True Confessions - The FCA Incident

@teamfreak16 (43594)
Denver, Colorado
September 1, 2019 1:31pm CST
I really have no intention of turning this into a daily thing, but this one popped into my head for some reason, so here it is. You'll either find me hilarious ("A," the correct choice!) or an idiot jerkface of epic proportions ("B.") Here goes nothing. Background: Many of you already know this, but in case you aren't aware, I am an atheist. I'm not here to debate, I'm not an "I'm right and you're wrong so I'm gonna shove it down your throat" guy. This is America. Believe how you want to believe. More power to you. This one takes place when I was in high school. Even then, while I wasn't completely where I am now, I was starting to question some things that to me, didn't make sense. Perhaps you are familiar with Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Our high school had a chapter, and since myself and two of my buddies were athletes, and popular, we felt obligated to go. Plus, there were lots of girls there. So we went every week. Please bear in mind that I have always had a very twisted sense of humor, so I'm firmly convinced that even had we been the most Christian of Christians, this probably would have turned out the same way regardless. If you are not familiar with the concept, an FCA meeting involves athletes gathered in a room, with a moderator speaking of topics from a Christian point of view, with people chiming in with ideas and support. At the end, a group prayer takes place, everyone holds hands, the moderator prays, and then anyone in the group is welcome to pray. Often, this can take awhile. Our groups met on Wednesday evenings, and this particular group was quite crowded. People even brought guests from other schools. I don't recall that night's topic, but people were definitely feeling it. Lots of folks joined in for the group prayer. Very powerful stuff. And then, suddenly, total, utter, you-could-hear-a-pin-drop-silence. Probably around 30 seconds worth of dead silence. One of the cheerleaders had brought a guest from another school. This guy finally worked up the nerve to offer up a prayer, breaking the lengthy silence with a loud, ringing "LOOOOORRRRRRDDDDD..." The way that that just pierced the silence caused me and one of my friends to kind of chuckle, out loud, at the exact same time, setting off a ripple effect until the entire room (except for the moderator) was laughing. Everyone, however, quickly managed to get it under control. Except for me and my buddy, and a third guy sitting next to us. The three of us Could. Not. Stop. Laughing. I'm talking tears in our eyes, doubled over with side pain, I just heard the funniest joke in the world laughter. And the guy kept praying. More, harder laughter (that kind of makes me feel bad, because we honestly weren't laughing at him or his prayer.) We'd get it under control, look at each other, and start laughing even harder. And this went on for about 15 minutes or so, three guys in the throes of uncontrollable, hysterical laughter, a stranger from another school trying to say a prayer, and the participants of a crowded FCA group staring at us the entire time. We did apologize to the guy, and I don't think that we were outright banished, but that was our final FCA meeting. If I'm wrong, and there actually is a Hell, I have no doubt that my ticket is already printed, because I'm cracking the hell up just remembering this. Yeah, I rule!
Music video by Johnny Cash performing God's Gonna Cut You Down. (C) 2006 American Recordings, LLC & The Island Def Jam Music Group #JohnnyCash #GodsGonnaCutY...
6 people like this
6 responses
@indexer (4852)
• Leicester, England
2 Sep 19
Prayers can sometimes be very funny. I remember a minister who began a Monday evening meeting with: "O God, it`s Monday night again"
2 people like this
@teamfreak16 (43594)
• Denver, Colorado
2 Sep 19
Yes, that's true. Sadly, we weren't at all laughing at his actual prayer. I couldn't even tell you what he was praying about!
@JohnRoberts (109841)
• Los Angeles, California
1 Sep 19
There were cheerleaders there? Lord!!!!!!
2 people like this
@teamfreak16 (43594)
• Denver, Colorado
2 Sep 19
Oh yeah, the cheerleaders were definitely there!
1 person likes this
@topffer (42155)
• France
1 Sep 19
St Francis would have laughed louder, you will not go to hell for this.
1 person likes this
@teamfreak16 (43594)
• Denver, Colorado
2 Sep 19
Maybe I'll just go to "Heck."
2 people like this
@JESSY3236 (22245)
• United States
3 Sep 19
I have never of the FCA. But I would have laughed too.
1 person likes this
@teamfreak16 (43594)
• Denver, Colorado
4 Sep 19
We probably overdid it, but just couldn't stop once it started.
1 person likes this
@NJChicaa (127135)
• United States
1 Sep 19
that's a good story!
1 person likes this
@teamfreak16 (43594)
• Denver, Colorado
2 Sep 19
And every word of it true!
1 person likes this
@NJChicaa (127135)
• United States
2 Sep 19
@teamfreak16 I never doubted it
1 person likes this
@dgobucks226 (37621)
5 Sep 19
Well, like me you suffer from a warped sense of humor. You know there is another Johnny Cash tune that fits this situation perfectly.... "The Man Comes Around." And as part of the lyrics say, There's a man goin' 'round takin' names And he decides who to free and who to blame. Good thing your an Atheist
1 person likes this
@teamfreak16 (43594)
• Denver, Colorado
5 Sep 19
Well, according to Depeche Mode, God's got a sick sense of humor. So He also probably finds me hilarious!
1 person likes this