How would you trust your friend again?

@kcrysea (196)
Philippines
May 3, 2007 6:31am CST
I have a friend, we're actually bestfriends for 15 years. We trust each other but the time come that she betrayed me. She and her bf did. They have stolen one of the most important thing to me and that includes my earnings. Last Christmas she apologized and i accepted her but why is it i have this feeling that i still hate her in some ways. How would you gain some trust for your friend again after all the things she've done?
6 people like this
21 responses
@Darkwing (21588)
3 May 07
It's very difficult to rebuild a broken trust in somebody. The hurt is still there, but you have to weigh things up. Was this really your friend who hurt you, or was it her boyfriend's influence over her? When you think you're in love, you can sometimes be misled by the person you're in love with. Is she still with this boyfriend? This is another consideration you have to make, along with the importance of a fifteen year relationship with your friend. If this was the first time in fifteen years that she betrayed you, then I would think the boyfriend was the controlling influence, and I would forgive her, with a promise that if she ever did something like that again, you would disown her, for good. After all, fifteen years is a good part of your life and you must have some idea as to whether she might break your trust again, because you must know her inside out. I hope this is helping some, as it's just the way I would handle it and not everybody will think in the same way as me. Good luck with this, whatever you decide to do, but please consider fully, the implications of losing a lifelong friend for one mistake in fifteen years, however bad. Brightest Blessings.
@kcrysea (196)
• Philippines
3 May 07
What i was thinking at that time was she's influenced by that guy. They're no longer together actually. I have forgiven her already but the thing is when she's around i dont feel like talking to her... To be honest i missed her but there's something between us that keeps us away with each other. MAybe im not that ready to trust her again.
2 people like this
@gasmas100 (588)
• India
3 May 07
since ull hav been friends for so long, have u asked he what compelled to do such a thing to u, knoing that it may harm ur relationship, for long time
3 people like this
@kcrysea (196)
• Philippines
4 May 07
i havent asked her actually.
• India
7 May 07
hey kry, u need to know why did she do that..........being friends for so long, u should be comfortable asking her that. Now, that ur friendship is at stake, u have nothin to lose.
1 person likes this
@kikisam (38)
• China
4 May 07
yes ..truely trust this sencents "once bitten twince shy""really . it's a pain in the neck to face such things in you life ...15years long friends .both you two have build the trust between each other . .sorry to hear that / i always don't know how to cope with such issues . .if she really . indeed want to appology to you and take action . i think we should give her a chance. it's a little hard to abandon you friend if she really , genuiine sorry fot it...hope you can handle it so soon ..good luck
3 people like this
• United States
4 May 07
Ihad th3e same situation..kinda..i have a friend that has been my longest and truest friend since 2 nd grade,and when i was 24 we got in a huge fight because she slept with my boyfriend..i was devastated!! And for about 5 years we didnt talk..her mom passed last year,and i called and told her how sorry i was, and then we started talking again..its been a slow process..but we are getting there..shes married now,a nd has a beautiful girl..and we have grown up so much,,so i guess it will just take some time to get back where we belong..
2 people like this
@kcrysea (196)
• Philippines
4 May 07
whoa thats bad... good thing you've talk already. If that happened to me i dont know what to do haha... thankz for that
@chaddik (113)
• Philippines
4 May 07
that was an awful experience. i think it is not necessary that you rekindle the same old real friendship that you had with her. afterall, she betrayed you and that is enough reason why being civil to her is enough at this point in time. i mean, let's face it. even when you said you accepted her apology, it is so difficult to restore it. that's the big deal. so don't be so hard to yourself on trying to get back to that old real friendship. it that happens to me, well id ask why she broke my trust but id let her know that everything's not gonna be the same again although for old time's sake, i will be civil to her and respect her. i think that would be one way of letting my friend know that i respect myself (by not allowing people to step on me) and that way, ill gain respect from them too.
2 people like this
@kcrysea (196)
• Philippines
4 May 07
i think she knows already, my cousin is also a childhood friend of her and i know what she's saying. She's actually blaming her exbf for what happened to our friendship. the question is... she knows its not a good idea to stole someones earning and she might loose a bestfriend, but why did she do that just to make the guy happy?
@joice86 (1079)
• Philippines
3 May 07
It's good that you were able to forgive her but that doesn't mean that you have forgotten what she have done already. I've been in that situation several times before where i always feel betrayed. So i am already having hard time to trust people even if i consider them my friends. Maybe time can only tell when you will have your friendship back again...
2 people like this
@kcrysea (196)
• Philippines
4 May 07
if we get can back the broken pieces again...
@mohit1123 (564)
• India
3 May 07
Its not easy to have trust is this situation atleast. God knows she can do the same thing again
2 people like this
@kcrysea (196)
• Philippines
4 May 07
yah i agree. its not easy to trust again and there's a possibility that she'll do that one more time and she might think that i trust her again...
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
3 May 07
Well, you said you believed she was influenced by this ex boyfriend. I think it's fine to forgive her, but like any relationships being a friend takes work. See what type of effort she is willing to put into repairing the trust. It's normal for you to still be angry, but anger is not what fulfills us in life, it's our connection to other people that does.
