Feeling WAY beyond Shocked!

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It has been 2 weeks since a gunman opened fire in a slew of rural Nova Scotian towns, killing 22 people in what they are calling Canada's worst mass shooting. If I had been blind before, my eyes were opened wide in the days following this horrific incident. This incident affected me on a very deep level, as I have known the gunman and called him a friend for 20 years. When I read his name in the newsfeed and what he had done, my whole nervous system went into shock. The man I (thought?) I knew was a very sweet, gentle and loving person. He had a heart of gold and if I ever needed anything, he was the first responder. I knew he had a shady side when it came to some business dealings, but it never bordered on hurting anyone but himself if luck ran out. He did have an obsession with money. For him, too much money was never enough. As more details about him, his business dealings and the people he's hurt arise to the surface, I have to question hard if I ever really KNEW him. My heart is broken, but my spirit recovered.