My friend's birthday surprise. No one said "Thank you" to me. Part Two....
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
Perth, Australia
April 22, 2021 7:10am CST
*We spoke for a little bit but then got Cheri to sit at the table to open her presents. I was the only one who had gone out of the way to buy Cheri presents and a card. Cheri opened one bag and said how she thought the beach shells were cool. I sat there thinking "ok maybe she says thank you when all presents are opened." Then the bag with the nail polishes got opened, the bag with the beachy blue tropical candle, then the big present of the photo of beach.
....Nothing. Nothing was said. Comments were made like "This is cool" and "This is pretty." But no thank you. Like, at all. Look, I don't expect people to bend down to kiss my feet or match what I do but I seem to keep attracting people who don't simply say thank you. It shouldn't be that hard especially when 1: This girl has apparently never been treated like this before so you'd think that would be a reason to say thank you and 2: They are all well aware of the money troubles with my family right now.
I'm just feeling like, not doing anything anymore for people. Even smaller things. And not just because of this occasion. This happens a lot. I feel unappreciated.
****photo is of Cheri's presents before she opened them. That's Cheri in the mirror and Jessica on the right****
14 people like this
10 responses
@MALUSE (69413)
• Germany
22 Apr 21
When you've got over your disappointment a bit, do you think you could talk about this with the girls? Maybe they come from families where they didn't learn to say 'thank you'. I live with such people in the same house. They're nice and friendly but obviously haven't learnt some of the common polite phrases.
6 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
26 Apr 21
@MALUSE I will definitely take what you've said on board. I feel like me talking to them will take place (especially Cheri, the birthday girl) as this isn't the first time she hasn't told me "thank you" once I've helped her out.
"They're nice and friendly but obviously haven't learnt some of the common polite phrases." What you said there is perfect! These girls are nice but just lacking the manners.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
22 Apr 21
@Starkinds I'm afraid that I can tell you're not reading my posts. And that is ok I guess but no, if you read these posts, you will find out that I had a good time but I am not feeling happy with their lack of manners and their unwanted behaviours.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
22 Apr 21
@Starkinds Part of the title to these posts are "No one said thank you." So I'm disappointed.
2 people like this
@Starkinds (32703)
• India
23 Apr 21
@VivaLaDani13 ohh sorry to know that. I hope she will understand
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@sweetloveforeve (13107)
• Portugal
22 Apr 21
I don't understand how she didn't thank you for everything you did for her. Saying thank you is a must. I say it all the time even to people I barely know. It's called being polite. Besides what you did for her was so sweet. What you did for her is what we do for our family members. Honestly she doesn't deserve that you do something like this for her again. I understand that you feel unappreciated it happened to me many times already mostly at work. I always did everything to help colleagues at work but some of them tried to make bad to me saying bad things about me on my back and other things even though I always was so sweet and helpful to them. Just don't ever think there is something wrong with you. There is just that in this world the most part of people is bad and don't appreciate the good they have but sometimes we meet really nice people that appreciate the small things we do and for a moment it makes us forget all the things that made us feel bad one day. I really hope Cheri comes to her senses and see what you did for her and thank you and appreciate everything. She shouldn't take your friendship for granted because nowadays it is so hard to find good friends and of course if she doesn't appreciate what you do for her eventually she might lose your friendship and that would be a waste because you are an amazing friend. Be proud of everything you did for her. If she doesn't value it it's her loss. You did what a great friend would do.
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@sweetloveforeve (13107)
• Portugal
12 May 21
@VivaLaDani13 awww you are so kind thank you so much for your kind words 
You did the right thing being honest with Cheri so she knows that if she wants to keep your friendship she needs to be true to you.
You know it's like people say we never truly know what we have until we lose it and I think Cheri knows that you are a great and sweet friend and that you will never go away so she is not making enough effort. People tend to think that their friends are granted but if we don't show that we care enough with time people start to go distant.I just really hope that she can be a great friend to you as you are to her very soon. You sure deserve people to be the same to you as you are to them 
You did the right thing being honest with Cheri so she knows that if she wants to keep your friendship she needs to be true to you.
You know it's like people say we never truly know what we have until we lose it and I think Cheri knows that you are a great and sweet friend and that you will never go away so she is not making enough effort. People tend to think that their friends are granted but if we don't show that we care enough with time people start to go distant.I just really hope that she can be a great friend to you as you are to her very soon. You sure deserve people to be the same to you as you are to them 1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
26 Apr 21
@sweetloveforeve I am the same as you. I always say "Please" and I always say "Thank you." Sometimes I say "Thank you" more than 3 times as I truly am thankful. But as you've said, I don't understand how others can't do the same as that is a way to show gratefulness and appreciation.
I'm so sorry for how you were treated at work. I can tell you're a caring and helpful person so I'm sorry you were being taken for granted! 
Thank you so very much for everything you've said. The advice, the compliments, the sweet words and for sharing a personal story. It means a lot to me. I had promised Cheri (as I do every new friend) that I will always be there for her, and be her friend but if I feel like I'm being lied to, taken for granted, used etc then I don't want to be friends anymore so I have given that talk / warning. And you'd think, Cheri doesn't have a good home life or good friends, I really thought that would prompt her more to say "thank you" at least.