2 people like this
@kcrysea (196)
• Philippines
4 May 07
yes she was influenced by that guy... Well im trying to talk to her like what we normally do... she's sometimes at home but i dont spend much time...
@loujac3 (1188)
• United States
4 May 07
It is so painful when someone you trust turns against you. You have every reason to doubt your friend and her honesty. Is she still with the same guy and has he said anything to show remorse? There lies a reason in itself that you may doubt her. It really does take time and proving that one is worthy of your friedship again. I am not sure that I could do this myself. It really isn't you gaining the trust here, it is her proving herself worthy of your friendship. Good luck!
2 people like this
@healwell (1268)
• Ahmedabad, India
4 May 07
some how these kind of relationships always have ups and downs and so on! i can't understand how and why best friends turned in hate kind of thing?! how the best friend can betrayed her best friend? i will consider that this would not the friendship of the best friends! it was a long lasting friendship which come to an end with betrayed happening! but hate is not good for any one because it is harmful to the owner of it! and one good positive possibility might be there if you cross the hate element in friendship with the same person then it could be really really going to become best frindship for ever! but you have to judge, analyze and decide!
@vamisola (906)
• Australia
4 May 07
I'm thankful I don't have a bestfriend like that. Maybe what you should do is to give her a chance. Forget about it and start again. Renew your friendship with her. It is hard for sure, but if you still want her to be your friend, give her chance and trust her again. And I think if you feel the same, hurt about what she did, it's about time to tell her the truth, that you can't stand being friends with her anymore, even though you forgive her. Maybe simple friends will do, but not the same as before.
2 people like this
@wachit14 (3600)
• United States
3 May 07
You have a long standing relationship with this person so I'm sure you are very torn between cutting all ties with her because you no longer trust her and cutting her some slack because you've known her for so long. The burden of trust however does not sit on your shoulders. She has to prove to you that she is worthy of your trust and only time will tell if she is truly trustworthy. If it ever comes up in conversation again, you can tell her that you do forgive her for what she did, but that she needs to earn back your trust. If she's a true friend she will hang in there; if not, then her friendship wasn't worth keeping.
• United States
3 May 07
As the saying goes "once bitten, twice shy". It's always easier to forgive than to forget. I would be very cautious too. To me, trust is something that is earned. So, if she wants your trust again, she'll have to earn it. She'll have to proof to you that she's indeed sorry for what she has done and unless and until you see that she's genuine and real, I don't think there is any way for you to have a close friendship again.
@collstarx (1177)
• Indonesia
4 May 07
No body perfect, I think I can trust again my friends evn they betrayed me. Best regards
1 person likes this
@kcrysea (196)
• Philippines
4 May 07
yes you can,,, but it takes a little longer to forget.
• Australia
4 May 07
Hello kcrysea I knew how you feel, my friend did that to me too, i already forgave her but after 3 months she did that again, and know i really can't forgive her. But i still care with her, but i hate her. I still care but i can't accept what she did to me. And i don't want to make friendship with her. Maybe you can give your heart space so you can really forgive her but must be careful with her.
1 person likes this
@nurhoney (1123)
• Philippines
4 May 07
Well if you have been bestfriends for a long time already, I guess she didnt treasured your friendship that much since she did an aweful thing to you...as a bestfriend, i would go far to do good things for my friends not make them lose trust on me and disgust/hate me in some way or another. Its easy to forgive but the thought of you losing the trust and faith in your friend, thats a hardship and she needs to earn back your trust...trust is easy to destroy but takes a long time to build again.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
4 May 07
wow.. how could your bestfriend have done that to you? that's a little too much.. i hate people to steal my earnings.. because it means he is also stealing my hardwork.. and my time.. .. i think it's really difficult to trust such friends again..but if you really want to trust him/her again. .try to take it in a positive way.. tell yourself that he/she won't repeat it anymore.. and everyone will do mistakes.. and deserve to be forgiven...that's what i always do.. and.. the best of all.. i will just say .. we won't hate each other for a long time.. because that's childish.. so.. we will forgive one another =)
1 person likes this
@kelly60 (4548)
• United States
4 May 07
It may be possible to forgive, but I would not likely be able to forget such a thing. Once my trust has been broken, it takes a long time for someone to earn it back. Depending on how badly someone has betrayed me, my friend may never earn my trust back. In your case, I probably would not completely trust my friend for a while, but I would try to give her the chance to earn my trust back. The healing process sometimes takes a long time, but there is no better time than the present to begin.
@williamjisir (22903)
• China
5 May 07
To begin with, I feel sorry to hear that. It is really not a pleasant thing. You see, sometimes, we huamn beings just do something without thinking too much about it when we are doing something wrong. But what your friend did to you is really hard to be forgotten even if you can forgive them for that. Some shadow is already there,difficult to be removed. She must feel very guilty for this, but I don't think there is point for you to stay in touch with them as a close friend. To forgive is one thing,but to forget is another. Or if you want to be friends again as before, why not talk to her for that to see what will will happen? And then you can make the final decision whether to stay close friends or not?
• India
4 May 07
i think while we have choose freinds we have to carefull about there character otherwise dont make as best friend, i think if the freind is good there is no need for looking at the mirror. for the defention of friend is Freind indeed is a friend indeed, because he\she will always with you when there is difficult sitaution comes so i think we have to careful while choosing a friend