How to Say No...
By Raine38
@Raine38 (12387)
United States
November 16, 2020 10:50am CST
to those who are borrowing money from you? Let's say a friend or an acquaintance sent you a message over Facebook out of the blue, then proceeded to borrow money from you with promises to pay you back when they are able?
I have been burned many times before, both by friends and acquaintances alike. I think if those who I lent money to suddenly decided to pay me back today then I will be able to afford not to go to work for a month and still pay my bills! Suffice to say that those who defaulted on their promises are no longer able to borrow again from me. And this is not for lack of trying from their end.
Sad to say, but I have quite a few friendships that gone sour because of money. The thing is, if I have extra money, I put it away in savings. I have been in a position where I needed the money and those who owed me some will not or cannot pay me back. Since then I vowed that I will be neither a borrower nor a lender.
At first it is hard for me to say no. Because initially all sob stories get to me. Now, I'm sorry but their emergency does not mean that I have to make the sacrifice. Once I have a "friend" here who asked to borrow $200 for her insulin. I know that if she does need insulin, then I will feel guilty if something bad happens to her and I did not lend her the money. So I told her that I don't have $200 lying around, but I can come with her to the pharmacy and we can use my credit card so she can get her prescription, then she can return the money when her check comes in as she promised. I told her this will work for me too as my credit card bill will not arrive until next month. I did not hear anything from her after my suggestion. Next thing I know, my husband told me that she borrowed money from him, which he gave her. I was dismayed, but then got furious when my husband told me that she told him not to tell me about it. But he did anyway. She did return my husband's money the following month, and we noticed that she got the new iPhone model. 
9 people like this
9 responses
I think she borrowed money just for the iPhone. What I shameful woman.
It sounds like a Pinay. Yes, I have that kind of experience but I have learned to say NO.@Raine38 (12387)
• United States
16 Nov 20
I believe she also needed the money for the iPhone. I mean, if she needed it for her insulin, does it matter if it was paid through cash or credit card? And the audacity that she thought my husband hides things from me. As for my husband, he better not if he knows what's good for him! 
2 people like this
@Raine38 (12387)
• United States
16 Nov 20
@thelme55 That's the thing, my husband trusted her because he thought we're good friends. I mean why not? We're from the same country, we speak the same language, we used to always hang out...But you're right, I have to warn him. Plus, they like to project this certain image of a luxurious life, you know name brand clothing, cars, etc. You'll never think that they are aching for funds. But I guess different people have different priorities.
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (31042)
• United Kingdom
16 Nov 20
In England many people are poor. They lack enough money even to buy food. Then they can be approved for three days of emergency food and drinks. Supermarkets have a box where food and drink donations can be left. It is awful when friends ask for money. We are lucky that we have a National Health Service. Poor people don't have to pay for prescriptions. You didn't want to give your friend the 200 dollars. Then you must be shocked she borrowed money from your husband. Why did she tell him not to tell you about this? My daughter has the iPhone and it is pricey.
2 people like this
I don't think Social Media care about copy-rights 
@pumpkinjam (8876)
• United Kingdom
17 Nov 20
I've rarely had money to lend to people but I used to do that or help them out in other ways. I would feel I was letting them down otherwise. I learnt to say no. Partly because I realised there were some 'friends' I didn't see or hear from when they didn't need a favour. As for lending money to people, it's not something I'd do often anyway. If it comes out of the blue, especially if it comes from someone who doesn't contact otherwise, I would be inclined to say I couldn't help. If I've helped people who never pay back, I won't help them again. If I know they will repay me, I'll help if I can.
What frustrates me the most is, as in your friend's case, when people have got themselves into a position. When they're asking for something they could afford had they not been wasteful. As for your husband and friend going behind your back, I always check with my husband as he does with me. Admittedly, I've sometimes already agreed to something before I ask but I do always tell him
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8876)
• United Kingdom
28 Nov 20
@Raine38 That's funny, my husband also often tells me not to tell him the cost of things, especially if I've treated our grandchildren or paid for a family meal out - I'm happy to tell him, he just doesn't want to know
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12387)
• United States
28 Nov 20
@pumpkinjam I also agreed that I will not ask him how much a new drill bit costs, or how much did he buy the new smoker for. He has his stuff, I have my own. As long as we are not in debt and we are prioritizing our savings, then we let each other have our own fun.
