A Touch of Anxiety and Crappy Memories.

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My anxiety is up a little today. It’s off and on, and not crippling, but it is noticeable. I thought it was from the Adderall and iced tea, but I don’t think so. I don’t feel the way I did the other day. I thought it was because of a warning I got from one of the writing platforms I’m on. I made too many typos in one piece. While it’s concerning, I’m not panicking because we all have our bad days, and I can fix it. They told me where I went wrong and what to do going forward. But it’s April 16th. Tonight will be five years since my Mom fell down the stairs. She fell from the middle, and I watched it happen. She called for me because she was dizzy. I told her to sit down until I got to her. As I turned the hallway light on and turned to her, she leaned forward (while sitting) and fell from the middle of the stairs. :( This was the start of four months of watching her health and activity decline. She passed away on August 15th, 2021, in her sleep at the hospital (during one of her many stays). She was taken to a different hospital altogether, and unlike the others, they found and diagnosed her diverticulitis tear within 24 hours. Unfortunately, it led to a blood infection. She was already a heart patient, so you can see how the story ends. I miss her so much. :’( I don’t know why I felt the need to rehash all that. Maybe I just needed to get it out. I know I CAN talk to my siblings, especially my sisters, but I don’t want to bring up that pain for them. I’m sure they’re already thinking about it, but yeah. But yep, this is the time of year where we get those reminders. Right near Mother’s Day, how lovely. My plan when I get home tonight is to stay busy until I’m ready to wind down. I know I have to do laundry and feed the dogs. Maybe I’ll do some dishes. Maybe I’ll start packing early. I don’t know. And if I NEED to “do nothing,” I’ll read, play a game, or watch a movie. Go through my notifications on here. But I don’t want to doomscroll because my mind may wander. Fortunately, I’ll be busy with work and shopping for the next few hours. I’ll be okay; I just need to get through tonight, so it can stay behind me until next year (or well, the next reminder). I’m sure the lack of sleep doesn’t help, but I’ll lie down and watch The Golden Girls tonight. I’m on season six on Hulu, but CMT is playing season one, which is my ultimate comfort season. Okay, I’m going to get some work done. You all stay safe and take care.