Inner Struggle
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
United States
January 3, 2007 5:26pm CST
Today was difficult for me. A few days ago I visited our local job service and got a referral for a job. It is a State job, pays well, and has great benefits. It took me little time to fill out the application. I could have taken the application to the employer yesterday. I could have taken it this morning as well. The longer I waited, the more I convinced myself that the job was not right for me. I used every excuse in the book not to apply.
There were some errands that I needed to run this afternoon. After styling my hair to look its best (even though I really need an appointment to have it trimmed)and making sure I was presentable, I headed out. Hubby told me once again that I should drop off the application for the job. I advised him that I had it in my pocketbook should I find courage enough to drop it off.
On the drive down I had a heart to heart with God. I do not pray for myself. I believe it is selfish. Today I prayed for strength for myself, to be the confindent person that I know I am, to not let the darkness burden me. I felt a glimmer of sunshine as I turned into the drive of the State building that I am applying for a job.
As I parked the car and turned off the ingnition, I took a deep breath. I allowed myself the pleasure of listening to the end of the song that was playing on the CD. One more check in the mirror to make sure I was still presentable, fluffed my hair, checked my teeth (don't want a flaw in the smile!). Another deep breath and I was ready.
I tossed my pocketbook over my left shoulder and opened the flap to put the car keys inside. As I approached the entrance, I saw a familiar face. It was my cousin, Kevin, whom I hadn't seen in a couple of years. He too had fallen on hard times and was applying for a job too. We gave each other a hug and chatted while we ventured into the building. He went first. The receptionist explained that they didn't have any openings in his field, but they would keep his application on file. Kev gave me another hug and we said our farewells.
With a smile, I handed my application to the receptionist and said that I too was applying for a job, but it wasn't in the same field as Kev. She chuckled as she took the application from my hand. She looked up at me and said she asked if I had been there before. I looked familiar to her. In fact I had been there several times doing work for my former employer. We laughed as I reminded her that I was the one that always asked for directions and always got lost. We chatted along as she noted on the application the date and time it was received. She told me that she would run the application upstairs to the Human Resources director. Bidding her a good day, I turned and left the building.
I questioned myself as to why I led myself believe that I couldn't walk through that door and drop off an application. I had been in that business numerous times and interacted well with all of the staff while I was there.
When the second door opened I was greeted with the warmth of the air. The sun was shining brightly. There were gulls flying in the sky. I took it as a sign. Darkness may come over us, but reach out and the sun will shine.
16 people like this
36 responses
@caramello (4377)
• Australia
4 Jan 07
Some things don't always come so easy but you worked through it and all went well for you and that is what matters. You should be proud of yourself and at the same time have a chuckle at all the "second thoughts" you had before handing in that piece of important paper. Well done ElusiveButterfly and I wish you great success.
@toonatoons (3737)
• Philippines
4 Jan 07
indeed, it's never easy applying for a new job. i remember dilly-dallying myself because i felt i would be rejected. but i had to turn in my application or else i'd be out in the streets begging, and boy! wasn't i glad i turned it in when i had to! the heavens were smiling at me then, a week later, i got an interview for that job, and here i am now, enjoying myself, doing the things i love to do --- writing!
i rated you caramello!
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
4 Jan 07
Thank you very much. I appreciate your support.
1 person likes this
@gifana (4833)
• Portugal
4 Jan 07
As Maria said in The Sound of Music, When God closes a door he opens a window somewhere. I believe that. Perhaps that's why I am so optimistic. So many times in our lives we lose courage for some reason or other. Procrastination is such an easy rut to get in. But when we least expect it, as you said, the sun shines and things straignten themselves out.
Over the weekend I went to an ATM to withdraw money. I made a mistake and instead of hitting the correct I hit the annul. Thinking that it was cancelled I walked next door to another bank and again entered info to withdraw. When the transaction was finished I got the balance which was €20 (c. $27) not thinking about the €20 I tried to get from the previous bank. As I walked by the 1st ATM I noticed there was a stub there. I looked at it and it was mine and the transaction had gone through. However, the money was not in the slot. I thought, well there goes another €20 down the drain and gave it no further thought. Today I was at the 1st ATM to make another withdrawal and had forgotten what had happened. That is until the bank door opened and one of the employees who is a friend of mine was there. I called out and asked, "by any chance did the bank have a €20 overage in the ATM outside the day before?". She answered in the affirmative but that it was either Saturday or Sunday. I said it was mine. She said, "come in tomorrow and put in a claim and it will be returned to you". Imagine the whole thing had slipped my mind until I saw her after the bank was closed.
It just added to my belief that some things happen for a reason and not my happen chance.
I sure hope you get the job and the signs sure point in that direction.
