Should I be a supportive mother?

I do not think you are wrong,you took her in and gave her everything,and she has shown you disrespect, I understand how you feel about your son but he has made his choice. He is wrong for allowing his girlfriend to speak to you this way and he should tell her to apologize. Sometimes tuff love is the best love so I would not do anything untill she came to me and gave me an apology.

Wow! This is a tuff situation. I personally think that I would ask for her to come speak to me in person so that we could discuss how each other feels about everything. She may see things differently then you do.

rather than adivicing u a lot i would just like to say that dont be over supportive....coz what happens is when u try to be very friendly and supportive people mistake it and this is where all the problem starts...... The respect for the elders is lost at that very moment...suppose u are stric

sunshine, you did nothing wrong with this girl, but unfortunately there is something going on today with young women and their potential mother-in-laws. My mother had a similar instance with my brother's wife, and now she's refusing to allow my mother to see her own granddaughter, over something completely ridiculous. I don't know if you should apologize to her because if you do than it just gives her the self-righteous upperhand, but on the other hand, you are already a bigger person. As long as your son will still come and see you, maybe you should keep some distance for awhile. Maybe she has some problems you don't know about, and that's why she's acting so bizarre.

You should try to have a chat with her. It sounds like she said some terrible things to you. Your son should stick up for you too- why would he want to be with a girl who spoke to you that way? Sorry for your troubles, sunshine. It seems to get worse as they get older, doesn't it?

if it's true what you're saying.. then i think the gurl is in the wrong.. it's very obvious.. you been help her without asking for anything in return.. and she called you a b*tch in return? wow.. how ungrateful.. if they don't realise how lucky they are.. do not help them anymore.. until they realise.. your son should have stop her from saying such things.. how can that happen? you're the mother.. and they both have to respect you.. the elder.. isn't it? i frankly tell you that i can't tolerate such situation.. i prefer mother more than father.. so.. whoever is rude to his/her mother will definitely be despised by me

That is you son and I know that you love him BUT you have to give him a taste of life foe himself. You have to let him understand what indepence is. ABout the girlfrien, she is unbelievable and I think that you have did the right thing. Dont ever let a person disrespect you because they will do it again. You have no need to say you are sorry to her. WHY? Becasue you did not do anything wrong. If me and my boyfriend was argueing my mother would have did the same as you. But I would never let anyone call my mother ou of her name. So just brush it off and let them taste life for how it really is.

There is one saying in our language which means person should not even put his foot where he does not get respect. I feel you should give up your son as well as his girlfriend. One secret of living happily is to remain away from those who give only trouble and do not even respect. Your son is an adult if you will do a lot for your son even after this then he might take you for granted so live your life happily and forget the sources of unhappiness.

Sh has no right speking to you like this - in your house. But like someone else said - on a secound note, she is only 18 and when we are that age we all do stupid things, however she should be able to apologize. For the sake of your son though i think you need to put it behind you. I know what it is like to be with someone that ur parents so obviously don´t like and it is not easy,, Just support your son, give HIM what u want and help HIM out. Atlease u can think of it that way, even though u also are helping her =) Maybe she will come around, mjust give it some time....

I think everlasting said it all. I would not be apologising to her. Why should you? You have nothing to apologise for. You have treated her with respect and helped her out and in return to swears at you and calls you names in your own home. She has a hide expecting an apology from you, and nor should your son be expecting you to apologise to her. I think the way I would tackle it is that I would prefer not to let her in my house and would try to completely ignore her, if in a situation were I was near her I would be polite but distant. If she is going to be like that and they argue and have already broken up once already then the relationship may not last for long anyway. Good luck.

Talk about ungrateful! That girl needs a reality check. You have every right to be angry, and you deserve an apology! She did not have the right to disrespect you in your own house. I would have done the exact same thing. As for her demanding an apology, that is downright wrong. You don't owe her anything. You were there for her when she needed someone, and now she has the nerve to treat you like that. I wouldn't worry too much about it though. The way she seems to be, I'm sure it won't last with her anyhow. The most I can say is be there for your son, but keep her at a distance.

