Is this a right decision?

@fujiko (11)
Philippines
December 26, 2006 9:07pm CST
I am about to get married this year to my long-time boyfriend. We've been in a bf-gf relationship for more than a decade now. Last year, we were stormed with the biggest trial when I fell in love with a guy who is a total opposite of my boyfriend. I really love this guy who also showered me with pure love. He is also okay just like my boyfriend. He's very kind and is always there when I needed him. But the problem is, my boyfriend has already invested so much for me, emotionally and some financial support. So I decided to choose my long-time boyfriend and agreed on his wedding proposal. This is the hardest decision I made. I don't know if this is a right decision... all I know is, with this move, my family as well as my long-time boyfriend will be happy...
4 people like this
86 responses
• United States
27 Dec 06
well you have to be where your heart is.search deep inside and that is where you belong listen to your heart.you are the only one that truely knows where you heart is either with your long time boyfriend or this other guy.your the only one that knows the answer to this.i was always told to trust your heart though and then you will know if you made the right decision.
@fujiko (11)
• Philippines
28 Dec 06
Thank you. I will take a vacation and have time to think... Thank you, friend.
@sonam14 (141)
• India
28 Dec 06
yeah i guess you should think again coz this is really not a right decision to play with someone's feelings. but i would ask u to please imagine once that had this been happend to u that ur long time boyfriend would have fallen in love with other girl and then he would decide to leave you even after all that u have done for him..jz think once
@simplegal (123)
• Philippines
27 Dec 06
That is really hard. What did your other guy said? When you told her that your'e getting married? For me you should follow your heart. If you know where you can be happy go for it. Don't fool you fiance by marrying him and you don't love him. You might fool him even when you're already married and have kids. It's more complicated. So you better tell your fiance now maybe he can forgive you because loving someone else is not a sin it just happens even when you didn't expect it.
1 person likes this
@fujiko (11)
• Philippines
28 Dec 06
He said that he is happy for me knowing that my long-time boyfriend is a type of guy who is so serious when it comes to relationship. Honestly, I want him to fight for me, but I can see clearly on his face that he is giving me up. Maybe he doesn't love me that much. Maybe he is right.
@fujiko (11)
• Philippines
28 Dec 06
Thank you so much, Simple Gal. Your words truly helped me.
@pratew3y (1893)
• India
27 Dec 06
i am sorry to say that its very unfair on ur part to think abt someone else rather then your boy friend he is your bf since last decades and not even him your family is also ery happy with ur relationship so how come you thought of someone rather then him its really unfair on your part and i a sorry for you since i dont know whether you know the real meaning of true love or not. i might be wrong with my opinion but i feel that thinking of someone other tgen your bf is something wrong u did . sorry for that dear
@Matducks (130)
• Philippines
28 Dec 06
i agree.
@Matducks (130)
• Philippines
27 Dec 06
wht f u turn the table, wht f guy no.2 was ur boyfrnd mre thn ten years ago and then u knw guy no.1.will u also hve the same feeling u hve rght nw?. maybe it's just because of the situation u're in, that ur challenged and made u thnk ths is the against-all-odds thng. don't gamble.put urself in their shoes.it's u and God who knows the answer.
@Matducks (130)
• Philippines
27 Dec 06
don't "hurry" (f that's the rght term). f u hve a single doubt on marriage thn don't. i ddnt say leave him.just dnt get married yet if u're in doubt. don't marry in haste. maybe u guys need more thn a decade. tell this guy1 about wht u thnk, tell him about the other guy.sooner or later it will be a discussion between u two (whether u're married or not).
@Melizzy (1381)
• United States
27 Dec 06
Uh, hello! What about what will make you happy? If the other guy treats you as well as the guy you are going to marry, why not choose him? And how fair is it to the old boyfriend to marry him if you are in love with another? And what if you end up having children? Can you be happy for the rest of your life with this man? If so, then go ahead and marry him. If you have even a hesitation, then don't rush into marriage. And why after all this time is he ready to now get married? Is he just afraid of losing you?
• Philippines
27 Dec 06
yeah, i don't think it's possible to love two guys at the same time with the same intensity. don't rush things. marriage is not a game you can play over and over again.
• United States
28 Dec 06
of course it is possible to love two guys (or girls) at the same time! this is life, she must choose, and she cant wait forever for a husband right? The long time bf friend loves you the same as the other, you love them both. at least you know the long term guy will stay with you. The new guy may change his mind after he wins your heart, he is pouring out the love because he KNOWS you have another bf. Be thankful that the second guy came along, it forced the first guy to make a decision to either marry you or give you up.. he chose to ask you to marry. That is why he is ready now after all this time. Marriage is more than about just romantic love... it is about endurance, financial support, hardtimes, it is about loyalty and building a future. It's easy to fall in love WITH ANOTHER it is harder to sustain it, the first guy has sustained love for you. your choice.
