Had a rough day
By Faye
@FayeHazel (40246)
United States
June 8, 2020 11:03pm CST
Hey all, (yup, just hey all... no energy to come up with another greeting)
Today was a fairly rough day. Well I tried being upbeat this morning, I have been staying with my mom every 2 weeks and then at my own place everyone 2 weeks. I have been doing this because we still have a lot to clean out of my late dad's hoardings and she can't lift much.
We argue. A lot. She says I'm "smothering" her. I really don't know how. I insist that she washes her hands. And I wash a lot of things down with bleach water. She can't afford to catch this plague since she's 1) 70, 2) on chemo and 3) has kidney problems.
When dad was around I always assumed that he stirred us up when we would argue. He was a high stress person. (Sorry dad) but it's true. Well I guess we argue just as much, if not more, now.
Well there's been a lot of thoughts in my head lately. I used to go through these years of h. e. double l l - but they'd only last a year at a time. Like 2013, 2016. And starting in August of 2018 began another year of h e double hockey sticks... and it hasn't let up yet. Almost 2 years of stress. I can't take much more. I'm very tired.
And realizing that my mom is all I have for family. I have no extended family to speak of. And no significant other. Basically I have no hope for one, either. I've never been treated well in a relationship of the few I've had and if that is what I have to lower myself to , to have someone then no thanks. I've had a few one off dates here and there, but I usually don't make it past the first date, then I find that the man in question has moved on and gets in a relationship shortly thereafter. Like I'm some sort of good luck charm. The Faye effect.
Also I have had a number of friends trying to pressure me into getting together ... well I have to protect my mom. And I don't want friendships to disappear - not because I don't want to get together, but that I don't want to risk my mom's life on getting together.
And well not to mention nothing much open or fun to do, I know this isn't about keeping me entertained - it's about saving lives.
Hopefully tomorrow will be happier
Photo: Kellepics on Pixabay
10 people like this
9 responses
@xander6464 (40890)
• Wapello, Iowa
10 Jun 20
It's hard being responsible when so many others have just given up but you're right, the virus would be very bad for your mom. It would be no picnic for you but you'd handle it much better.
Your relationship history is just more proof that this planet is fundamentally flawed.
3 people like this
@xander6464 (40890)
• Wapello, Iowa
13 Jun 20
@FayeHazel I think the next virus wave is going to be really big.
You are, too.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40246)
• United States
12 Jun 20
So true there. It's, to a degree, hard to see others willy-nilly living life - but has everyone forgotten about the virus on the loose? It seems like most have.
Aww. thanks. You're an awesome friend and human
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40246)
• United States
14 Jun 20
@xander6464 I think you may be right. people already have/are in process of flooding whatever places have opened because they seem to value the immediate over the future... and I think it will spread more. I hope that's wrong I really do
1 person likes this
@marguicha (215785)
• Chile
9 Jun 20
You are a good daughter. Unfortunately all this has happened during virus times. I can understand you and I can understand your mother as she must be used to do her own things. I hope everything is solved and your mother understands that your "smothering" is out of love.
3 people like this
@FayeHazel (40246)
• United States
12 Jun 20
Thanks. I try. But sometimes I feel stressed, overwhelmed. I think you're right though - most of this is because of then added stress due to the virus. Sigh. Thank you friend
Thank you friend2 people like this
@marguicha (215785)
• Chile
12 Jun 20
@FayeHazel I once stopped my youngest daughter when I thought she was using a patronizing tone with me. We older people don´t like that. We accept it better if our daoghters start the sentance with "Don´t you think?" before they just proceed
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40246)
• United States
12 Jun 20
@marguicha Thanks for the head's up there :-) Sometimes I will now say "Please don't be upset, but..." Seems to work a bit better
2 people like this
@moffittjc (118546)
• Gainesville, Florida
13 Jun 20
This pandemic is not making the situation any better for any of us. It's a very stressful time. Hang in there, just do the best you can, and take it one day at a time. Things will eventually get better.
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (118546)
• Gainesville, Florida
14 Jun 20
@FayeHazel Just remember, you have survived 100% of the worst days in your life. You're on a roll. Keep the record going!
