I am absolutely FURIOUS!!!!

United States
November 24, 2021 11:26pm CST
Usually I don't get this angry, but my "friend" is pushing the straw and the camel's back thing too far. I guess I should start at the beginning. I reconnected with a friend that I hadn't been in contact with for quite a few years. I figured that they had straightened out their lives and wouldn't be borrowing from me any more. Boy was I wrong!!! Back in May, when it was 110 degrees in the shade, this friend needed money and couldn't wait for the mail to bring it to her the next day....plus she needed some personal items. She kept harping on them and trying to find someone to loan them money and her being able to get to the store until I blew a fuse. I got on my scooter and rode the 15 miles in the heat, bought the stuff she needed (including diet coke) and delivered it with $60. I got thanked and I told the woman that it was really hard on me because of the heat. I got the old saw, "We don't have air conditioning", like I could do something about it. I ended up leaving and riding home in the heat. I was sick for three days afterwards. Then I got the same story two months later. I sent her $35 and told her that I can't afford to provide for her because she can't get it through to her husband that they need to budget for the month. I was told that she knows and it won't happen again. It did and she now owes me close to $300. She borrowed $60 this month to pay the bill for their credit purchase that they had two more payments on. NOW I'm getting hit with her sniveling and whining that she doesn't have food for the rest of the month. SHE has to eat because SHE has a medical condition. SHE doesn't know what SHE is going to do. It's hinting like a hit in the head with a brick that she expects me to bail her out again. I bail her out and it puts the bill over $300 easily. I'm not too sure who I am more furious with, myself for falling for her tail of woe of not having the funds to get food. She has used what she had getting prepared food at the convenience store just up the street. A sandwich is over $7. I flinch at $1.59 for a hot dog!!! She is out of money by the 8th of the month while I make my money last. As soon as she is out of money she is on the phone to me about the fact that she needs....and the list doesn't stop. During the same conversation she will tell me about what she ordered from eBay etc. I tried so hard to get through to her that I'm not a bank and can't pee $50's or poop $100's. She apologizes and promises not to hit me up "for" again and by the last week of the month the "I need's" come out again. I crawled in bed, angry with the situation. Furious with myself for letting her get to me with her sniveling that she doesn't have enough food for the rest of the month, and angry with her for feeling that she could manipulate me into hauling her a ton of groceries. Yes, for a change I have some extra cash that I could get her groceries with, but the point is that she isn't learning anything from that. Plus if I should happen to need something in case of an emergency I don't have the funds. I got to the point of anger that I just had to get up and try to simmer down. I have had to spend 4 months this year short on funds, or totally out of funds because of her needful self. I can't physically keep this up as I live on a very limited income. Two of the 4 months were September and October....I didn't have any cash from the 13th until the first of the next month. I was completely and totally stone broke. What would you do? She has more than I do coming in and is constantly broke. I work hard at living on my budget and try to have some money left in the bank at the end of the month and I don't fling my money around like water. Would you be this angry at being played? It's going to be a long time, if ever, when she gets me paid back. Does the dole end sometime?
7 people like this
8 responses
• United States
25 Nov
You are as much responsible as she is. Your heart is in the right place but you're enabling a user to use. I would call her and say you're removing toxic people from your circle. Wish her well and let it go. If she calls on you, just say no. After hearing no from you several times, she'll likely stop asking. She knows what she's doing. Don't play. It might be hard to tell her no but you can't afford a friend like that. I hope it turns out well.
2 people like this
• United States
25 Nov
You're right! But I am going to wait and see if she starts paying me back. The bank is definitely closed. I have told her my health can't take the stress, and she will hear it one more time, that I can't keep helping her out. She can get a job where she works at home. But like I said her income is much more than mine. She needs to hear that she is doing like the man she is trying to get out of her life and being a user, the truth will hurt but she needs to hear it. Thank you!!! You reinforced that I have a right to be angry and YES I have to shut this behavior off. Thank you for your words of reason and it will happen. Thank you and have a Great Thanksgiving.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Nov
@BearArtistLady Thank you. I hope you have a wonderful day on Thanksgiving.
@LadyDuck (375910)
• Switzerland
25 Nov
I agree with everything @Vikingswest1 wrote. You are also responsible, as you continued to give her money and to help this person. When people ask for favors and money all the time, they are only lazy people who have no intentions to find a job, work hard to earn money and repay their debts.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Nov
The thing is, she still has two good hands and can find a job working with them. She wants to be the center of attention and have all the sympathy because of her pain. I'm in worse pain than she is and I still work to make ends meet. I constantly work at making artist teddy bears to sell for a little extra each month. I don't "borrow" from people and never have. At this point in time I'm still angry at being used so much and at myself for allowing it to happen. I remember many meals that might have been just rice and some soup but it filled the empty. I've got a $5 bet that she'll call about needing another $60 to pay her bill for her stereo and console for it. I just won't have it. I budget my money so that I can pay my bills a little ahead so I don't have to worry...I pay EACH month just to be sure if I have an emergency I'm paid ahead. I don't squander my money on useless crap like stickers and such for memory books when I don't have that kind of money, nor do I order from eBay if I can't afford it. The person I bet with has already conceded the bet, that the phone call will come about the stereo....wonder what she'll need the money for next.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (375910)
• Switzerland
26 Nov
@BearArtistLady Never give her money again, because those people do not want to work. Each time they find someone who give them money. Never do this again.
