Emotions to pen

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Remembering a simple statement made by my father many, many years ago "put your emotions to pen, and feel the woe flow from your worried heart" and so tonight I need to put my emotions to pen. It's been a while since I have been open-hearted and ready to read and share with bloggers, but so too has it been in my immediate friend circle. It was about end April that I experienced a horrible altercation with one of the bowlers at our club - this resulted in myself laying a grievance charge of unbecoming behaviour against him (to say the least) and last week it eventually came to an end with a full hearing. I thought I would feel better knowing that he was found guilty for his actions, with a suspension penalty as well as three-month probation, being his penance ~ but the feeling of victimisation has not diffused and instead I feel my friends looking at me in a different way? Sadly in a small community, there are always pro's and con's bringing about justice, and if I DIDNT lay the charge, then the abuse would have continued and my soul would have been destroyed together with my passion for playing lawn bowls. Many friends had the mindset of "ah well that just the way he is" however does that excuse his behaviour toward me over the months, and to others over the years? Do I stand back and let this person get away with it just because he has been a bowler longer than me, and has a following of "men" to back him up with his contemptuous remarks and narcissistic bullying - I felt not, and because it was directed at myself personally, I had to make a stand. So my stand for my rights and justice makes me a victim and a sufferer after the fact and I am left vulnerable again - so where is the justice in that? Betrayal trauma I have endured and I look around the room and find no one to trust . . . so was it worth it? "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice." ~ Bob Marley During this time since April till now, I have also suffered some illness ~ pneumonia in the left lung and some muscle trauma to the left rhomboid muscles which caused my back to be in terrible pain for six weeks. Physio every third day and now I am left with only the pinched nerve in the C4 vertebra that is causing havoc with my shoulder and arm. More physio to get me in shape for what lies ahead. "Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal: my strength lies solely in my tenacity." Louis Pasteur Some good news . . . . On the lawn bowling front - I was very fortunate to achieve Provincial status in the Veteran ladies team that will tour to the Capital next year March. I am very excited and this is one of my "bucket list" goals. If you have read - thank you for reading and lending me your ears, but all I really wanted to do was pen out my emotions and detox my body of the stress. Go well