just a little life update

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It's been another busy week at work. I have to say I'm actually really enjoying the kinders. I forgot how much I enjoy the littles. They are definitely chaos but there is so much less drama. They don't get mouthy with you like the older kids do and they love all of the adult attention. They get so excited when they see me. One of the them saw me walking by the cafeteria (there is an after school program some of them go to and they stay in the cafeteria for a little while after school until their parents get them) when I was leaving and got super excited and had to run out and yell bye to me. I forgot what that was like. The older kids can be fun but there is so much more drama and deliberate disrespect. I do miss a lot of my older kids but I don't miss the stress and exhaustion that came with them. I had a good relationship with a lot of them and they trusted me and I do miss that, but I just remember how mentally exhausted I was at the end of every single day. I don't have that so far this year. I get to come home and relax and not bring the stress of work home with me. I still miss my 5th grade buddy and I'm still a little sad that I don't get to see him through his final year of elementary school but I'm happy to be able to go to work and actually genuinely enjoy the kids most of the time. There are still a couple that give me a run for my money but it's nothing like the older kids. I've also been enjoying hanging out with my son. My son has enjoyed helping me in the kitchen here lately. He chops things for me and washes dishes and he sometimes will help make the bigger dinners. We then will watch TV or the last couple of days we have been play games on the switch together. We have been enjoying the cooler weather. the past couple of days. It's supposed to get hot again for a few days and then cool off again. My son and I enjoy walking together sometimes. Some of the teachers told me they thought it was sweet my son still enjoyed doing things with me because they never wanted to hang out with their moms at that age. I try not to take it for granted how much my kid actually likes me. We still spend time together and he seems to actually want to be around me. I love when he takes the time out of his day to come and hang out with me or just talk to me. It means more than I can say. I know I've raised a good kid and I'm super proud of him. My kid so far has been doing well in school. He doesn't love it but he works hard and gets good grades. He is super smart and kind. His teachers always have good things to say about him. He is starting to find more things he enjoys and he is the happiest I've seen him in a long time. He keeps telling me he's happy and after the crappy year I've had I'm so happy to hear he is happy. He told me he likes cooking with me. He says when it's not super hot in the kitchen he really enjoys it and he likes making things a bit easier on me. He knows I deal with a lot and he's always trying to take things off my shoulders when and where he can. I always make sure he knows how loved and appreciated he is. He is always trying to watch out for me even though I constantly tell him it's not his job. He is my favorite person to hang out with. My life is still difficult. There is still a lot going on, but I'm finding the good things in between. I'm enjoying the moments I can and trying not to live in the anxiety of things I can't control. My son is my light lately. He's the person that brings me the most joy and perspective and just seeing his smile makes every terrible thing seem worth it if I get to see him doing well even if it is just for the time being. I know things change and there are a lot of hard things coming our way that'll probably knock some of that light out of him, but for the time being I'm holding onto it. The hard stuff is really hard but I'm trying to find the good. I'm trying to remember that just because things are hard doesn't mean I can't find happiness in between.