• United States
28 Nov
@LadyDuck It won't happen, I can't afford to loan her money no matter how much.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (61661)
• Canada
25 Nov
You're a good person, and to be a great friend you need to stop answering her calls and let her become independent.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Nov
You're so right! She has it firmly in her mind that everyone is happy to come to her rescue, and it isn't true. Not when I have to scrape through my change jar for enough to do laundry because I don't have the cash. I am going to stop answering the phone when she calls...I can't take the stress. I've been on my own most of my life and done well at it. I work as a bear artist and have that temperament. Each time I go through her garbage over the phone it shuts down my "work" want. I love doing art but I can't when I am this furious. I think if you talk to most artists, no matter what they do, they will say the same thing; "I can't work when I'm upset. Besides my doing the teddy bears and selling them helps add to my budget, her keeping me upset with her awful calls doesn't help that either. Thank you so much for the smack up aside the head...I really need to eliminate her phone calls and her begging for money.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (61661)
• Canada
26 Nov
@BearArtistLady I hope that it didn't come across quite as hard as a smack up alongside your head, but you got the drift.
• United States
28 Nov
@Juliaacv Sometimes I need to be smacked aside the head...I finally got over the furious and last night I got a call from the person responsible for the anger. She spoke to a friend who set her straight about the whining and borrowing money and all that she has been doing. Apparently the friend must be a psychologist and one of the things she said is "How would you feel if you had all this coming at you? Your friend must be a saint!" I'll see how next month goes...I've still got the fiver bet on the fact that she'll need the money for the rental payment on their stereo and console. I'll let you know if I win.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (264588)
• Rockingham, Australia
26 Nov
I would be angry too but only you can stop the cycle by refusing to give her any more money. Harden your heart. I'm betting she won't starve.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Nov
You're right! She called last night and let me know that her new friend had brought her enough food to last her until the first. I about went through the roof!!! The hell she put me through with all her whining and sniveling and....man this heart is getting darned hard!!! I can't afford to help support her too. I'm digging through my change right now for enough to do a load of laundry.
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (48366)
• Marion, Ohio
25 Nov
I would be angry at myself more than anything. Close the bank right now. She will fast get the hint and leave you alone. She is not a true friend. I see a guy on my fb that hints at needing things at times. I never respond to those posts of his but will chat with him other times. I know he is on a fixed income. But so are we and we make it work. Dont expect the money back. If you would get it be happy and still dont give her anymore.
• United States
25 Nov
I am more angry at myself for falling for all the crying about her needing. She reminds me of a friend my Mom had. The woman got $50 on Social Security and needed a car. My parents were both working so they could afford to buy her a cute little Nash Metropolitan for the sum of $50. They paid the registration, insurance, etc on the car and gave it to the woman. The woman way extremely upset....She wanted Mom's brand new Ford Thunderbird. Needless to say the friendship ended right then and there. I feel a bit guilty about refusing to take the bait...but. It isn't only the food but also the funds to get transportation to the store and then to her house and then back home. I don't have the cash to pay for a ride anywhere. I also look at it that she has to stand up for herself and figure out things herself....including when she has milked a thing too far.
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (48366)
• Marion, Ohio
26 Nov
@BearArtistLady When you gave to her the second time you oked it for her to ask constantly. She doesnt want to watch what she does. I dont blame your parents at all.
@Courtlynn (71893)
• United States
25 Nov
I wouldnt have helped if i couldnt.
• United States
25 Nov
I've always been a helper...even when it hurts my own finances. But this is pushing too hard and too far. Let's face it, she is fixing two pork roasts for Thanksgiving for her and her friend, and then telling me that she might have enough food for the next day. She knows how I feel about people being hungry....then it slips that she has other food that she could make do with. It might not be on her "diet" or what she really wants, but it fills the big empty. She has a tendency to use the "HELP ME" card too much, too soon. If it weren't every month it would be totally different, but it's like she isn't even trying. I have to say no to a lot of things I want or want to eat. I haven't eaten out in a long time. I used to have a Starbucks once a week. Now the last one I had in 11 months was for my birthday. I saved up for that one. I guess it boils down to she is using me as additional income so she can enjoy doing other things like having store bought sandwiches when she doesn't feel like cooking...
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (71893)
• United States
25 Nov
@BearArtistLady so have we. Until a few years ago when we put our foot down because no one ever helps us.
• United States
31 Dec
First I want to say "Hello, it is so good to see you again, I really missed you!" As for your friend, her kind of friendship is not being a friend, and it is toxic. I strongly suggest you remove her from your life. You're a great person and I hate to see you taken advantage of.
@RasmaSandra (50830)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
25 Nov
You have gone and spoiled her and she thinks now she can totally rely on you for money, Stop the money flow and stop talking to her and let her figure it all out by herself, I am constantly in financial problems but I am trying to figure things out for myself and so finally I got on a survey site, Took 3 days but $5.95 is on the way to my account, Sure its little but I tell you it can add up and I will keep looking for writing jobs and other possibilities and of course keep doing the surveys, If I can anyone can just got to be positive and determined, I wish you the best of luck getting this woman off your back,