April 2020 in review

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Hi friends, I know if you've been reading all along, you already know that April was a really painful month. I would use stronger language but ... this is MyLot and I don't want to go against the rules. So, I guess the main thing that made April miserable was the fact that my dad passed away April 5th, though we did know in the end of March that he did not have a long time left. It came as a real shock. Basically they let us see him before he passed, we stayed and talked to him, told him what we wanted. We were rewarded with one moment of lucidity where he was able to say he loves us before going back to sleep. I'm thankful for that, so thankful. But a lot of mixed emotions still. Turns out he had dementia. Unfortunately the hospital where we had taken him 17 times in the last year of his life didn't see fit to pursue a diagnosis that may have helped us while he was living. They would just do images of his head and send him home because according to them "he's fine". Well not too fine, I guess. Anyway. I didn't know someone could pass away from memory loss. I wanted him to be a nice, maybe confused, old man in a wheel chair. But, in the end, that isn't what he wanted. And as horrible as it sounds, maybe it's more humane this way. He was in a lot of both physical and mental pain for many decades. He did and said a lot of things that weren't right. And even though it doesn't take it all away - he came from a really difficult past and had a number of mental illnesses. In the end though, he was my dad, he loved mom and I in the best way he could and we love him, too. So we had his funeral, 28 years to the day away from his parents funeral. It was only the undertakers, me and my mom there. Of course it was the pandemic in part. But it was also how it would have went. Because of dad's numerous mental issues he pushed a lot of people including family members out of our lives. We then went to a special town and a special park - dad grew up there and had many fond memories and there is a beautiful park to go be by nature. Well, this is turning quickly into a review of grief I guess. So I will move along to goals Goals : Exercise - 19 days (goal is 12 days) So this went well. The only thing that felt sort of right was to walk and there was yardwork in there as well. Recipes: 2 new (goal is 2) Cheeseburger pizza, Sesame chicken, - I thought there was something else in there too. Cheeseburger pizza was just me getting creative with pizza toppings. Sesame chicken was alright, needs a little adjusting if I make it more, though. Here's a change. Instead of 8 books, as goal - I'm switching it to 4 Masterclasses. I signed up for Masterclass - all the classes you can take for a year for $180. So I want to get a lot out of it. I took - Steve Martin's class on Comedy, James Patterson's class on writing, Neil DeGrasse Tyson on Scientific Thinking, and RuPaul on Self Authenticity. I found them all interesting and I got something from each of them, even if their topic isn't something that I would take up personally. I will write a separate post about all that. So other than that I have been doing yard work, and, just trying to stay sane I guess ... I have my moments for sure. Hang in there everyone