would you feel ashamed if your child is autistic?

Philippines
January 30, 2007 5:53am CST
what if you had a child and he/she is autistic? what would you do?
3 people like this
18 responses
@clownfish (3276)
• United States
30 Jan 07
Hi! I have a daughter who is autistic and I would NEVER be ashamed of her. Only a total moron would be ashamed of their child for having a disability! I love her for the person she is - disability and all! Anyone who would do less does not deserve one of these special, wonderful children!
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
yes, these children should be loved and taken care of. they are special and blessings from the up above.
1 person likes this
@sylviekitty (2083)
• United States
30 Jan 07
My son has Autism, and no, I'm not ashamed of him. I am not thrilled at having to deal with his temper tantrums in public, but it can't be helped and it is something I just have to deal with. But no, I'm not ashamed of him. He's my son.
3 people like this
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
great then, keep it up!(",)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Jan 07
If i have a child who is autistic,i would accept him.at first any normal beings reaction would be to ask why it happened to my child.out of all the children born everyday,why my child..But after awhile you learn to accept it..what i will do is find ways to make my child comfortable inside the house.and then find ways for him to live a normal life outside the house..i will read and try to find out more about his condition so that im aware of things that might happen if one has an autistic child.
• Philippines
31 Jan 07
that's a good idea. autistic children shouldn't feel that they are different from others. they only have a hard time to catch up everything so easily on what's going on around his/her environment. but still, they can have great contributions to our society. there are many autistic children who are really intelligent. parents must have been proud of them. (",)
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Jan 07
I do have a child who has autism. When she was first diagnosed, I went through a couple of days of "poor me" attitudes, thinking that autism made her less than perfect and somehow, it was my fault that I made this "faulty" human being, that she was a reflection of me and my abilities, worth, etc. My husband, by contrast, did not seem concerned at all. We were arguing one night it, and I said, "It's like you don't even care!" And he said to me, "And maybe you care too much!" I didn't know what to say, but after I thought about it, I decided he was right. It doesn't matter if she has autism or not, she's my daughter and I love her and I am proud of all she has accomplished and will continue to achieve. I have never hid the fact that she has autism or apologized for it since. I think most parents of disabled children do go through a period of mourning the loss of the child they imagined they would have, but once you learn to appreciate the one you've got, you love them as much and are as proud of them as you are your non-autistic children.
2 people like this
• United States
30 Jan 07
Wow. You and your husband are the exact opposite of my husband and I. LOL I think both of us suspected Autism for some time, but the night we got the diagnosis, (because we'd previously discussed if he WAS to be diagnosed with Autism), I downplayed it FOR HIS SAKE. He was the one who'd be most eager for a second opinion, he'd be the one to say "not my son!", etc.. so of course he got upset and thought I didn't care. And actually accused me of being HAPPY that our son had Autism!! But he sat there that night and cried. He felt that somehow he was to blame. I think now, he's finally accepting the diagnosis- for the most part, anyway.
3 people like this
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
i agree with you, they should be treated equally like the normal children so that will develop as a person and be guided as well.
1 person likes this
• Canada
11 Feb 07
I suspected my son may have autism at a year old when he would often and repeatedly bang his head off of the floor. He was delayed at nine months when I still had to prop him up with pillows. He was standing at his first birthday but would hang onto something with one hand. He was not walking at this time however and we bought him one of those walkers for his birthday with all the knobs and lights on it. It was still a few months before he actually walked and I knew he was delayed but no doctor would listen to me! James had had feeding issues since day one but no one was connecting the dots... "He was just going to grow out of it" they told me and it was a long hard fight before I finally got refferred to a specialist who actually diagnosed him at two years and four months. Even after all this I cried when we were given the diagnosis and there was some denial for awhile because I wanted to be wrong. I walked around in a fog yet made all the phone calls to get him on every waitlist I could find. My husband was the strong one who told me everything would be alright and our son would be O.K. You do go through a time of mourning so to speak but you move on because they need you and you love them. They are still your children and they are worth fighting for and all the work you put in. Mine was said to be severe and now just over a year past diagnosis he is starting to use three word sentences and there are few tantrums. He listens and cleans up his toys when asked. He is very smart. At 3 1/2 he can count to twenty and sings the "clean-up song" and "Twinkle Twinkle little star". Not all his words are clear but we are working on it and there is an overall huge improvement! We have celebrated every little victory including drinking from a straw and saying "More cookie". Things other parents take for granted we celebrate because it is so huge and monumental. I feel blessed to have my son because he has taught me so much including to love life and be happy. He is happy ALL the time! He embraces life with passion and I love him for it because when he started life he tried to starve himself and I had to fight for his life then. Now he is my joy!:)
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
I am a special education teacher. I understand how parents of special children feel. It is not really easy to accept a child with disability. Parent will likely go through stages of negative feelings such as anger, guilt, denial, compromise and depression, before acceptance become possible. A special child is indeed a child. He is unique, special. Let this "specialness" be his strength and not a weakness. Parents should be proud that they were chosen to care for them 'cause God knows they can. Understanding and loving the child unconditionally will help them grow and reach their full potential. I would like to share what my college professor love saying about special children: "If a special child is given all the love he needs, he will be smiling, hugging and responding positively all the more.. If given all the trust he needs, he will be believing in himself all the more.. If given all the opportunities he needs, he will be growing in skills and values all the more.. It is only when a special child is loved, trusted and given all the opportunities to grow that he becomes very much a part of living." :)
@clownfish (3276)
• United States
2 Feb 07
Hi! I just wanted to say that what you wrote is very true and very moving. Thanks! :-)
2 people like this
• Canada
31 Jan 07
Regardless of the child's challenges, I'd do my best to get the child the help s/he needs. I have challenges, a physical challenge that affects mobility, and I am legally blind. My parents weren't ashamed of me, and got me the help I needed, and now I am successful in my life. Why would anyone be ashamed of a child with a challenge? It's beyond me. No I would not be ashamed if my child was autistic.
