Biting My Tongue To Keep The Peace
By Raine38
@Raine38 (12387)
United States
January 1, 2021 1:25pm CST
Not really something that I want to particularly do today, but in a world where people have their own views and beliefs despite it being potentially harmful to them, I am not particularly sure if this is all I can do to keep the peace.
My husband's relative is not being truthful with his spouse. And the spouse is someone who does not seem to want to do anything with me for some reason. Maybe the relative also got her to think differently about me? 
He is trying to cloud her way of thinking ever since she got here. For instance, making her believe that since she cannot drive yet, she cannot go anywhere on foot, unless he will drive her there himself because here in the US, someone who is walking to a destination is seen as a homeless person. 
That is only a simple one, there are numerous more that are so untrue and very twisted.
I did try to say something about the walking part, and all I got is an "okay". I did get the message that she does not want to hear from me, nor to even know me despite the fact that I have first hand experience in getting acclimated to a new country. So I just let them be. Hey, if this dynamic works for them then all the best for them. But to keep the peace and to not get my husband caught in the middle, I will stay away and separate myself from them.
He is trying to cloud her way of thinking ever since she got here. For instance, making her believe that since she cannot drive yet, she cannot go anywhere on foot, unless he will drive her there himself because here in the US, someone who is walking to a destination is seen as a homeless person. That is only a simple one, there are numerous more that are so untrue and very twisted.
I did try to say something about the walking part, and all I got is an "okay". I did get the message that she does not want to hear from me, nor to even know me despite the fact that I have first hand experience in getting acclimated to a new country. So I just let them be. Hey, if this dynamic works for them then all the best for them. But to keep the peace and to not get my husband caught in the middle, I will stay away and separate myself from them.7 people like this
7 responses
@prinzcy (32299)
• Malaysia
2 Jan 21
Well, you've tried. If she refused to listen, then it's up to her. We can't change a person just because we don't like the way they live.
I have a co-worker that always expressed her jealousy towards my ability to drive a car. It's not a huge deal for us, yet a huge deal for her. She couldn't even drive a motorcycle. She always have to depend on her husband to go anywhere. I told her to learn and be more independent. What would happened if there's an emergency and her husband is not around. She was angry and told me it's not easy for her. She has a child. Now what that got to do with anything? She think I just know how to drive, just like that? I told her I also learn. Being married or having children have nothing to do with it. What matter is whether she want to learn. But she was sulking and no longer talking. So I rest my case. I am not interested if she's not even making an effort to help herself.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12387)
• United States
2 Jan 21
I love your first statement. At the risk of sounding meddlesome, I genuinely care about her. When I moved here in the United States, I know I felt lost and wished that someone is here for me as I get acclimated to a new culture and environment. I know how alone it must feel not knowing anyone who understands what she's going through and being thousands of miles away from family. But I guess I can take my help elsewhere.
My husband and I did talk about this last night, and he told me the same thing. He knows my heart is in the right place, but it is not welcomed there. And that is all I can do.
In your co-worker's case, it is hard to help someone who does not want to help herself. You can only do so much, the rest is up to her.
1 person likes this
@Marilynda1225 (91155)
• United States
2 Jan 21
Sometimes you just have to take a step back and let it all work itself out one way or another
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12387)
• United States
1 Jan 21
Your intuition baffles me. Yes, she is. And I have been keeping my distance. At first, I tried to befriend her, but all my offers for help or assistance are not taken. Once I even dropped some Asian foods at their place, nothing fancy or huge, just simple foods. She did thank me but she said that her husband (my husband's relative) does not like them. I was like, well it's not for him, it's for you, what's going on here?
I did not reach out anymore. But she complains on social media that she is lonely and she has not met any new friends yet. 
I guess I am not good enough for her.
Yes, she is. And I have been keeping my distance. At first, I tried to befriend her, but all my offers for help or assistance are not taken. Once I even dropped some Asian foods at their place, nothing fancy or huge, just simple foods. She did thank me but she said that her husband (my husband's relative) does not like them. I was like, well it's not for him, it's for you, what's going on here?
I did not reach out anymore. But she complains on social media that she is lonely and she has not met any new friends yet. I guess I am not good enough for her. 1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12387)
• United States
2 Jan 21
@thelme55 I hope she realizes her mistake soon, not because I want to be able to gloat and say I am right, but because she has a little daughter that she brought here. The poor kid will be affected, and because of my husband is a relative of hers, it will be awkward and very ugly if something happens. For their sake and my husband's peace of mind, I hope everything works out for them in the end.
Did you know that she spent $1,300 in Bath and Body Works products? Not for gifts, but for herself for personal consumption. She will not be able to use it all in one year, and per my experience the products go bad after a little over a year. But I will make a separate post on this one. I have very strong opinions about this and their situation that indirectly affect us, but of course I cannot say something about it in real life - so I just vent here.
1 person likes this
@thelme55 (79323)
• Germany
2 Jan 21
@Raine38 
Thank you. My intuition seems always right. I have a friend whose cousin is like that of a Filipina you mentioned. She married a German and her German husband and herself are acting like them. So, my friend is behaving like you now. She doesn´t reach out anymore to her cousin.
Don´t you worry. It´s their life and you have your own.. One day, that woman you mentioned will realize her mistakes.
Thank you. My intuition seems always right. I have a friend whose cousin is like that of a Filipina you mentioned. She married a German and her German husband and herself are acting like them. So, my friend is behaving like you now. She doesn´t reach out anymore to her cousin.
Don´t you worry. It´s their life and you have your own.. One day, that woman you mentioned will realize her mistakes.1 person likes this
@youfiq (2564)
• United States
2 Jan 21
sometimes people with their principles are difficult to change, even though what you say is the right thing, maybe all you do is have to wait until he realizes the truth and just wants to hear you. but you have been kind because of attention to him, most people just let it go, but you choose to tell him
1 person likes this
