Would you do this to your kid?

@soccermom (3198)
United States
February 19, 2007 4:27pm CST
We have friends that have an 18 year old daughter. She's a decent kid and they have always set standards very high for her. When she turned 18 they made it clear to her that as long as she lived under their roof she would abide by their rules. That means coming home at night or calling to say where she is. Well, she didn't come home one night and her dad stayed home from work the next day to wait for her, worried out of his mind. She came rolling in the door at 3pm, he asked her where she was and she told him she stayed the night at some guys house. He was furious at her, packed her a bag and drove over to this guys house, knocked on the door and asked him if she was there all night. the guy said yes, and he said "well, she's your problem now" and left her there! He won't talk to her when she calls and she only comes over to her parents when her dad is gone. I think this is a little drastic, after all she is 18. he says rules are rules and she knew the consequences. Would you do this to your daughter?
30 people like this
103 responses
• United States
19 Feb 07
Wow. That's lame. I'm eighteen and I still live at home. My parents don't really have "rules" for me. I'm not that much of a rebel. But whenever I do go somewhere, I call my mom to let her know where I'm at. I'd actually like her to know in case there's an emergency and she needs to know where I am. But I know she could never pack my bags and drop me at some guy's house.
11 people like this
@xXmeganxX (4421)
19 Feb 07
no i wouldn't if she was 18, after all they to can make descisions and rules as there adults! i think the dad was overreacting a bit, i understand why he was worried because for all he knew something could of happened to her if she didn't even cal them or anything! i don't think that was aceptable either the way he packed her bag and left her at that guy's house, but then again he has strict rules, nobody can do anything about that and the young girl knew what her father is like! i feel sorry in a way for her tho, i wouldn't have rules like that, id give her another chance if i were the father!
10 people like this
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
19 Feb 07
I think it's terrible. His wife became a mom and 13 and I think that's freaking him out now that his daughter is older. Like if he doesn't see her she can't disappoint him. I hope he grows up and deals with it.
5 people like this
• Romania
20 Feb 07
i'm sorry to say that but he won't change.because he didn't change until now.and the fact that he is freaked out because his daughter is older than his wife was when she gave birth to a child is totally irrelevant. then why did he accept that in the first place?why did he accept that way of living? now it's too late for regrets or something like that...i have a friend who's father is just like this.she is 19 now and she is still under his domination.just imagine:she is not allowed to go out at her age!that's outrageous!
• United States
19 Feb 07
I'm not sure if I would have went that far. I mean he could have given her another chance. My middle sister is 25 and still lives and home. My parents expect her to abide by their rules too..I think that's fair because she doesn't pay any rent (and she has a very well paying job). But I don't think that my parents would ever kick her out though..
6 people like this
• United States
19 Feb 07
Oh my gosh thats a little tense. I wouldn't do that to my kid if I did have kids. If he really cared for her by puting such high sandards for her, then he wouldn't have done something like that. it sounds to me like he disowned her. I don't see how the mom of that family would allow that to happen either. I don't think thats is the best way of punishment.
8 people like this
@Joey322 (272)
• United States
20 Feb 07
yesh, that was something that was going through my mind, too. what about mom? my dad may have WANTED to do something like this to the teenaged me, when i was 18, but he KNEW my mom would have kicked his butt for it! gosh, this is a sad situation.
1 person likes this
@kelly60 (4547)
• United States
19 Feb 07
I can understand where this guy is coming from. Rules are there for a reason, and if she knew the rules she should have enough respect for her parents not to break the rules. On the other hand, I could not do this to my child no matter what the age.
6 people like this
• United States
20 Feb 07
The way that I am understanding it is that this man has something to prove and dammit, he's going to prove it. I am curious to know if he is retired military, maybe a cop/paramilitary, or something along that line. Either that or maybe he is some public figure whose very reputation relies on his being a hard-a$$. He WILL pay for this. This is horrible. If he was having trouble feeling like a man the last person he needed to take it out on is his kid. Especially since she has always been a good kid. I still think he wanted her out of the house. This all or none crap makes me NUTTY
@kelly60 (4547)
• United States
19 Feb 07
Oops, I pushed the button too soon. I have also been in the daughter's place and made a few mistakes when I was younger. I am glad that I did not have a father like this. Although my parents made it clear that they didn't approve of some of the things I did, they would never have done this to me either. I don't think it is right that any parent would, without at least giving her some warning.
