyone and ends up in a mental hospital for spraying everyone she sees with spf 50. Huh? Oh. Sorry. That's not what happened. He stands in the sun ... and... glitters. Yes, glitters. Just like a sparkle "my little pony". Just like many popular "cotton candy" scented lip glosses that are all the rage with 12-14 year olds. Just like the dust pan after you drop your craft box. He stands there, and..... glitters. "People will see what I am" he says. (Yeah.... what's that? A special edition of a Malibu Ken doll? ) Although she has a little misunderstanding with one of Cullen's sisters, the rest of the family invites her into their home as one of their own on the first meeting. The closer she gets to the Cullen's, the less happy her pal Jacob is. And then we get the second bombshell - that Jacob and his family are werewolves. They can switch into wolf form and have a thing about hunting vampires. Though there is a truce with the Cullen family, because Cullens are vegetarian... not eating people, just animals. (which sort of isn't vegetarian, but yknow what they mean.) Another vampire family who hunts people barges in the area, and starts hunting Bella. After a conflict, there is now a war on between these vampires and Cullens. The movie ends with Edward breaking up with Bella - because she has been put in danger because of him. In reality - shes still in danger even if he's not there, so breaking up with her does no good. Of course we all know they get back together. And yet again, quicker than you can say "Vampires don't glitter" - they're engaged, and married. All along Bella has been begging "turn me into a vampire". It seems like a reasonable request if she is marrying one, after all. But there is must hesitation. Finally , they agree to turn her. But then she starts stalling. "After graduating" she says. Then "after the honeymoon". Which everyone tells her is a stupid idea to wait. But no. While still on her honeymoon Bella discovers she is pregnant which is amazing because her and Edward have waited until marriage. (I actually did enjoy that even if it didn't seem realistic for a guy who has been 17 for 100 years to still be a virgin... at least it shows that he wanted to hang on to 1 virtue, even if he constantly wants to drink people's blood.) By the time they get back home Bella looks heavily pregnant because she has gotten pregnant with a vampire - the pregnancy is draining her and progressing far faster than average. I mean, how does that even work? Even though Bella's still a human, Edward isn't. He's a vampire ... I have so many issues with the next scenes. Bella decides she wants to deliver the child even though that would probably kill her. Their only hope is if they can turn her into a vampire directly after she delivers. Bella gets weaker and weaker during her pregnancy and they come up with the idea that she should drink some blood bank blood that Edward's dad has access to. (he's a physician). The still human Bella takes a sip of it. "Mmmmm yummy!" Bella's still human. There is no reason a human would think blood to be tasty. The delivery doesn't go well, and Edward, well, uh, chews threw Bella's abdominal area in order to deliver the child via a vampire styled c-section. They had a scalpel right there. Seriously that just seemed laughable and gross. Who thinks these things up? Bella is circling the drain. Youd' think they would take this opportunity turn Bella and save her. But no. First daddy Edward holds the baby. Then sister Rosa holds the baby. Then they drop the baby off with Bella, and talk some more. Until Bella stops talking. Then there is a frantic scurry to save her / turn her. But she doesn't respond for the longest time. The 4th movie ends with Bella, finally opening her eyes, a newly Vampire red shade. The 5th movie starts with Bella getting up. And even though people were just frantic that she wouldn't make it, no one seems particularly excited that she's back, they're all like blase about it.... Oh hey Bella's up, how you doin? Great to see you.... Werewolf Jacob "imprints" on the baby (which sounds gross, but it bonds him to her and a servant, protector and future love interest) And the final movie ends with a conflict scene between the Cullens, their friends(among which some cool new characters) and some of the werewolves, and the ruling class of Vampires from Rome who think that they have "turned" a child into a vampire (against the rules) . Now one would think a simple letter and test could have avoided this. (Dear ruling class of Vampires, we didn't turn a child into a vampire. She was born that way. Thanks , sincerely.....") But whatever. There are many loopholes and this is one of but many So, I listed my many gripes with it above, but some more I didn't mention/didn't mention enough - #1 Vampires don't sparkle or glitter #2 Vampires don't sparkle or glitter #3 See #s 1 and 2 #4 We are given the back-story on 2 of the secondary characters (Rose, a high class lady who had been raped and left for dead and Jasper, a Civil War soldier) - but not the 2 main characters. Why is Bella so popular? What makes her, her? We really don't know. She isn't a well developed character. Neither is Edward. #5 Even if you are a stellar person, you don't tend to make friends with everyone that fast. Much less if you are a mildly crabby teen #6 Why do Cullens keep sending the kids to highschool? They've graduated dozens of times. At 17-ish they look young but could pass for young adults. You'd think they could stay longer in one place if they played it that way. That said, in spite of my many complaints - it was enjoyable enough. High production values - only a few scenes seemed - really, really, cheesy. The secondary characters were enjoyable, particularly Alice Cullen in my opinion. I liked how they showed the Werewolves and Vampires working together. But many, many loopholes for such a popular franchise, in my opinion. And this is only my opinion. I know many really enjoyed it and I mean no disrespect to anyone's tastes. Have you seen the movies? What was your opinion? Here's a link to a hilarious 3 minute synopsis: