How do you deal with friends and relatives you don't really want to talk to?

What does she talk about?

@Starkinds I like short specific calls with my local friends and band mates. But I do like catching up with my brother and other relatives.

Ha ha ha good one

@Laurakemunto Uhm... were you aware that pony (@TheHorse) IS a counselor? That's probably why his brother doesn't want to talk to him.

I want to be a good listener for my depressed brother. But I don't want to bother him if he does not want to talk.

@TheHorse you can try even harder they say you try but have you tried harder? To mean you can seek also the services of a counselor or a close relative or friend.

@TheHorse I hold grudges. But then, it pretty much depends upon the nature of trespass I suppose. I find my feelings are brushed aside on the grounds of me being a woman, or being unmarried or childless. I don't carry the tag along like caste, skin color. Others just start expectations and don't bother to take No for no. Striking example...Sid..right here on myLot. I told him I found the idea of adopting him unpalatable. Why did it have to be 8 emails and messages? Why even two comprehensive comments on boards did not push him back? So yeah, I am wary... when he was still trying to be you know "it is in your best interests" ... I had to be nasty - well, you threw your folks out of your home, the mother who did much for you as a kid, and you grumble no end about your in-laws and wife who looked after you and is your bread ticket. And you lie about not deleting posts about wife which DJ also came on... why should I be interested in adopting you, especially when you look like a transgender. The word transgender is what hurt him. Till when I don't become nasty verbally, folks don't back off with me Pony. I don't want to be nasty. Politeness does not work with some folks. No..looks were not the factor for refusing him. I am not gonna become a scandal here with folks alluding I am having an affair while his wife is working because he stays home...give me a break! He lives in India, and knows Indian environment. Last thing I need is disturbance of my mental peace in my old age. Nah..he was targeting me for inheriting something.

I am too quick in forgiving.

Yeah, but you're nice to talk with...

@just4him *DE digs his toes into the grass while blushing* You're welcome.

@DaddyEvil Thank you.

Do they avoid each other? @Vandana7 speaks of family issues.

@TheHorse In India the differences are usually because of a. Property issues; b. Perceived insults based on local thinking - which could be anything like caste, one up manship, jealousy because of higher social or financial position leading to something that feels too low for one or more of the family members, attempts by in-laws to favor richer son in law or daughter in law, stealing of marriage matches, dominating nature of in-laws, including sis in law, demands for monies ; c. Incestuous stuff that is not acceptable; d. Physical abuse for monies or otherwise, that is not acceptable. I am still trying to classify things... I wonder how it is at your end. I mean, the second category is essentially because of tradition and need to portray everything is hunky dory to outsiders - and attempt to tell others we can live together as a family. Differences exist. Lets face it. Even British Royal family has them. So trying to live like a joint family is a big sham.

@TheHorse we are not in touch and haven't met from years

We have good conversations when we talk. Most of them are "intellectual." But he does not like to hear about my "successes." I try to keep myself active in many areas, including music.

@TheHorse LOL. Well, that is his problem then. Not your issue.

@Prabhatsingh As a psychologist, it would be "mean" of me to be hard on people with major depression. But I've noticed that many want to talk about themselves and don't want to hear about it if someone else is doing "OK."

I see texting as more for "I am at Acme Eatery. Do you want to join me?" When it comes to deep conversations, I prefer live verbal interaction.

@TheHorse Yes, it's a hard one to argue with, unless you work in the same place. And since most of my relatives don't know much about working at the university, I can always be busy. Except with my father, he used to work there himself, but then I don't mind talking to him. Truth is of course that I'm hardly ever that busy, since I decide exactly when I do whatever I need to do, except going to lectures.

Heh. My brother uses "being too busy with work" as an excuse not to return my calls.

@DaddyEvil I've never reached a point yet where the bridges are are completely burned down and beyond redemption I'd sacrifice my " I don't want to talk to you " to fix the problem or have what I feel get across their heads.

But I'm the one who doesn't want to talk with them... It would defeat my purpose to explain why... they'd probably try to "fix" the problem and I don't want them to...

It's weekend ritual for my brother and me to talk. We've been "orphaned" for most of our lives. But I sense that he is not really that interested in what I have to say.

@TheHorse Some are like that no matter what you try. Sometimes loving from a distance is the best way.

I want to be supportive of my brother. But it seems it's always on his terms.

@wolfgirl569 We speak on the phone regularly, but I admit that I can't be with him for too long.

Do you make it clear to them that you do other things?

@Deepizzaguy Do you know why that is?

@TheHorse They will not listen to me at all.

Heh. I should try that.

@TheHorse I don't think you've ever mentioned them before, or if you did, I just wasn't paying attention.

One brother, two step-brothers, and a step-sister.

@TheHorse Just deciding to do it I guess, but in my case not sure what it would accomplish.

What would lead to a pow wow about it? I think of that sometimes.