Did your parents screw you up in the head?

United States
January 9, 2007 4:28pm CST
I do things in life and then I think "My parents made me that way." I don't use this as a crutch and I often try to change these behaviors, but it is obvious where the root of the problem started. I'm not saying in any way that my parents were bad parents. I'm just saying that they also passed on a few of their less desireable traits to me. I worry that there is no way to ever break this pattern.
7 people like this
36 responses
@tigrashadow (1086)
• Australia
9 Jan 07
the way my mum brought me up was the way she believed to be right. i know i have issues from my upbringing that i wont go into here but at the same time i dont hate her or blame her for it in that i know she did her best...its just a fact that different problems and issues stem from that... the only way you can stop this is to try not to do what they did...or if you are afraid of doing that..maybe talk to a therapist about it to try and break the cycle.....depending on the issue of course..
2 people like this
@ae2324 (84)
• United States
10 Jan 07
My thoughts exactly. Your parents have no intention to hurt you. They only want the better.
1 person likes this
• Ghana
10 Jan 07
I agree with you.
1 person likes this
@ahsan15 (334)
• India
10 Jan 07
even i agree...but they should let us live our life in our own way....!!!
@natuser28 (907)
• United States
9 Jan 07
Its sad but true. We have not choice when picking parents; Parents choose us. That goes for the same as teachings and everything else. When we grow up, we have the change to change that habit of what we were raised to think a certain way. Even then, we don't get rid of all the bad or good habits our parents breaded in us. But we still can come out as individuals.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Jan 07
I agree with almost everything you said. Everything except how you said that our parents choose us. That is sooooo not true. Yes, I just used the over dramatic soooo in my post. lol Parents don't get to pick out their kids. they just get what is handed to them.
3 people like this
• United States
11 Jan 07
Ahhh.. Our parents made the decision to have us, therefore we don't have a say so until we are adults to become individuals. You wouldn't be here unless you weren't procreated by your parents. Kids go where ever there guardian go, be a biologial parent(s) or foster parents.
@anjuscor (1266)
• India
10 Jan 07
Each and every parents will scold their kids and screw their head up for doing mistakes. But i dont think that is wrong. My parents have beaten me and hurt me so many times with their words. But now i am a good working lady with high pay and higher position. Now i always think what my dad said. My dad is proud of me. The way he screwed me up, i grew little by little. When someone scolds you about the mistake that you did, think they are trying to help you to not to do the same mistake again. If someone encourages, think they ar destroying you.
2 people like this
@Pekachu (1114)
• United States
10 Jan 07
i disagree with that you have stired emotions in me i cant even put them into words
1 person likes this
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
10 Jan 07
That is a good observation. Everyone you came into contact with when you were younger, helped in conditioning you. They likely had no idea what they were doing. They got the same conditioning from their parents and passed it to you. It is good to be aware of this handed-down behavior. If you are aware of it, you can then accept it or reject it. Everyone goes through much the same process. Except, that some are given great examples and ideas that help them later in life. Your conditioning and mine is all part of the "herd mentality" where thinkng is mostly alike. Be determined to think for yourself and form your own opinions and ideas. With time, you can adopt a new set of "learnings" that will shape your life into what you want it to be.
2 people like this
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
10 Jan 07
Thanks for the rating.
1 person likes this
@silkkat (231)
• Canada
9 Jan 07
I think that everyone causes some kind of distress to their children. Yes, some worse than others. I didn't have the best childhood but I never use it as an excuse I just try and do better for my children. I know that I have made mistakes with them but hopefully they will learn from it just as I did. I know someone who blames their problems on their childhood and it makes me mad. Break the cycle!! There is always a way to break the pattern. Just be concious of how you are and what you do and try and do the right thing.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Jan 07
I like your response. Break the cycle is a good way to look at it.
2 people like this
@serene2 (279)
• New Zealand
10 Jan 07
So you picked up some not so desirable things from your parents, but don't make excuses for yourself not to change. You do have a choice, you can keep doing what you blame your parents for, or, you can make a change. The choice is yours. We all have choices. I picked up some not so desirable things from my parents, but I also picked up some good one too.
2 people like this
@shywolf (4520)
• United States
10 Jan 07
Ugh, yes. I think that my mother instilled a low sense of self-worth in me because most of the time she doesn't have anything truly positive to say about anything that I do. Don't get me wrong, she's done a lot for me and I love her. But I do feel like she has helped to cause some of my major insecurities *laugh*
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jan 07
I know what you mean. My parents did the same thing without really knowing it. Words are very powerful things. Amazing how I still remember something mean my Dad said to me when I was in kindergarten.
