Deserving...or not?
By Marie Coyle
@MarieCoyle (60145)
July 6, 2026 3:14pm CST
I'm not sure why but I sometimes struggle with people who often justify things with a statement like ''I deserve this!'' And I have to wonder--why do they have to voice this? Has someone told them they are undeserving? Do they struggle with self-esteem? Did they grow up with nothing, so now they are possibly trying to make up for what they didn't have?
I have a friend who does this often (not my bestie.) If she wants something pricey and decides to buy it, she says she deserves it. If she does anything out of the ordinary, she deserves it. She justifies almost all of her actions with this deserving thing--if it's anything she doesn't actually need, she thinks she deserves it. But...why? She didn't have a tough childhood. Her family had all they needed and more. The only thing I have been able to come up with is that her parents were rather cold and unemotional to their children--but yet the other two kids are not like my friend, so that guess could be wrong. The entitlement she exudes chases people away, and then she thinks they are snubbing her. She's lonely, but doesn't realize why she is. Oh, and she has 3 ex-husbands, and her grown children don't have much contact with her.
I just have to wonder why some people feel they have to justify everything with an affirmation of deserving? It seems to be more entitlement than it is deserving with my friend. She has almost no one left in her life, and she still doesn't see it.
Recently I stumbled on this, thought I would post it with the discussion.
https://katierossler.com/questioning-your-worth/
8 people like this
8 responses
@snowy22315 (210184)
• United States
3h
What else does she do to push people away besides saying I deserve this?
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (60145)
•
2h
She treats service people like dirt....cashiers, waitresses, the kid who mows her yard, basically--if you aren't on her elite list, you are going to get treated like garbage. She was so rude to an Uber guy once that he put her on a list for the city Uber drivers not to pick her up. He just refunded her money (she didn't ask, he told Uber he did it so she would stop complaining. I could go on, but you get the idea, I'm sure.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (210184)
• United States
2h
@MarieCoyle OK, now the puzzle fits. That's a lot worse than saying I deserve this 
@RasmaSandra (98755)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
4h
Good things come my way I look up to the heavens and thank the Lord,
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (122319)
• United States
5h
It’s got to be low self-esteem. I mean people do and say things to make themselves feel good, and you just look around like, huh? If it makes them feel better okay, but like you said, it runs people off and too often they have no idea what they did.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (60145)
•
5h
I agree, self-esteem is the big factor. But announcing constantly that they deserve something isn’t necessary, she wants affirmation of whatever it is she thinks she deserves. In her case, it’s a cry for attention.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (60145)
•
3h
In this case, and probably in others, I really do think she is seeking attention and affirmation. She wants everyone she can think of to say, yes you deserve it. It’s way past getting old.
1 person likes this
@Deepizzaguy (122972)
• Lake Charles, Louisiana
5h
I have seen actions of some people who believe that the world owes them a living mentality.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (60145)
•
3h
I have noticed that many people who do this don’t lack for much in life. They have a mindset of wanting more and more, always.
@GardenGerty (169884)
• United States
Just now
Because deep down she thinks she does not deserve it. She has to pump herself up because she is afraid that if she does not, no one else will either.
@Nakitakona (60183)
• Philippines
2h
As far as I could remember praising yourself is one of the human needs in order for him to feel gratified.
