Until death do us apart...and beyond...
By vanny
@vandana7 (102536)
India
October 23, 2025 11:59pm CST
Some people are not loners ....they want company ...CONSTANTLY.
Others like I turn to online set ups ...for their dose of community, having been disillusioned by real life scenarios.
And yet others ...enjoy their own company ... books, music, and all that.
I am a hybrid actually of second and third types.
So...in India, second marriages are not as popular as in the western world.
A woman is expected to live with the same man ....forever........even if he is abusive...or has another family...or drinks...or gambles...or whatever....
Even if she walks out on that guy. ... nobody wants her... usually because she already has kids, and kids mean responsibility...and money outflow. But also because of insecurity that she is brave enough to walk out and that is not a good sign. Is it? LOL
The situation gets even worse for those who are well past their prime. Their kids feel ashamed if they seek companionship. The word marriage is unfortunately associated with sex, and the kids now old enough cannot bear the thought their parents enjoying sex.... like them.
Well, it is not always about sex. Not every elderly couple is looking for that.... they are looking for somebody with whom they can talk. Somebody who will be around to help them. Kids would be busy in their world, and they would have lost their spouses, or even be folks who never married.
What is it that makes us Indians so inconsiderate? The inheritance - likely inheritance?
When the surviving parent falls in the bathroom....we are willing to leave them at the mercy of house helps, right? Can they be trusted as much as a spouse? A spouse offers symbiotic relationship. You fall I will be there for you, I fall you be there for me.
I tried a million ways to match make for my father. My father did not remarry. And because I was a girl, few would come forward too, because girl is a responsibility. A boy would have been easier to tackle. Perhaps. For a girl, the family has to spare huge sums....dowry, which would not leave much for the incoming bride and her children. So yeah...nothing worked.
Now....at 66, I worry ...what if I die of cardiac arrest. Most of our family members have had that route for their death. Dad may still have another 5 to 10 years ahead.... but I could die even in an accident, right?
Spend my time worrying...and that makes me feel older with each passing day. Leave it on god they say. But somewhere....there is also this belief ....god helps those who help themselves.
Have never taken many obligations as an adult. Magnified the small ones gigantically. But...going forward.........I might have to take help. I hate this situation.
I wonder why children don't realize this.
9 people like this
7 responses
@LadyDuck (489778)
• Italy
24 Oct
I know how you feel Vanny. My husband now suffers of senile dementia. He needs me, he can do nothing if I am not around, so what if I have an accident or I die of a heart attack.
I wrote and printed a memo for him with people he has immediately to contact, but I am concerned.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (102536)
• India
25 Oct
I did all that. But Dad simply takes no interest in monetary aspects. He even needs his medication given to him Anna. Last three years or so, my mind is constantly focused on how things will be for him, should I pass on. I think he will be left alone in the apartment, unable to move or eat...the thought scares me.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (102536)
• India
25 Oct
@LadyDuck Some astrologer I spoke to told me that I may not be around for more than two years. That was six months ago, so maybe one and a half years now. I am still hoping to live till 74.5 as per another astrologer's prediction. He did mention that I have to complete doing something. I could complete it by 25th or 1st... what it was, he did not tell me.
Fast forward, I am now aware as to what are the things I have to do. What I am born for. And yes, much of it is sorta in order. Makes me wonder if I would finish it in one and a half year or so. LOL
1 person likes this
@arunima25 (92785)
• Bangalore, India
24 Oct
I am a die hard fan of one song " kucch to log kahenge..". I am sure that you would have heard it too. Society will not spare anyone. We live in the society but we have our individual conscience and convictions. I am one person who does not over think. If I am in alignment with my conviction, I will challenge societal norms. People with strong convictions do it.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (102536)
• India
24 Oct
Arunima, there is a price to pay for the help. I am honest enough to realize that. Just how much and how well can I manage. In Dad's case, the other issue was also his older brother and sister. They were dependent on him. The last thing they would want is he getting married. All my attempts were kinda...laughed at? Ridiculed? Yeah...all that went on too. Attempt was also to keep me financially helpless such that they would have somebody to look after them...while their kids went abroad. Just that this part did not work out like that. LOL. Now....I am not showing any signs of cardiac issues. But there have been many who have not shown any symptoms and went out in a single stroke. I am more likely to suffer paralysis the way my legs pain. What will happen to my parent then? Wish he had been brave...he would have spared me so much worry...
3 people like this
@arunima25 (92785)
• Bangalore, India
26 Oct
@vandana7 You are brave and smart. Something will work out. You are right that we have to pay a price for everything. All our decisions and actions whether good or bad, wrong or right come with a price. Relatives can be evil in many situations. Actually people are selfish, at least the majority are.
You are doing the best that you can. What's beyond your capacity, is something not to be worried about. Even I would like things to be planned and work out as I plan.. but now I realize the truth in what my grandfather would say... Man purposes, God disposes.
1 person likes this
@crossbones27 (51858)
• Mojave, California
24 Oct
Welcome to the Questions America has always asked, Europe, Canada And Australia. You can probably throw in South Korea, Taiwan, Singapore Not to sound rude but there was a reason people's freedoms won over everything because people were tired of being stuck to crap lives like that.
Whats funny about America is many want to go back. I will be a servant to my husband if I do not have to work for corporate America anymore. Maybe thats the real problem. We all servants to something in the end.
Only way to stay happy to yourself is never get married or have kids and be poor because no one will take advantage of you, but they then will look for ways to lock you up for being poor. Dammit I thought I had this world licked. 
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (102536)
• India
25 Oct
To an extent, working in corporate world is scary out here. There is stiff competition and office politics because of the excess population. There is exploitation of labor. People work for more than the normal hours for less pay...no overtime. LOL It is tiring, especially if you have to travel in local transport (buses) reach home, freshen up, cook, feed the family, prepare for the next day....you know....it becomes monotonous. Add the growing antagonism towards working women, because of which there are crimes against them. I think men here don't study in time. Then when they don't get proper jobs ..they start resenting women, thinking the women got the job because they granted favors. If the girl becomes their boss and asks them to be accountable, the ego hurts, and that leads to crimes.
It is that environment girls here don't want to step in. But I think tackling it as I did, helps to tackle many other things later on in the life.
I think American prisons are pretty neat when compared to ours. LOL
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (92331)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
24 Oct
Not good to worry, I have accepted the fact for the rest of my days I will be alone, I pray twice a day and do what I can to keep my mind active and myself up and moving,
1 person likes this
@Nevena83 (66065)
• Serbia
24 Oct
Oh, these are very serious topics. I'm afraid of loneliness, but I try not to think about it. I got married when I was 18 and a year later I had a son. A year after my son was born, I got divorced. And I never got married again. My son is now 23 years old.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (102536)
• India
25 Oct
I am scared of him being alone in the apartment. He doesn't want to understand any finances...he simply does not understand money...which is actually the reason for our tough life. But now that things are somewhat sorted.........he needs to be aware how to manage things. Should I pass on before him, or even need hospitalization...handle emergencies...his memory fails him. Trusting others is tough. Taking help means they ask for return favor, and in our case, return favors are huge...they borrow never to return.
1 person likes this