You ever heard the saying that you have to be cruel to be kind sometimes? I think you need to let them go and suffer the consequences of their actions. To be honest, it almost sounds like they'll do it anyway. They're still very young and they have a lot to learn about running a home, they will find it hard. If your son and this girl are meant to be together, they will find a way to make it work. If not, then let him discover that on his own. I wouldn't apologize to this girl, but I think if you're expecting an apology from her, you'll be waiting a long time. If they come to you saying they need money or this, that and the other, refuse them. It's the only way they'll learn.

I appreciate your decision. Let that girl apologize to you. Why should you apologize. She does not have gratitude for the way you treated her. What you did is the right thing.

It is a shame that it has come to this. I guess I would be happy enough to let by gones be bygones, or talk about things, but not with her assumption that your sole purpose would be to apologize to her and then begin footing bills. if you want to do nice things for your sn, maybe you can do them through your husband until you see how this whole mess pans out. Your boy will be looked after and maybe in the meanwhile they will either split up or you will get on better terms more naturally than you would thorugh a forced apology.

then sensing your behaviour others wont be having any sort of msbehavious...but it all depends on the person , how to respond ..... so know the person and act accordingly

Such a hard place to be in for you. I would remind your son that you love him unconditionally but that you are feeling let down and perhaps in time you will get passed that and wish him luck on his new adventure. It sounds to me like she won't last long anyway so don't worry too much about it. I don't care if it was my child or someone else's child calling me the b word would not sit well with me. This will give your son a chance to see how good he too had it at home and maybe give him an idea of how hard it can be to live on your own and have a relationship. We all know what it is like to get those first set of bills. So in a way you are supporting your son this way but you don't have to do it all for him either. Good luck!!

My mom didn't always like what I did but she loved me unconditionally. Does this mean that you have to go out of your way to help them? No! It just means let your son live and learn on his own. Teenagers seem to lash out at those they care the most about. Don't ask me why but I did this constantly even if what had been going on really had nothing to do with the person that I was lashing out at. Maybe his gf isn't used to having someone care for her the way you did. Let them suffer their consequences. They will realize that you weren't so bad after all. This is just my opinion.

You have nothing to apologize for!!! I don't think you should do anything to help her or your son if he choses to be with someone that treats you so disrespectfully!! Did you raise your son to treat you that way? If someone I was dating talked to my mother like that I would never see them again!!!! Stand up for yourself. She is in the wrong not you. I can't believe your husband isn't outraged at her behaviour! Besides it most likely is not going to last. So when it is over you can get your son whatever you want.

I completely agree with onecutehoneybear's response. She is 18, and when you are 18, you do and say a lot of stuff that you do not mean. Of course, this gives her no right to be disrespectful to you, and I do think you are right to ask for an apology. Whether you will get it, I don't know, but please do not let this be the deal breaker. It seems as if your son cares about the girl, and all couples have fights. Maybe you really walk in on the wrong time. Although I am absolutely sure that this girl appreciates everything you and your family have done for her, I also know that there must be a lot of pressure on her, as she i living with her boyfriend/ex boyfriend's parents at times, and I am sure that she probably feels like she is in a lot of debt to you. If it was me, Iwould defintely be supportive of your son and his decisions, and I would continue to give them bot my unconditional love and support. I want to emphasize though that it is very important that you do not get involved in their reationship problems, as this is something they need to figure out by themselves. Even though they might ask for your advice, it might just end up in a place that you do not want to find yourself. Although I think you should be supportive, I do not think you should go out and buy these kids a lot of stuff for their place. Let them try to do it on their own, as much as possible. Of course yu can give them a ride, when they go to garage sales to look for things for their new home, but if you just buy stuff for them, they will never learn the responsibility that comes with living on their own. Good luck with everything, I am sure everything will work out. You sound like you are a very loving,caring and suppurtive mother and "mother-in-law".

You should be supportive.......from a distance. Your son moved out and he made his choice. Sooner or later he will really see his GF for the person that she is because anyone who disrespects his mother in her home will not respect him at all. Let them be on their own for the moment. You did your part by taking her in as your own and all she do is totally disrepect you. I was told that was being "UNGRATEFUL". They both will come back and apologize because they know that you would do anything for them. They made the decision to move out and be adults...then let them be.