My anxiety comes from other peoples anxiety

It's not just about money but also about availability. We have terrible mental healthcare around here for adults; kids have better options. It's one of the things I worry about when my son becomes an adult. I am pushing forward, and I'm doing the best with what I have. I'm not the worst I've ever been, considering everything going on. The issue is trying to make sure my son and husband can get their stuff taken care of because even with mental healthcare coming my way, I don't feel like I'd feel any better because the worries don't go away especially when I'm adding more medical bills and worrying more about how I won't be able to pay for what they need, no matter how much I talk about them, and medication freaks me out (side effects and playing trial and error). My entire life has been one crappy thing after another, and I've always managed to get through them mostly with prayer and time. I also realize that things could always be worse. There are people going through far more than I am right now, not that it makes my issues irrelevant; it just gives me perspective. I know a lot of people going through a lot right now. I don't know what it is about 2026, but it sure seems like it's putting everyone through the wringer. I honestly believe I'll eventually be ok. If it gets to the point where I genuinely think I won't be ok, then I'll go see someone; I've done that in the past. I did therapy for years, but it really didn't help me much. I actually ended up hating therapy. I went through three therapists before I finally quit after the last one. I just couldn't see continuing with something that didn't seem to help. It's not like iI quit after a few months; I went for several years.

@MarieCoyle My son already goes to counseling. He sees a therapist once a week, and he also has a medication therapist who deals with his medication. I was seeing someone up until COVID, but stopped because they kept giving me new therapists. Our insurance doesn't cover anyone good for adults, which is part of the problem. The goal is to make sure my husband finishes getting his stuff taken care of before we file, because otherwise we'll just be in medical debt again. I hated therapy with a passion when I was going. It didn't feel like it was helping at all, and that might have also been because there was only one place my insurance would cover, and that is still the only option for me currently; there isn't anyone else that takes our insurance around here, which I think is also part of why my husband doesn't want to go, and I hoenstly can't blame him if that's the reason. My area is pretty limited when it comes to mental health resources, which is sad because there are so many people that need it. I also worry for my son when he gets too old for his current therapists. I've been living my life day by day to get by. Everyone is dealing with something, and yeah, currently I'm really going through it, but a lot of people are. My anxiety does make it worse for me, and I realize that. There are days it feels like I'm drowning, and then there are days I feel like it's all going to be ok. As I said, it is difficult because of all of the situations I'm going through, medical debt being hard, and having mental health struggles, but I'm coping the best way I can currently. If we had a better mental health care provider, I would have never quit going in the first place, but when you spend years going to someone and have had four different therapists and none of it seems to be working, it just seems like a waste of money and time. If it got to the point I felt a mental breakdown coming on I'd go, but that's not where I am currently. I'm definitely struggling, but it's not to that point where I feel like I'm completely broken. Life is always going to be full of difficult things, because that's life. I understand that things can and will get harder. I also understand that if I start feeling like I'm about to completely shut down I need to ask for help. I'm not there yet; I'm definitely at a place where I could potentially see it going that way if I don't figure some stuff out, but I'm not there yet, and my goal is to not get there. I've been working through some stuff mostly on my own or with people I genuinely trust, so I am not holding it all in, but yeah, I can't say it won't go that way, but I'm trying. As of right now, I do think I'll eventually be fine. If that changes, that's something I'll have to think about how I want to handle it, because as I mentioned, therapy isn't the best around here.

It's not fun; I have pretty bad anxiety and mild depression. I struggle when I see people around me hurting or scared. It has always been this way. When you care about people, their health and mental state often matter more to you than your own.

@sissy15 ..........i can certainly understand that. For me it's my daughter and two grandkids. Anxiety gets very bad when things are going on with them.

I wish I could make him understand, but that's just who he is. He doesn't think he's being dramatic; he really does think everything that happens to him is the worst thing ever. The issue is sometimes it's not him being dramatic, and it really is bad, and I don't always know which is which. It makes things harder.

@sissy15 sending virtual hugs,

Yeah, I am usually calmer on the outside than I am on the inside. Everyone thinks I have it together when I don't, because that's just the face I have to put on. My son has started recognizing that when I get quiet, it means that I'm worried or am overthinking something. I hate that he figured that out, but when you're close to someone, they start to figure you out. I often see people going through worse things than I am and wonder how they are holding it all together, because I don't think I could in their situation.

@sissy15 I'm just that way too. I try to be calm in hard situations, meanwhile, things are falling apart. It is what it is.

@Wrexxo It happens that way sometimes. I don't hold it all in; I do have a couple of people I talk to. They're not therapists, but sometimes it helps to just get it out. I just don't want my son freaking out because of what he's going through, so I don't tell him things unless or until I have to.