The criminal justice system sucks

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Being a single (sort of) parent of a young adult with autism and two other young adults is hard enough. No matter how many expenses I manage to get lower, seems like other things go up and cancel them out. Last year cost me money for unexpected medical expenses, tree work, my car, my washing machine, my heating/AC, sick pets, etc. Last thing I need is to have to deal with the criminal "justice" system. But that is exactly where I'm at. It was August, the 2nd day of school, and I get a text from my boy, the sheriff came by the school and talked to him, and he'll tell me about it when I get home. Um, no. Tell me about it NOW. So I call him. Apparently, toward the end of his summer break, he met a girl. She was sitting with a guy he knew from the wrestling team, so he sat down with them. She came on to him pretty strongly, and he met her over at the other guy's house a few times. Well, one night when we were asleep, he sneaked out of the house and went over there. He is the one with autism, btw. Anyway, the girl peer pressured him into smoking pot, he got high, she came on to him, they had sex, she directed the whole "affair", they parted on friendly terms, and then the next morning the mutual friend texted him that she was claiming rape. Of course, I didn't know anything about this until after the police questioned him. Since they weren't arresting him, he wasn't told his rights, and since he was already 18 (as was the girl), he didn't need to have a parent present. Per the school district guidelines, parents don't even need to be told until AFTER the kid is questioned. Even if they're special Ed. Even if they're under 18. Activist mom is going to go talk to the school board about this one. But I digress. So after questioning him up one side and down the other, I believe him. Consensual sex. The boy gets shifty and nervous when he's lying. He embellishes. There was none of that here. He spoke with a firm voice, looked me in the eye, stuck to his story, never changed the details. And then the girl's cousin and aunt contacted us and said the girl lies a lot, that they're ashamed of her, and that they believe she made up the story when her father caught her sneaking into the house. Also, one of the other kids who was in the house has reportedly come forward to the cousin and said she lied for the girl to the police and wants to make it right. Fast forward to November, and the boy gets arrested. Felony charges, major bail, thank God I have retirement savings. So I bail him out, hire him an attorney, the attorney hires a private investigator to go talk to the cousin and anybody else who will talk. Monday is the arraignment. We are hopeful that our attorney can get the charges lowered or dropped. Don't know what the DA has yet - we won't get discovery until after the arraignment. Don't know what the PI has yet either. Been scraping up letters of recommendation from special ed teachers, coaches, bosses, friends, and family. Probably there will be a pre-trial hearing (which our attorney has said he's won some of), another arraignment and a jury trial. The week after he was arrested I didn't sleep hardly at all. My sleep still isn't normal. My 401k is almost gone. My son might not graduate high school after working so hard with his disability. He might be incarcerated. He might have to register as a sex offender. It is so damn scary. Now don't think I'm insensitive to rape victims. I have three family members who were raped, one of them was a trafficking victim too. One is pretty much drinking herself to death, one has severe PTSD and one only holds herself together for the sake of her boys. Rape is awful. But this girl is lying. And her lie can basically never be rectified, not if the charges are dropped, not if he's acquitted, not if she admits she lied. We will have been living in fear for many months, not sleeping, I will almost certainly never get any of my money back even if I end up being able to sue her, she will not be arrested for making a false police report or malicious prosecution because the state doesn't want "victims" to be afraid of coming forward. Why did she lie? We can only speculate. We think it may have been fear of the father or to get attention from another guy (the guy whose house they were at and she ended up in a relationship almost right afterwards - they have since broken up because she cheated on him). On the positive side, my dad and step-mom are going to send money to help, and several friends have offered to help raise some funds. The letters we have been getting back have been really positive and heartwarming. I am hopeful. But I am afraid. What will prison do to a naive young man with autism? A young man who doesn't believe he can be convicted for a crime he did not commit. As for the police, I know they are allowed to lie. They lied to my son. They lied to my daughter. They lied to me. They even lied to the person doing the booking. I have no respect whatsoever. A lot of evils are hidden behind "I was just doing my job" and "it's legal to do it". Long conversation with the bail bondsman. If the state's law eliminating cash bail were in effect, my son might still be sitting in jail instead of me bailing him out. On the other hand, is it fair that people who can't afford bail should sit in jail while those with money get out? When this is all over, I am going to talk to the school board. I am going to talk to the state legislature. But right now it's just... Scary.