I'm here and things have been difficult but I am still holding my own

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It has been a bit since I made an appearance, so I decided to stop in for a little bit. My life has been very difficult lately. It keeps going from bad to worse, but somehow I'm hanging in there and staying sane. I've been taking life a day at a time, and somehow that makes it seem a bit better. 2026 has so far been the worst year of my life. I can't predict the future, and I know there are worse days to come, but somehow I've been hanging on and living for the in between moments. Every day has the ability to be better. I am learning to take each moment as it comes and try not to stress about what I can't control. I'm back at work, which means I have less time to myself, which is not necessarily a bad thing. It keeps me from thinking about everything, and I am back to earning some money. For the past 5 school years, I had been working with the same group of kids. I was hoping I'd get to be with them for their last year of elementary, but the powers that be had other ideas. I was with the same kid from 1st through 4th grade, and I was with the same class from kindergarten to 4th grade. It was the hardest group in the entire school, but I kept holding out and learned to love the group, despite how difficult it was. I had hoped to be with them for their final year and see them out, but they moved me back to kindergarten. I had very mixed feelings about it. Last year I was so stressed with the behaviors of the 4th graders, and I was at my breaking point with them, but I loved the kid I was assigned to, and I loved the other kids despite their difficult behaviors, but it really was stressful. This year I'm starting from the beginning with littles again. So far it has been a lot easier than what I dealt with last year. I still miss my big kids, but the littles are cute and sweet, albeit chaotic; the big kids were also chaotic in a different way. Kindergarten is much more physically difficult because I'm constantly up and down and doing a lot of running that I didn't have to do with the big kids. I am taking kids on five million bathroom breaks a day, it seems like. There's more I have to do, and I stay busy. It's been interesting teaching kids how to be at school. We are working on lining up. It's been interesting. It is like herding cats. I loved working in kindergarten when the big kids were in kindergarten, but I was five years younger, which apparently makes a big difference, or so my body tells me. I've been very sore this week. The irony is that there is still a lot less crying in kindergarten than there was in 4th grade. We are still early in, so it'll be interesting to see how their personalities come out more. It has been nice not having to constantly break up fights and deal with extremely mean behavior. The kindergarteners are definitely squirly and struggle to sit still because they are so little, and I have a few kids that are going to give me a run for my money, but as a whole, they really haven't been that bad yet. I guess we will see what happens. I have learned that change isn't always a bad thing. I am also learning that I can't control everything, and that bad things do happen, and apparently to me they happen a lot, but that letting it take over my life and control every moment doesn't do any good. I have been finding joy in the small moments in between, like watching movies with my son or going for small drives with my husband just to get out for a moment. I know that tomorrow will probably be another challenging day, but I'm currently living for the good moments and dealing with the bad ones as they come. Sometimes I do feel helpless and like I have no control, and that's because I don't have control. Sometimes it's ok to not be ok. Sometimes I give myself grace to process things and to be a little out of control with my feelings, because life is hard for me right now, but I'm doing my best to not let the bad things win. I am trying to find a way in the chaos to find some light. I have not let depression or anxiety win yet, and while I know it's still a battle I'm fighting, I've been doing much better than I would have done a few years ago if this had happened then. I'm learning how to cope, and I think for now that's going to have to be enough. Mentally, I've been doing much better than I thought I would, and hopefully I can keep that up. I know as circumstances get harder and change, that may change, but for now, I'm putting up a pretty good fight.