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40246)
• United States
14 Jun 20
True that. I suppose that everything that happens to people on a personal level gets exaggerated because of the pandemic. Thank you. Subsequent days have been better
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40246)
• United States
16 Jun 20
@moffittjc Yay! Look at that. I guess I have. Nice point there. ThankS!
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (326093)
• Rockingham, Australia
9 Jun 20
I'm sorry you're having a hard time at the moment. If you are staying there and neither of you are going out, maybe you could let up on the cleaning a little. I know you worry about your mother. I hope she comes to realise you're really worried about her getting ill. Have you told her you're worried for her health?
3 people like this
@FayeHazel (40246)
• United States
12 Jun 20
Thanks Judy, that's a good point. We're staying put pretty good, but I do tend to sanitize things (like groceries) that come in. Oh yes I've told her explicitly why I'm doing this - she tends to get put out and say "Oh I won't get it"...
2 people like this
@dgobucks226 (34405)
•
10 Jun 20
It is a very hard new normal to get used to isn't it? The journey of life is not always a smooth ride with numerous ups and downs along the way. As my favorite Beatle said in song..."All Things Must Pass."
ALL THINGS MUST PASS - The title track from GEORGE HARRISON's brilliant 1970 album.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40246)
• United States
12 Jun 20
Oh yes. I'm so not a big fan of the "new normal". Ah you're a George fan! I always thought George was overlooked in the "Beatles". Thanks friend
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40246)
• United States
14 Jun 20
@dgobucks226 I do wish McCartney and Lennon (seemed to me like Starr was content in the background more, but maybe that's wrong) would have given George more space.
Yes. Not a fan of new normal
1 person likes this
@dgobucks226 (34405)
•
13 Jun 20
@FayeHazel Yes, the so called quiet Beatle who had so much curiosity and left a lasting impression on many of his friends. No, this pandemic has really changed our lives 
1 person likes this
@oahuwriter (26778)
• United States
10 Jun 20
You know what, you got to live the way to make you happy no matter what well meaning people say! I used to get that from my Mom when she was living " hey, I'm your Mother and I know what I'm doing "!! 
Then I'd say, Mom I love you and I care about you! Hope things go good for you!
Then I'd say, Mom I love you and I care about you! Hope things go good for you!3 people like this
@FayeHazel (40246)
• United States
14 Jun 20
@oahuwriter Thanks friend! Same for you :-)
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40246)
• United States
12 Jun 20
Thanks friend, that is beautiful advice. Things are better now... I'm thankful
2 people like this
@oahuwriter (26778)
• United States
13 Jun 20
@FayeHazel
I'm so glad things better and hope they keep better and nice!
2 people like this
@GreatMartin (23675)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
10 Jun 20
Let me tell you--from a guy who has been there--stress is a complete waste of time! It helps/solves nothing!
Your mom is 70 years old--and, no, YOU are not responsible for her--let her make her own decisions.
Also " And no significant other." So what??? I made the decision 36 years that I am better off living alone and it was the best decision I made in my life. Oh yes, living alone does not mean being lonely!
Last word of advice--not that you asked for any--the first thing you do in the morning--before anything else--look at yourself in the mirror and say, out loud, "Faye, you are okay!" (Dare you not to smile!) And the second thing is to realize that you did get up today--many haven't--and the do is YOURS to do what YOU want to do! Nobody makes you do anything that you don't want to do--even if it is wrong for you.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (40612)
• United States
10 Jun 20
Oh Faye, you and your mom have been through so much for so long, even without all the stress this horrid virus has caused. Be kind to yourself, I know you feel like you have to take care of her and being your mother, she probably feels like she still needs to take care of you. Things will get better.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40246)
• United States
12 Jun 20
Ah Vicki club wisdom. Thank you. You're probably right. I do feel like I need to look after her. On the other hand it's hard for me to consider her point of view - that being - she probably wants to care-give me, too. The occasional clashes make sense, too.
Thank you dear friend
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40246)
• United States
14 Jun 20
True. The virus feels very personal. But it isn't. It's effecting the whole world. :/ Thank you
1 person likes this