2 people like this
• Philippines
10 Feb 07
yeah, being ashamed wouldn't change anything. instead, ypu have to move on and accept everything and do the right thing.
@jolala (70)
• United States
31 Jan 07
I also have a son with autism and I'm far from ashamed of him! He is a very intelligent boy and brings a unique perspective to life. Like the previous poster I'm not thrilled with the tantrums but it's part of life for us. We encourage him to be himself and encourage his strengths. Just like other people have their own strengths and weaknesses - so does he.
2 people like this
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
nice to hear that most of you guys are good parents and really know your responsibilities.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 07
i am autistic. many of us can be very gifted, so autism isn't the end of the road. you find the right care, you may find it's only a beginning. true, i didn't start talking really until 8. however, i graduated early from highschool and got an aa degree from a jr college.
1 person likes this
@bulutoy2k (176)
• Philippines
6 Feb 07
Why should we ashamed if a child is autistic? It is a gift from God. Every child has the right to live and be nurtured with love. An equal treatment to other children should also be experienced by an autistic child. If so happened that I have an autistic child I will proudly present him to other family members and friends. I will not hide him from other people. I will enroll with to an institution that would provide him basic education.
@Swinghi (53)
• United States
6 Feb 07
I am not ashamed. What I am ashamed of is the way I treat him sometimes when I am upset at his behavior. I know it isn't always his fault but sometimes I lose my cool. He is a good kid and I love him a lot, I just hope I can become a better dad to support him
1 person likes this
@mobyfriend (1019)
• Netherlands
2 Feb 07
I have an autistic child and I never felt ashamed of him. Instead I try everything in my power to make his life worth while. Every child is precious.
1 person likes this
@Mulpsy (24)
• New Zealand
2 Feb 07
I have a son that has autism. I would never feel ashamed of him. I have no reason to - what is normal? Occasionally he can embaress us when we go out, but its all part of his condition so we dont worry too much about it. He is what he is, nothing I can do about it. I made a site about him at http://autism.cashhosters.com/_sgg/f10000.htm
1 person likes this
@jaredlp (418)
• United States
2 Feb 07
I read the earlier post about the parents going through the cycle of feelings and i totally agree. I see it all the time as a I work in a assisted living home. I also read as many used the words special and normal and such, and couldnt help but wanting to ask the question would you use the same words when discribing some one that doesnt have the ablity to spell well, to draw plans on building a house, draw a picture period. How many reading this are able to solve algerbric equations without useing a calculater (i know i didnt spell that right). I guess my piont is we all have special ablities and that is what makes us normal. We as a society need to stop puting the labels on people that have visible differances and remember they (the finger pointer) is special in some way too, and would they like it if everyone labeled them by that disablity. In reply to the question of would i be ashamed no, no i would just be another proud parent.
1 person likes this
@hazydazy (783)
• United States
2 Feb 07
Absolutely not!! People need to stop staring and learn more about the world and those who inhabit it. There are all kinds of things out there that people do not understand and are not willing to learn about. If they would stop staring and pointing at those who are different, it would be a lot better world.
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Feb 07
I have a son with Autism, and no I am not ashamed of him. I actually feel very proud of him for trying as hard as he does just to get through an average day. Life is a real challenge for him, and he really does well. He is a lesson in perserverence and strength.
• United States
20 Feb 07
I find the question to be quite insulting - to use the word ashamed in the same breath as saying you have a child with autism. Why was this question posted? Do you have a child or just curious to learn more from parents of kids with autism? The question was offputting and then your responses to the questions are the opposite, so what gives?
@albert2412 (1782)
• United States
11 Feb 07
I am not ashamed of my autistic child. I love him very much and am trying to get him well. He is better, but nit well yet.
• United States
7 Feb 07
I have a child who is autistic. No, I don't feel ashamed about it. Its nothing to be ashamed of. He is an amazing little boy and the light of my life.