A Very Personal Problem...please give advice!

United States
April 22, 2007 6:16pm CST
I have a problem I've been dealing with for quite a while. In order to tell you my problem, I have to tell you something embarrassing that I did. I don't want anyone to judge me by this, so if you're going to judge me, then please don't bother to read on. In August I got drunk for the first time, and I ended up having s*x with a guy who I didn't know. He is a year younger than me in high school. I'm a senior and he's a junior. Not only did we have s*x, but the whole night we like laid together in this chair; literally for like 8 hours. I was drunk, but the whole time I just felt so comfortable being in his arms, and the 8 hours flew by. This happened in mid-August, and afterwords he got dropped off at his house, and me at mine, and we haven't spoken since. It didn't bother me until school started in September, and I started seeing him in the halls. Now I see him in the halls about 4 times everyday. Here's where the problem is. It's going to sound crazy, but I can't help how I feel. I feel like I am in love with him. I love seeing him, and it hurts me that we don't talk, and I don't know why but I really want to be with him. He is normally the kind of guy I would never even consider going out with. But it hurts me everytime I see him. I can still remember everything that happened. It feels like a bad break-up that I just cannnot get over. I really can't explain why I feel this way. Or why I want him so bad. Because I WANT him. I daydream about us even being friends, just hanging out. I want him in my life somehow. It's crazy because this happened like 9 months ago and we havent talked since, and I feel like I can't get over him. He has a Myspace, and I've been thinking of sending him a message. But I don't know what I would say. I just need advice or words of encouragement. Has anyone else been through a situation like this? Do you think I should send him a message?
8 people like this
30 responses
@mjsdls (1840)
• United States
22 Apr 07
Is this your first time having s*x? If so it could be because he was your first. I do not understand myself how a guy can sleep with someone and not even talk to them after. But this is a different generation than than I grew up in. I know the first person I was with i feel in love with and I was an adult. I was close to 30 years old. So I personally think that may have to do with it, if that is the case. Hope this helps.
• United States
22 Apr 07
Thank you, but no he was not the first. I should've mentioned that.
2 people like this
22 Apr 07
Why not just go up to him and say hi, maybe he feels that you don't want to know him? boys suffer the same insecurities that girls do, or maybe he might think that you want to forget about that night as you have not spoken to him, just try a simple hello and a big smile, break the ice! I know it will be hard to face him rather than a message, but the personal touch in my eyes is always much better, good luck.
3 people like this
• United States
22 Apr 07
Thank you, that's very good advice, but I would never be able to walk up to him in the halls and say something. I know it sounds silly, but there really is no possibility of that happening.
2 people like this
@april444 (1341)
• United States
23 Apr 07
Well if you are too shy to walk up to him have your friend do it for you,,,, wink wink Good luck you are a very pretty girl I'm sure he may be just as nervous/shy but If one of you doesnt break the ice it will never happen
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
23 Apr 07
I've "sort of" been in your shoes. Do you two have any mutual friends that could be the go between? You know like your friend mentions you to his friend...that kind of thing? He might have the same feelings as you and just doesn't know what to do about them. Maybe he thinks that you think he's a jerk by now because he never talked to you. Boys that age are so hard to figure out. I was a little older and I used the "friend of a friend" method. It got us talking and hanging out a little but in the end it was just a summer fling (not that that makes it alright) In my case it's good that that's all it was since he is now in federal prison doing 20 to life! But anyway I know how you feel and it probably won't end up being anything but you'll always regret it if you don't try. Since you're a senior you only have a short time left in school. Even if you end up totally embarrassed by talking to him (which is worst case scenario), the embarrassment will only last for a short time and you'll probably hardly ever see any of the people again. On the other hand if you don't try to talk to him, this question will be in your mind for years...trust me I have my "what if?" guy and he still crosses my mind even 12 years after our missed date (not the guy in prison btw). Have a friend talk to him, leave a note in his locker, comment on his myspace, wave and say Hi...just do something, either way it ends up you'll feel a lot better.
3 people like this
• United States
23 Apr 07
Thank you sooo much.....you gave VERY helpful advice! I agree...I don't want that what if question hanging around with me for the rest of my life. And I realize that if I do go for it, and even if, worst case scenario he hates my guts and wants nothing to do with me, at least I will know. And yes, it may hurt, but in the end I'll get over it, and I will have finally had my closure.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Apr 07
I've never been in this situation myself but I say you need to get in contact with him. You'll always regret it if you don't, always wonder what could have been.
3 people like this
• Canada
23 Apr 07
Actually it did happen to me once, the girl was quite drunk while i'm quite high at a party and it just happened. Afterwards I still see her on campus but not as often as you see the guy but still I see her like one a week. And seeing her with her boyfriend gives me a weird feeling like I'm being cheated on. When I finally had the chance to talk to her, she just said to forget the whole thing, and just pretend it didn't happen because she's inlove with her boyfriend and doesn't want any trouble. I understand so I just let it go. But a mutual friend(the host of the party) told me later on that, she asked a lot about me but I had a girlfriend that time. My advice to you is, try to reassess your feelings toward the guy. If you're going to approach him, do it in like a friendly way. more so like an acquaintance and not like trying to be a stalker or a jealous girlfriend you might just scare him away. Just some small talk will do. Or hook up with him through a mutual friend. Goodluck.
2 people like this
• United States
23 Apr 07
Just remember your young and not thinking straight. I would not think too much about contacting him. Your feelings for him are yours. Just keep in mind most men don't think of one night stands as love. Nor do they want to be with a girl who gave it them under such situations. At this prime young age I would rather date my math book. I would also thank my lucky stars he did not spread my name around the school. When you get bit by the love bug you will know. I think you should focus more on the things you should not be doing like drinking. I am not judging you either I have a 12 year old here. I would want more young girls to show better judgment for the little ones coming up.