@fujiko (11)
• Philippines
28 Dec 06
Thank you very much. Now, I realize how lucky I am to join in MyLot, because your pieces of advice really help me to assess myself and the decisions I make. Thanks.
• United States
27 Dec 06
this is a really hard decision but i would put the wedding off b.c u are in love with two men and you dont want to break either one of their hearts
@fujiko (11)
• Philippines
28 Dec 06
Thank you.
• United States
27 Dec 06
I agree about putting the wedding off. I also think you should not see either one of them for a while in order to take the time to really listen to your heart.
• India
28 Dec 06
All the best, pls be faithful to your husband, I am sure he loves you, else he wouldnt marry you after so many years. Love is better than a temporary infatuation.
@padhukr (2267)
• India
29 Dec 06
it is right decision.
• Bangladesh
28 Dec 06
yes
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
29 Dec 06
did you actually fell in love with this new guy, or was just happy about the new attention you are getting? you could be wrong about him either. and why will you give up someone whom you shared years with for a new one you hardly know.
@nicelyrom (521)
• Philippines
28 Dec 06
hayyy... this is a tough one! I have something to share: "Why repeat the old errors, if there are so many new errors to commit?" -Bertrand Russel
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
29 Dec 06
You shouldn't settle with your boyfriend only because he has invested so much on you. It's his choice. You shouldn't choose him for that reason alone. Love should be the only reason to marry. Now, if you think that you can do that sacrifice for your family and your boyfriend, then it's all up to you. But always remember that each decision has consequences.
• India
28 Dec 06
in my opinion your decision is write.your second boyfriend give you every thing emotionally but not support you finacially, on the other hand your husband is doing every thing for you emotionally and finacally.you do wrong when you choose another man.what this time you doing well keep it up.wish you have a happy married life.
@Kaizun (21)
• United States
27 Dec 06
you know what this reminds me of? The movie "House of flying daggers"
@fujiko (11)
• Philippines
28 Dec 06
You catch my attention, my friend. I will be looking for a copy of "House of Flying Daggers" when I visit a video shop. Hope it is still available. Thanks for dropping by. Thank you and God bless.
@sunrisekn (1466)
• United States
28 Dec 06
What do you really want? Who cares about what your family wants or your long term boyfriend. It's your decision. You're the one that has to live with this man. Make sure it's what you really want. What is going to make you happy? the old boyfriend or the new boyfriend? regardless of how time and money the old boyfriend has invested in you, YOU need to be happy.
@GardenGerty (157050)
• United States
28 Dec 06
I think you need to postpone the wedding for awhile, and spend some time really looking at your feelings for both of these young men. You started dating the one as a teenager, and now you are grown up. The first guy that is interested enough to get your attention is not necessarily the right one either. Go have a normal, free to choose, free to date, life for awhile before you settle down. Figure out who you love and want to support with your affection.
@limosonia1 (1559)
• United States
28 Dec 06
It sounds like you aren't sure what you want and should not enter into marriage unless you know for sure that your heart is only his and no one elses. You should sit back and think about your decision. Marriage is a very big step that should be done because of pure love and commitment not because your boyfriend has invested the most money or time. It would not be fair to him to have a marraige end because you are still in love with this other man. Choose wisely, Good luck
• United States
28 Dec 06
i think alot of times we become comfortable with what we know and are afraid to get out of that zone. if you have been with your fiance for a long time, you are probably in this zone. you say you "love" the other guy, but if you did then you would not be in this situation. before things get too tough and out of control, you really need to do some self exploration. you need to make the decision based on what you want and how you feel. dont think about your parents and the guys, but you!!! you dont want 10 years to pass by, you having "what might have been" thoughts running through your head, and living an unhappy life. take time for you... dont rush into everything. if your fiance loves you he will understand.
@MzLefty (311)
• United States
28 Dec 06
sounds like to me that you are playing with fire,if you had to make a choice,between the two guys,that meant that you were seeing them both,so my question is this? does either guy know that you were seeing the other guy? if you do marry this guy can he trust you to stay with him? because it sounds as though you are not marrying out of love,you are marrying out of obligation.you need to take some serious time before you get married.make sure you are marrying the man that you really want to spend the rest of your life with.it will be unfair to marry one guy,while asking yourself if you made the right choice.give it more time,and so very serious thought.
• United States
28 Dec 06
Wow, that is a hard decision for sure. You said you have have been with your boyfriend for along time now. To give such a large amount of time to someone deserves some sort of consideration. New relationships shadow the reality of what love really is. Meeting a guy for the first time makes you think its love, when it might not realy be that. You have invested so much time with your long time boyfriend, but dont jump into a marriage if its not something you really want. Sit down and draw up your pros and cons of what it can be. If you marry him will you truly be happy? The thing about marriage is, its easy to jump into, but its very very emotional and stressful to jump out of. Be sure that your love for him is there, and your love that you think you feel for the other guy doesnt ruin it, because if you love the other guy, you need to make up your mind on the consideration of which would make you the happiest. Good luck.