1 person likes this
• Australia
10 Jan 07
I beleive that parents are responsible for the behaviour of their children, however, at a certain age you know what is right and what is wrong....your know what is proper and what is improper...if you know that these traits are less desirable... break the pattern....you are your own person if these traits concern you in this way...what does it tell you ?
@ashmin (175)
• United States
10 Jan 07
I honestly believe that it helped me in a way. If my parents didnt do anything I would be very messed up. I would probably have not gotten all A's for every adn they helped me realize things that I dont think i could find on my own. There is also another way to look at it. I did get mad when they just did not see things my way. That happens with everyone and I totally understand that. I don't know what I would do with my kids...I dont have any and I dont plan to have any, anytime soon. Starting college has been a new experience for me as a person and without the values and habits my parents taught me I believe i owuld have failed.
1 person likes this
@lizabeth (666)
• United States
10 Jan 07
My mom was a single parent and even though we didn't always have what we wanted we did have what we needed. I know she did the best she could in raising us and I don't think she screwed me up. I do know people who think their parents screwed them up in the head and the sad thing is they actually use it as an excuse to not do the right things. I understand its hard to get over things that may have happened to you but its better to let go of it and live the life that can be better.
1 person likes this
• Serbia And Montenegro
10 Jan 07
revenge !!!
@AndreaM76 (1164)
• United States
10 Jan 07
Are we related? J/k. ym parents' were so strict and untrusting or so it seemed. I want to be more liberal with my kids but right now I'm making my son misreable because he is testing me so much lately. I've turned into my parents compact into one!
@Duvessa (913)
• United States
10 Jan 07
Hmmm interesting topic. I wouldn't say that my parents screwed me up, I'd blame that on society & some of my past romantic relationships! :P But yeah, I most certainly got my dads bad temper & I got my moms kindness & the lovely soft heart & being way to trusting.
@crystal8577 (1469)
• United States
10 Jan 07
I think once you have grown up & moved out it is time to decide how you want to live your life. Yes, I do have some issues with how I was raised. I do not think that continuing to blame my parents is the way to go. I know for the most part they did what they felt was best & it is hard to find fault in that. You have to decide how you want to live your life. Figure out how you want to riase any children that you may have. It can be hard to break the pattern of your childhood but it can be done.
@sharon613 (2323)
• United States
10 Jan 07
Til this day I blame them for messing with my head.
@JoyfulOne (6242)
• United States
10 Jan 07
I've never really thought of it as being screwed up in the head, but I do think the way our parents raised us sticks with us until we think things out for ourselves. My Dad was a worryier, and he passed along that trait to me. It took me many years to figure out that worrying was counter productive and did nothing to ease whatever problem there was. There's lots of other examples from childhood, but when we become adults we tend to look at things through different eyes and break that pattern if we choose to do so. We may have been raised with some strange ideas, methods, and issues, but only we can decide whether they're worth listening to in our hearts.
• India
10 Jan 07
fhgfdutjtriutjnchjfghkfkh
@lpetges (3036)
• United States
10 Jan 07
I think your born with some things. your parents affect on you depends on the way you handle things. There is no such thing as perfect parents. i've seen really bad kids come from great parents, and good kids come from bad parents. unless your cooped up 24-7 in the mountains and never leave your parents, you cannot blame them for anything. They gave you life, and in the animal world-thats all you get--anything after that is icing on the cake!!!
• United States
10 Jan 07
I am lucky because my childhood should have... but didn't. My mother left when I was five years old, some time later they got divorced. My father hired a distant family member as a housekeeper who happened to hate girls. She starved me (I was later hospitalized for malnutrition), fed my brother who she adored, but I was too scared to tell my father (who was a lush) because he wouldn't believe me (and the housekeeper slept with him). To this day she is the only human being I have ever totally hated. To make a long story short my brother has always said that it is a miracle I am not more twisted that I am.
@joanna07 (111)
• Ireland
10 Jan 07
My Parents still pay a large role in my life as I live at home with them, so I am influenced still by their opinions, habits and ways of doing things around the house which may or may not be good thing. If it bad habits that I pick up I know that is not a good thing. I try to stick to good habits though. You can always change and control your habits by thinking of new ways of doing things or training your self to forget the old ways. My parents have definitly made me who I am today and I think they brought me up well. Thanks to them. Have a nice day!