Reconnecting with Extended Family
By pumpkinjam
@pumpkinjam (8876)
United Kingdom
September 2, 2021 2:17am CST
Good morning (it's 7:46am here as I begin). How are you all?
Today, I want to talk about family. Where does 'extended' family begin? I'd consider my parents, siblings, husband, children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews as 'immediate' and then cousins, aunts, uncles, and beyond as extended. I don't know if that's the correct official definition. I do know that the people I generally refer to as 'second cousins' (my cousins' children) are, in fact, first cousins once removed. A second cousin is the child of your parent's cousin. Anyway, that sort of thing can get quite complicated, especially when there are several generations. I now mostly refer to all of them as cousins or second cousins unless I need to be specific.
I have 16 first cousins. 15 of them have children of their own. At least 3 of my first cousins have grandchildren, and one has great grandchildren... As I'm sure you can imagine, it's not easy to keep in touch with all of them. Some are a lot older than me so I didn't grow up with them.
Recently, I've tried to keep in touch with my cousins on my dad's side. Partly because they're closer in age but also because there are only 3 cousins and they have 4 children between them. One of them, I see occasionally but we don't properly keep in touch. One lives the opposite side of the planet. I'll send messages on birthdays and at Christmas, with an occasional hello in between. The third, my youngest cousin, I've spent the last almost 2 years trying to arrange to see her. I'd never met her children, but always send them birthday cards. The last time I saw my cousin was about 7 years ago.
We were finally able to make a plan to meet up recently. Cousin and her husband brought their three children to my town and we went to my local park. It was lovely to see them all. My eldest son also came with us and joined in our conversation. He got on with Cousin's husband as they're both teachers (well one teacher and one training to be).
I was half expecting awkward silence and not knowing what to say. It wasn't like that at all. My cousin looked beautiful, healthy and happy. Her children were really good. The eldest (he's nearly 5) was showing me some pictures and telling me all about them. He's just started school now. The middle one (he's 2) didn't talk much to us as he was very busy playing. The baby (she's only 8 months) was smiling all the time.
We had a lovely time and we're hoping that it won't be another 7 years before we see each other again!
On the same day we met them, we went out to a small local music festival. My eldest son and I met up with my sister and her sister-in-law. It was fun, and we saw an old friend of my sister's there. That was last weekend.
This weekend, my husband, youngest son, and I will be out for a meal with my sister-in-law (husband's sister), her husband, and their two children. My eldest has gone back up to his university town otherwise he'd have joined us. We're going out to celebrate brother-in-law's 50th (which was a couple of weeks ago). There have been a few big birthdays this year, some that we couldn't celebrate as we'd hoped. Perhaps we'll make up for that next year.
It's been nice to be able to spend time with people again. We have some family that we don't see often under normal circumstances as they live too far away, but there are some we'd usually see a lot more. It's usually me making the effort and the plans - I intend to take over from my mother-in-law as Matriarch
Do you have a large family? Do you manage to keep in touch with them all or see them often?
Do you have a large family? Do you manage to keep in touch with them all or see them often?10 people like this
8 responses
@allen0187 (59827)
• Philippines
2 Sep 21
I have a fairly small family. My father has two elder sisters. One did not marry while the second one passed away a couple of years back has five children. My mother has four brothers and each has a family of their own. In my father's side, I have five cousins while in my mother's side, I have eight cousins.
Yes, we do keep in touch via social media.
2 people like this
@pumpkinjam (8876)
• United Kingdom
3 Sep 21
That's good you keep in touch. I do my best. My son has some family on his dads side that he doesn't see but that's their choice. It's a shame, but it does make me more determined to make the extra effort with everyone else.
1 person likes this
@allen0187 (59827)
• Philippines
3 Sep 21
@pumpkinjam I try to keep in touch especially with the pandemic.
Nice to chat with family.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8876)
• United Kingdom
3 Sep 21
It can be difficult. Technology can help, but sometimes life gets in the way. I'd started making more of an effort with family and friends, tried to make plans rather than just saying we'll have to make plans! Then covid got in the way of the plans I'd try to make!