5 people like this
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
19 Feb 07
My mom always used to say "I love you, but I don't like you right now." and would still be supportive.
3 people like this
@Sasselle (698)
• Australia
19 Feb 07
No I wouldn't - especially as by the sounds of this it's only the first time she'd done it. I can slightly understand if it was a constant thing ... but this is ridiculous. Personally i think the dad has the problem - i don't see how you can just throw away a relationship with your child over just one mistake. I really feel sorry for the daughter - I would hate to lose my dad over something so trivial.
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
19 Feb 07
Well, on the one hand, that's a bit over the top. On the other hand, her parents were entitled to a phone call saying where she was.
4 people like this
• United States
20 Feb 07
I agree, if she would have called it might not have been so bad on her.
3 people like this
• India
20 Feb 07
well i also agree on tht...if she had called up and had told about her where about thn the tension would ahve reduced.. but on the other hand i dont think any parents would allow their daughter woh is of just 18 stayin at some boys place all night....but if she was taken care of with the parents of tht boy thn i think it would had been not tht trouble to her parents...
@reinydawn (11645)
• United States
20 Feb 07
When I turned 18 and still lived at home, my father made sure I knew the rules and what happened if I didn't abide by them. The rule was it was his house and I lived there if I respected that - came home before 10pm on weeknights (uless I was working late), called if I was going to be late or not come home at all, the usualy stuff... If I broke the rules, I was expected to move out. When my kids were 18, they got the same treatment, kinda the same rules. My youngest didn't want to live by my rules and I kicked him out - he joined the Navy and I think that was a wise choice for him. My oldest is still at home, taking a few classes at college, but pretty much comes and goes as he pleases. He makes sure he doesn't wake us when he comes home late or leaves early, so it works out pretty well. There are other rules that I wont tolerate and he knows the boundaries.
@rebelann (110413)
• El Paso, Texas
2 Jan 20
Yeah, if a kid is 18 and can't go out on his her own then it's best to follow house rules until they become self sufficient.
• United States
19 Feb 07
I think that leaving her there and never speaking to her is a bit extreme. However, in defense of the parents she was well aware of what the rules were and she should have called. They should have told her the consequences beforehand however, I think that if she thought for one second her father would never speak to her again or that she'd be kicked out she wouldn't have done such a thing.
@imsilver (1665)
• Canada
19 Feb 07
ouch... that's drastic. I can positivly say that I wouldn't do that to my daughter. When I read the first couple of lines before I opened this topic I thought you were going to go on and say that at 18 if a kid is still living at home they either a) have to be in school or b) get a job which I do agree with but wow.. your post blew me away. I can't believe that the dad did that. He has probably forever ruined his relationship with his daughter. Was she warned that she'd have to move out simply for staying out one night. I think that's totally unfair. Granted I wouldn't be happy if my child pulled something like that but wow...
2 people like this
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
20 Feb 07
That's the part I'm struggling with, there was no warning, just kicked her off. My parents kicked me out at 16, we just couldn't live with each other, but they still spoke to me and when all hell broke loose I was still able to come home.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Feb 07
sounds like tough love but at least if they let her home (I feel they will)she knows they mean what they say kids today have it to easy i think!
3 people like this
• Canada
19 Feb 07
Wow, thats really a little harsh! I couldn't do that to my daughter. No matter what. As a parent its our job to support our kids and not take such drastic measures whenever they make mistakes. We all make mistakes and punishing us for them isn't the answer nor will it solve the situation. I do hope that your friends and their daughter will eventually be able to sort this out. That girl no matter how angry she might be at her dad, must be pining for him deep down inside. I'm glad that her mother still talks to her though - at least she has support from one parental unit and she isn't totally alone. Maybe the girls mom would try and talk to her husband to try and make amends with him and his daughter somehow? Sadly, this situation does occur sometimes when standards have been set so high.
3 people like this
• United States
19 Feb 07
My god! No way! That is so unfair! Ok, now that I finished my little teenager rant. (I am 19 and still living at home while going to college, sad I know). I can understand having high standards, and can actually understand the parents setting some ground rules for their teenager. The fact is, she was living under there roof and there should be some basic rules. However, he should not have kicked her out! You can't really punish a kid over 18 I guess, (unless they rely on the parent for money, or the car etc.), but he still should have handled it differently!