2 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
4 Jan 07
It would be lovely if I did get the job Gif. I know that it would be a good fit for me.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157650)
• United States
4 Jan 07
It could be that the day you went was the day that the person who remembered you would be working. That was when you were supposed to take that application in. We are often told to trust our gut instinct, that there is a lot of information we are not conscious of that we act on. I also believe that you may have been sent at a time to provide a good word to your cousin. You have also brought out your own message in your experience. Good luck.
@BittyBiddy (2903)
• Ireland
3 Jan 07
You write very well. Maybe you should write a book if you haven't done so already.
Good luck with the job.
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
4 Jan 07
Thank you for your comments. I appreciate your kind words.
2 people like this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
4 Jan 07
Well, I'm am so glad that you got the courage up to take the application in. It is always a situation that we all would like to avoid.
Knowing people there may help you. I really hope you get the job. It will be worth the forcing yourself to do it, if you do.
Good luck with the job hunting and hope to hear it is over soon. Keep your faith.
2 people like this
@aidansmom25 (20)
• United States
4 Jan 07
I wish you the best on your job application. I know it's difficult to get up the courage to face a possible new employer.
@Centregeek (500)
• United States
4 Jan 07
I'm so glad you found your courage. It sounds like you are already well liked at the place of business and will most likely be hired. Good luck! As for your inner struggle, I think that it is easy to begin to dought ourselves and to struggle with our self-confidence at times. We all have dreams and goals in life and there are times when others challenge us for being willing to pursue them or wanting to go for something that is bigger than we are used to going for. A new job is always exciting, but we can also question our abilities to do the work required. If you have worked with these people before and always had a good relationship with them, they will be willing to help you out once you are hired for the position. You also have skills that you will bring to the job and you can build on those skills. No one goes into every job they take and knows all about it; you learn as you go. Have faith in you self and you abilities. Also, you prayed about this and found yourself walking into the building with a familar face. Sounds like you have support from a higher power as well.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
8 Jan 07
I believe you are right Gia. I have been unemployed for such a long time now. Sometimes I feel that I am not capable of the jobs that I apply for.
@katprice (806)
• United States
4 Jan 07
That's right! Don't dwell on the negative because then you'll attract more negative energy to yourself. Read the things written by Florence Scovel-Shinn at http://www.conures.net/shinn/shinn.shtml as she was very knowledgeable about this and her insights are very eye-opening.
1 person likes this
@aquariancore (608)
• United States
4 Jan 07
You are showing strong signs of depression. Seek counseling and don't let someone load you down with meds without a physical including bloodwood. You may actually be experience a hormone imbalance. Be safe, check it out.
1 person likes this
@rakrodnahc (38)
• India
5 Jan 07
that was indeed a nice article. i know inner struggle is one of the most difficult struggle in antyones life. if one has the capacity to win that struggle in a very very irrational way..then it is like he has attained MOKSHA. same was the case with me in my current JOB. i was constanly under depression as i was not performing well.. i felt that maybe i am into something whee i shudn be..my interestss were something else..butt then that struggle part started in my mind..as to which option shud i opt for when it comes to job and my liking...this was the struggle i was battling for the past 1 year and finally i managed to come out of it clean..it was th best phase in my life where i got to learn many things..i came to know how people react to ur situatuions..how people are when u r in trouble..it taught me some of the most important lessons in life..
1 person likes this
@Hailor (16)
•
4 Jan 07
I really enjoyed reading this piece, and felt as though i could relate.
As great as the human mind is, it sometimes can be a real drag, just the thought of waking up in the morning and carrying out the day seems like such a burden. But when the day is past and you look back, it wasnt all to bad, and thats the only thing I could think about whilst reading this wonderfully written piece. I think it might have inspired me to stop my negativitity and take things as they come, rather than turning up my nose and always dreading the worst.
Good luck with the job, any firm would be a fool to turn away someone that can write so gracefully as yourself
Thanks
1 person likes this
@peaceful (3294)
• United States
4 Jan 07
"Pointing your feet in the direction you want to go and actually taking the first step can be the most challenging thing a human being could ever attempt..."
The above quote is from my book-in-progress called " A Peaceful Guide To Prosperity"
My compliments and best wishes to you, Elusive!
Keep a journal and one day you'll be claiming a Pulitzer! :)
1 person likes this
@sanjaypatel250174 (250)
• India
4 Jan 07
You write very well.You must explore ur writing skills.All the best for ur new job.
1 person likes this
@Perry2007 (2229)
• Philippines
4 Jan 07
What were you affraid of, the job? the thought of you having to work, Looking for a job, or the state that you are in between jobs. In life, this is a normal couse, this is the time to be courageous and gather all the self confidence in you, Good thing you made it. Good Luck, Please do not feel so bad about yourself, it will show in the interview. Good Bless