1 person likes this
@ARIES1973 (11944)
• Legaspi, Philippines
21 Nov 20
I am trying not to keep a lot of cash in my wallet. I also don't have a credit card. But there are still some people who would use the most convincing reason. A friend from another office texted me last month asking if she could borrow some money because she will bring her grand daughter to the doctor for a check up. She said the ATM was offline so she could not withdraw her money. What can I do? Well, I lend her the money which she promised she will return as soon as the ATM goes online. That's been a month.
1 person likes this
@ARIES1973 (11944)
• Legaspi, Philippines
28 Nov 20
@Raine38 December is here and probably she already received her 13th month pay but she didn't even remember to message me about it.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12387)
• United States
28 Nov 20
@ARIES1973 That's what I am talking about, their emergency becomes your own, and then they forget about it. They burn you and then have the audacity to be mad if you ask for your money back, or if they try to borrow some money again. What's worse is if someone else asks to borrow money from them, and they will refer them to you since you lent them the money. I hope this does not happen, it happened to me and I hate to say that there is a very distinct pattern among these type of borrowers. Funny how money can change friendships/relationships, huh?
@Raine38 (12387)
• United States
28 Nov 20
I think after a month the ATM machine should be back online. Did she even reached out to you to update you on when she is actually planning to pay you back? What if you end up having an emergency (knock on wood) and need the money? Did she ever think about that?
1 person likes this
@GooglePlus (3806)
•
16 Nov 20
Same story here. I don't know how to say NO! And I still have problem with that.
In past 5 years - I gave over $1050 to my friends. None of them ever return it back. When I used to give it to them, I never thought that they will return. Hence it never gave me such feelings. But I wonder when you borrow over $350 saying you need to pay dad's medical bill and later you brag about a mobile phone next month as Whatsapp status, That hurts the most.
But it's okay, sometimes I feel like god wanted that money to be shared with them. 
So I let it be..
I used to earn over $428 per month ( when I had full time job) I used to save like $100 per month.
In past 6 months I started following one trend. What I did, I create a Fixed Deposit whenever I have over $200 dollars. And I used to keep on $200 in my account. So I used to share my account balance status to them. I used to say I will use I can give the amount once I pay my bills say 20th of this month. Then on 20th I used to share them my updated account balance. Since I know I will use $150 for paying all my bills Then I usually have $50 in my account and they hardly ask for it again, or manage two accounts.
So I let it be..
I used to earn over $428 per month ( when I had full time job) I used to save like $100 per month.
In past 6 months I started following one trend. What I did, I create a Fixed Deposit whenever I have over $200 dollars. And I used to keep on $200 in my account. So I used to share my account balance status to them. I used to say I will use I can give the amount once I pay my bills say 20th of this month. Then on 20th I used to share them my updated account balance. Since I know I will use $150 for paying all my bills Then I usually have $50 in my account and they hardly ask for it again, or manage two accounts. 1 person likes this
@GooglePlus (3806)
•
16 Nov 20
@Raine38 We have such people in all countries. 
Some knows how to make money easy way too!
Hard thing is -- Because of these people, needy one doesn't get it when they need it.
Some knows how to make money easy way too!
Hard thing is -- Because of these people, needy one doesn't get it when they need it.2 people like this
@GooglePlus (3806)
•
16 Nov 20
@Raine38 Avoid Lending money now! That's how I am thinking of doing it right now at least for next 1 year.
That's how I am thinking of doing it right now at least for next 1 year. 1 person likes this
@popciclecold (40214)
• United States
16 Nov 20
It's bad when people do you like this. I have been done like that, but I soon realized that people use cunning and craft to get what they want. Now if they never paid me back, the account is closed.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12387)
• United States
28 Nov 20
I wonder if these people realize that by doing people wrong, they are essentially making their world smaller and smaller - fewer and fewer people will trust them. What is going to happen when the time that they absolutely need help, but nobody's there for them anymore?