Thank you so very much for everything you've said. The advice, the compliments, the sweet words and for sharing a personal story. It means a lot to me. I had promised Cheri (as I do every new friend) that I will always be there for her, and be her friend but if I feel like I'm being lied to, taken for granted, used etc then I don't want to be friends anymore so I have given that talk / warning. And you'd think, Cheri doesn't have a good home life or good friends, I really thought that would prompt her more to say "thank you" at least.1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
13 May 21
@sweetloveforeve You're so very welcome. And thank you so much again for being so kind. I am not perfect, as no one really is but I know I like to try and be there for people as I know the feeling of feeling alone. It hurts me when it's happening to others but yes, as I said previously, I have a limit of so much I can take if being mistreated.
And you are exactly right. Friends need to know they are cared for and appreciated just like anyone else.
And thank you so much again for being so kind. I am not perfect, as no one really is but I know I like to try and be there for people as I know the feeling of feeling alone. It hurts me when it's happening to others but yes, as I said previously, I have a limit of so much I can take if being mistreated.
And you are exactly right. Friends need to know they are cared for and appreciated just like anyone else.
@LadyDuck (458091)
• Switzerland
22 Apr 21
Oh my! I cannot believe she did not even say thank you. I wonder if it's because she never had the occasion to thank someone, but c'mon a bit of good manners!!! I understand very well that you feel depressed and you do not want to do anything anymore. You are right.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (458091)
• Switzerland
27 Apr 21
@VivaLaDani13 When I do something for someone, I expect at least a "thank you". I know that I was really upset when I sent a gift to my niece and I never heard from her. I also sent home made cookies to her mother and I heard nothing, I often wonder if she ever received my cookies.
Do not be generous with her anymore, she does not deserve your generosity, she is selfish and cannot show the least of gratitude.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
30 Apr 21
@LadyDuck I agree and ditto. There shouldn't be any reason to not simply say those two words. I'm sorry about you not getting any "thank you" or feedback in general for what you kindly did.
I won't for sure. I am a generous person, but I am taking a step back from some things / some people now as I need the money myself! Even if no money is involved, then I am still taking a step back to save myself from feeling used or taken for granted.
I won't for sure. I am a generous person, but I am taking a step back from some things / some people now as I need the money myself! Even if no money is involved, then I am still taking a step back to save myself from feeling used or taken for granted.1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
26 Apr 21
@LadyDuck I know that can be a theory but still, it made me think that having someone do something nice for her would get her to say "thank you" even more but it had the complete opposite effect.
I don't feel like being generous with her anymore as there have been a few occasions now where I've bought her lunches / drinks and nothing. So next time we are out and she hints at being broke and being hungry / thirsty, I am just not going to react like I have this whole time.
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@DocAndersen (54413)
• United States
22 Apr 21
you said she doesn't get parties from her family right?
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@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
26 Apr 21
@DocAndersen From what I've heard, her family do not seem to treat her nicely. I have heard this from Cheri herself and a close family member of Cheri's (who I was doing my course with). I think I know where you are going with this. Like her not being used to it and not knowing how to say thank you (or something along those lines maybe) sorry if I am wrong but still, my thoughts are, if she doesn't get treated nicely, wouldn't that make her want to say "thank you" to me even more?
Even when we went out one day with her and another friend on a prison tour, I bought Cheri lunch and two drinks and she still even then, never said " thank you." That was also the day I told her I was worried about money / financial issues with my dad being out of work etc. Yet still no "thank you." I don't get it.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
30 Apr 21
@DocAndersen That is true. I'm still learning about her so maybe over time I can figure this out.
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@DocAndersen (54413)
• United States
26 Apr 21
@VivaLaDani13 i suspect you will find that she struggles with that. if you aren't introduced to please and thank you it is not easy to pick up
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@Treborika (17262)
• Mombasa, Kenya
30 Jan 23
We are in the trying times my dear. Just do good to people and expect no return from them
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@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
30 Jan 23
@Treborika I still think saying "thank you" is nice. I do not expect anything else. I spent over $600 and put a lot of effort into trying to make her happy. I think two words would have been nice.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
2 Feb 23
@Treborika Exactly. Two simple words would have meant the world to me.
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@Treborika (17262)
• Mombasa, Kenya
30 Jan 23
@VivaLaDani13 I am so amazed by the $600 that you spent on her and nothing from her in return even the word than you was enough for that.
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@m_audrey6788 (58485)
• Germany
22 Apr 21
Oh That`s really sad 
We really can`t expect anything from her. I guess, you just have to accept her at she is
We really can`t expect anything from her. I guess, you just have to accept her at she is 1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
26 Apr 21
@m_audrey6788 I agree. I will accept her for how she is but I'm just not going to be so generous anymore as there has been other occasions where she should have said "thank you" and never did after I've bought her lunches and drinks.
1 person likes this
@jobelbojel (34729)
• Philippines
1 May 21
Just wow, Dani. She has the reasons to be thankful. C'mon Cheri girl. Big or small she should learn to be grateful or maybe appreciative on your effort. Sad here.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
1 May 21
@jobelbojel I completely agree with you. Thank you kindly for reading and seeing it from my point of view. Much appreciated!
@MarshaMusselman (38657)
• Midland, Michigan
27 Apr 21
I think a lot might depend on what kind of personality she has. If she tends to be on the shy side she may not have known when to say thank you. ( I used to be shy and used to have a problem with that sort of thing)
Also is her family doesn't show appreciation for one another then she has no good examples to work with. What she said about each gift might have been here way of saying thank you even though you never heard those words.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
30 Apr 21
@MarshaMusselman I can agree that shy people can be like that. Though she is 100% not shy. Definitely an extrovert.
That is possible. I'm just unsure. I'm hoping over time I can learn more about her and figure that all out. Til then, I don't wish to continue being so generous.
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