True Confessions - The Aunt Jemima Treatment

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The story you are about to read is true. Only the names have been changed (omitted) to protect the innocent. After reading this, and seeing the above meme, I think that you will find you agree with me, that I am one hilarious, fun-loving gent, placing you in Camp A. Of course, there is always the slim chance that you will find me repulsive, placing you in Camp B. This story involves a bunch of rum and cokes, a kitchen countertop, a girl, and a spatula. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that most of you, at some point, have watched the 1981 comedy, Stripes. If you haven't, in a nutshell, a couple of down on their luck guys, John Winger (Bill Murray,) and Russell Ziske (Harold Ramis,) make an impulsive decision to join the United States Army. Hilarity ensues. During one scene, in the middle of basic training, Winger decides he's had enough and tries to go AWOL. As he's sneaking through the motor pool, on his way to freedom, Ziske tackles him, telling John that he's NOT going to desert, because "You talked me into this." They are picked up by two pretty MP's (P.J. Soles and Sean Young,) who have to stop and check out General Barnicke's house as they escort John and Russell back to their barracks. While inside the general's home, John hoists MP Stella onto the stove and gives her the "Aunt Jemima Treatment," utilizing various kitchen utensils while asking her "Who's your friend? Who's your buddy?" In the early 1980's, a buddy and I were friends with a couple that had a Colorado Springs apartment, and would hold Friday night rum and coke get togethers. On this particular Friday night, they had invited a girl they knew to the rum bash. Somehow, and this was purely by accident, after many rum and cokes, I ended up in the kitchen with the girl, and we started talking. Eventually, she sat up on the countertop in order to get comfortable. Always on the lookout for an opportunity, I pulled a spatula from the drawer and began attempting to flip her, so to speak. "Who's your buddy? Who's your buddy?" My friend noticed this from the living room, because I suddenly heard a bunch of raucous laughter, along with "HE'S GIVING HER THE AUNT JEMIMA TREATMENT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA (and so on and so forth.) And before you scoff, it totally worked. Score! Camp A indeed.