Sometimes I feel I'm making more effort with some people than others but there are so many of them, it's tiring to keep up!
@allknowing (153529)
• India
4 Sep 21
Our extended family has settled down some of them in the USA, and some in Australia - they are nephews and nieces. The contact is becoming sparse and their children hardly interact. Such is life.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8876)
• United Kingdom
4 Sep 21
It can be a shame when families lose touch, I think, especially if they have been close. It can't be helped, of course. Once families spread out, have their own lives, it becomes much more difficult.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (153529)
• India
4 Sep 21
@pumpkinjam We all are exposed to so much around us that depending on family for whatever our ancestors depended on does not exist.
@pumpkinjam (8876)
• United Kingdom
3 Sep 21
That's what I love about FB. It has helped us to keep in touch with people far away. I have 2 cousins in another country, 1 who is sometimes based in another country (he's a pilot), and the rest are spread across England. I don't keep in touch with them very well, but I'll stay connected with most through FB and send greetings for special occasions.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (502738)
• Italy
3 Sep 21
@pumpkinjam My family and the rest of my relatives all live in Italy, I am the only one living abroad.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (222726)
• United States
2 Sep 21
I'm glad you were able to spend some time with family. On my husband's side, we are the oldest living relatives. All of the other aunts, uncles, etc. have passed away. There are some cousins left; and we see them once or twice a year. Have a good day.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8876)
• United Kingdom
3 Sep 21
It's nice that you get to see them. We have family we don't see for years at a time. Last time we had a chance to see some, we weren't able to make it. The sad thing is that it would have been the last time I could have seen my oldest aunt as she passed away in March 2020. I'd invited her to my wedding in 2019, but she wasn't well enough to attend. She sent me flowers, though. I sent a letter asking her to stay in touch but that wasn't to be.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8876)
• United Kingdom
4 Sep 21
@LindaOHio Thank you. She was a lovely lady, very accomplished. She had a good life and was in her 80s. Still sad, of course, but she left her mark.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (222726)
• United States
3 Sep 21
@pumpkinjam I'm sorry to hear about your aunt's passing.
1 person likes this

@sharonelton (30756)
• Lichfield, England
2 Sep 21
I'm fine, thank you. Yes, it is very complicated. I don't know half my extended family!
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8876)
• United Kingdom
3 Sep 21
It can be tricky. I think I'd recognise most of mine as there are certain traits from different parts of the family. There are some I'd have no chance of recognising. It can be hard when you don't grow up with them. They say cousins are your first friends but half of my cousins are quite a bit older than me, some had their families when I was still a child, and I didn't see most of them often.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8876)
• United Kingdom
4 Sep 21
@sharonelton I know the names of all my aunts and uncles, and all of my first cousins. Beyond that, I know the names of some but don't even know how many children a couple of my cousins have!
My mum was one of 5, so not quite that big!
I think my mother-in-law was one of 10. Not many of them left. My mother-in-law is the youngest but all of her siblings are half-siblings. She was the only one from her father. Her siblings are also a lot older than her. That family is similar to my mum's side (although my mum's siblings are all full siblings) in that there is such an age gap that the generations are muddled e.g. cousins older than aunts, etc.
1 person likes this
@sharonelton (30756)
• Lichfield, England
6 Sep 21
@pumpkinjam Our families are complicated! I am the only child of my father. My brother is a step-brother after my Mum married my step-dad.
1 person likes this

@pumpkinjam (8876)
• United Kingdom
8 Sep 21
We have wondered if my husband's side has more family as we believe one person (grandfather or great grandfather, I think) left England and had another family in the USA
1 person likes this
@Letranknight2015 (52665)
• Philippines
7 Sep 21
I have not talk to my cousins for a long time. I have not even visited the province were they live for a long while.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8876)
• United Kingdom
7 Sep 21
I'm not sure where some of my cousins live, but I am trying to make the effort where I can.