@aznj50 (84)
• United States
20 Feb 07
wow that is pretty bad.
• United States
20 Feb 07
Yes rules are rules, but being a parent also involves being flexible. Instead he should have made the point to his of age daughter what it did to the parents when they didnt hear from her and how worried they were for her. Maybe a slight lecture and some rules guidlines on if you arent coming home, please call by a certain time at night to inform us, so we wont worry. Again this would be common sense. I have two kids and im very lenient with them, but they know the rules, and they also knwo i wont overreact.
3 people like this
• United States
20 Feb 07
First things first...RHCP ROCK!! ...ahem...yes, umm... Being a parent means being a leader, a guide, NOT a dictator. This father decided that tough love was the best love of all to teach his wilfull 18 year old a lesson in life she shall never forget. Bets are that she will never forget how horribly terribly cruel this man was in deciding that she was no longer fit to be under their roof because of a foolish mistake that plenty of people have made in their lives, and my guesses are that this father remembers very well what happened the night his own wife "forgot" to call home, too.
2 people like this
@rmuxagirl (7548)
• United States
20 Feb 07
This does sound a little drastic, but I would be a little upset too if my daughter spent all night at some guys house without even calling. I'm 24 and I still let my parents know where I am goin and who I am going to be with (I go to college)
2 people like this
• United States
20 Feb 07
Never. I would neither do this to my son. This man sounds like someone who does not think before he does or says stuff. And further, how did you find out about this happening? Her mother cannot possibly be ok with this. Was it her who told you, or was it he who told you, with an air of haughtiness, that he had done this to her? With all the crap going on out in this great big world, one would assume that a father would not have been so eager to send his too-young daughter out into the cold, mean world simply to prove his point. It is probably only a game to him and he is probably one of those men who is waiting to see what kind of psychological nonsensical game he can win at with his daughter to "teach her a lesson." Now, what the funniest thing would be is if the daughter decided that she had finally had enough of daddy's mindf*ck that she would stick it to him good and actually be able to make it on her own without him there to tell her all the horrible things I am positive that this creep has told her for the bulk of her young life. Do I think that she had the right to stay out all night and not call? No way. Do I think that the punishment fits the crime? No, I do not, and I am feeling it in my soul that this is a father who felt he needed to do something for her own good all while knowing that she is 18 and it is his right to turn her room into his den. See where I am going with this? What a creep
2 people like this
• Australia
20 Feb 07
I wouldn't kick my daughter out of home for this but I would enforce my rules. I agree that as long as a child is under your roof they should abide by your rules but in saying I think those rules should also take into consideration the child's age.I guess the father was really stressed that something had happened to her and i know how worry can make you think all sorts of things. His overall reaction was very extreme and I think he may regret it later on.
2 people like this
@anonymili (3138)
20 Feb 07
Wow that seems a bit over the top. At 18 she's an adult but she should have to courtesy to say she's going to be late or not coming home at all till the next day, parents worry, that's what they're supposed to do. There needs to be give and take though. If you're saying his wife had a kid when she was 13 it seems he's worried his daughter is going to end up pregnant but hey, she's way past 13 now, sounds he has more issues with his wife and is taking it out on the daughter. I don't have kids but I know many people my age who have teenage daughters and they don't behave like this man. If you show your kids you have trust in them, they're more likely to prove that they're trustworthy. What he's done is lose his daughter completely which is his loss and he's trying to punish her. I guess he'll eventually come around unless he was looking for an excuse to drive her out of the house as he didn't want to keep her anymore...!
2 people like this
• Philippines
20 Feb 07
Well I don't know how the father feels about it. Putting my self in his shoes, well maybe I will be angry of course but giving up her child just like that is really not good. He did not gave a chance for her to explain why she is in that guy's house. Well parents have different opinions on giving discipline to their kids but that is ridiculous of him to just give up her daughter just like that. Angry and fury will just take their place to both of them. I will still have to keep my daughter if I were him.
2 people like this
@gsworld (35)
20 Feb 07
Wow that is drastic. I am 17, nearly 18, but would never think that my parents were that strict. I think that's a bit over the top, maybe she should have asked beforehand, but I could understand why she wouldn't because of the strict rules. I think a bit of talking is on the agenda.
2 people like this