2 people like this
@earth2jacq (1503)
• Philippines
23 Apr 07
I think you're just infatuated to the guy. It happened 9 months ago and the guy just didn't bother to say hi to you seems the guy doesn't think that the intimate moment you spent with each other doesn't matter so much. You said you see him 4 times a day and still the guy seems to ignore you. I would suggest that you let him be. I think it is better that you don't bring up what happened to both of you. If it would make you feel better, go ahead and send him a simple "hi. what's up" note on his myspace but after that if he does not reply to your message then that will tell you clearly that he is just not that into you.
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
23 Apr 07
Never actually been through the same problem you are, but I will try to help in some way. I would just message him. Just start it out with "Hey, whats up, how are things going with you these days. Just thought I would say hello. Hit me up sometimes." And just see what happens from there. Take it slow. I would message him right now. Get it over with. :P) Good luck!
1 person likes this
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
23 Apr 07
By the way. I just saw your profile picture and you are toooooo cute! You have nothing to be shy about! Go up and talk to the boy! If anything, maybe he feels you don't like him? All I know is that you are a cute girl and I'm sure he is attracted to you and if not, then he is crazy!
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Apr 07
Aww thankyou so much! I have decided if I'm going to message him it should be something simple...not just jumping in and being like..Hey I love you...haha. Thanks for the good advice!
• United States
23 Apr 07
First of all...think of this: Do you want to be the kind of person who takes a leap of faith or the one that wakes up in her 40's saying, I wish I had done it all differently? No matter how it turns out you have to get this off your chest!!Tell him how you feel.You have already gone 9 months without him, so obviously you know you CAN survive if he doesn't feel the same way,but what if he does?You won't know unless you confront him with this.It may be awkward,but not half as awkward as how it must feel passing him in the halls with all those feelings still lingering!! Hope all works out for ya girlie...!!
• United States
23 Apr 07
Thank you very much! I don't want to have the "what if" bothering me every day!
@daring (235)
• India
19 Jun 07
you know it happen because you had phicical reletion with him so better you think and see about it agaun and again before you accept him as your lover
1 person likes this
19 Jun 07
Hello. I think you are probably using your memories of that night to fill some kind of gap in your life. Easier said I know... but get out and enjoy life. If you want to send him a message then do so. I would probably send one along the lines of... "Not spoken in months. Thanks for the great night! Maybe we could do it again some time." Then wait! Ok this advice comes with a warning!! He might not respond. He might not remember you. If he does he might just want a repeat performance. But at least you will know! If you feel this strongly I think you need to do this for your own peace of mind. Good luck honey. xxx
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jun 07
Tell him. You'll regret it if you don't...I liked a guy at my school, he was a junior, I was a senior. I just graduated this year, so I last saw him a couple days after school was out for me. We never really talked, but I felt like I knew him in some way. He was a really great, nice guy. I never told him how I felt, and it sucks. I regret it. You need to tell him, if he rejects you...at least you won't be wondering forever what he would have said! If he likes you too...AWESOME! :)
@butterfly39 (3907)
• Philippines
9 Jun 07
Then do it, send something that would make him remember you. What's wrong with that? Do you think he forget everything what you both did for eight hours. of course not, and he will always remember that for the rest of his life. NOw it's time for to make the first move, who knows he's just waiting for you then...Good luck, i hope you'll end up together...hahahha
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jun 07
I have never actually felt this, but I've heard of problems like these. Maybe you should talk to him one day when no one is really around or just say hi to him in the halls. This sounds dumb, but you should maybe even tell him how you feel about him.
1 person likes this
@delco1 (28)
• United States
4 Jun 07
Being a guy I can tell you that at that age he probably only thought about the s*x and nothing else. Sorry if that sounds insensitive but in most cases I think it is true. I would say try to talk to him but on the same note would worry that he would just blow you off. I don't know if this is much help to you but just my thoughts.
1 person likes this
@tamskie (388)
• Philippines
4 Jun 07
NO! please do not send him a message, he should get the first move. And on the 9 months that he haven't talked to you is just one meaning that he just don't want you. Just go on with your life. Let him make the first move on talking with you. If both of you are meant together then it will.
1 person likes this
• India
9 May 07
lol,this is a awkward situation,but it would help if you told this guy abt your feelings for him...this might change the whole situation.maybe he might feel the same way for you...who knows?
@cher913 (25890)
• Canada
23 Apr 07
Women and men are so wired differently...women care more than men when it comes to that... i hate to say it, but i don't know if you would get a favourable response...if he was into you, he woulda called
1 person likes this
@Stiletto (4584)
23 Apr 07
What you have is a "crush" and almost everyone has felt exactly the same way about someone at least once in their life! The fact that you haven't talked to him, and in fact you don't really even know him, has allowed you to build up this whole image of him in your own head - classic "crush" material! I know it's been a while and I know it can feel really bad at the time but trust me - it really will run it's course. You'll meet some other guy and forget all about him. That's how I always got over them anyway! I really wouldn't advise you contact him unless you think he's interested - and to be honest nothing in your post suggests that he is. Incidentally - I'm not just saying all this because you're young - developing a "crush" on someone happens to older people as well. It's just that we're supposed to be old enough to have more sense so don't admit to it very often!
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Apr 07
My what a situation. The best advice I can give is to talk to him. Guys can be jerks sometimes so be prepared for everything and anything. But I find it's better to know than go about the rest of your life wondering about a certain someone. Yes I know all about the shyness factor, but there is a point and time where we must swallow that and take things face to face. I wish you good luck and hope you find out soon what you have been asking yourself for so long. Take care!
1 person likes this