Dowry

@zandi458 (27953)
Malaysia
June 4, 2007 5:28am CST
Is the old age custom of giving dowry still being practised in your local community? It is and still being practised by my race in this part of the world. It is quite expensive to get married according to our customary rights. It is something like RM15,000 to RM20,000 plus few herds of buffalos. What is it like in your custom?
3 people like this
12 responses
@fidainc (412)
• Singapore
4 Jun 07
We have been practising it in our Malay community but the dowry 'rates' are pretty much fixed depending on the status level (education/career wise) but in our case, the groom will give dowry to the bride :P
3 people like this
@zandi458 (27953)
• Malaysia
4 Jun 07
Status level is also an influence in coming up with the rates on our custom. Getting married is not an easy deal.
1 person likes this
@fidainc (412)
• Singapore
5 Jun 07
Malay is not a country, its a race, like there's so many kind of Chinese and Indians for example. We're asian :) The dowry is not used to buy a bride but is to prove to the girl's parent that the groom can afford to keep their daughter alive. The money will not be given to the parents as compensation of sort. The newly wed will keep it and use it for emergency purposes.
2 people like this
• Philippines
5 Jun 07
htis is a good dowry system then. since the money raised shall be for the couple to use rather than to be given to the parents as payment for having raised the daughter. as for india, i know that the dowry system is the kind which has become such a big problem from the part of the girls family to be coping. it is high time that htis practice shall be scrapped. may be a law can be passed to the effect.
@samson1967 (7423)
• India
4 Jun 07
Hi zandy, I live in hindu country, where dowry is a social problem. Each day there will be a news about dowry deaths. The grooms will get dowry according to their qualification and profession, that includes flats, golds, vehicles, hot cash etc... I, personally never accept or give any dowry. My father-in-law was prepared to give me his vehicle and accepted to bear all the wedding expenses, I didnt even accept a stiching charges of my wedding suit. We shared the expenses equally.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27953)
• Malaysia
5 Jun 07
Its terrible. I am shock and horrified to learn that they can exert cruelity upon their spouse because of greed. I think the only possible solution to avoid being set up by the in laws is fully settle the dowry or otherwise just remain a confirm bachelor or be happy as an old maid.
@kumarravi (145)
• India
5 Jun 07
yes its true it is an old age custom which is been followed up to know. In old days men used to give dowry for marring a women now women is giving dowry to men. I think all this has to stop and it should not be based on dowry it should be based on the character of the man whom u r marring to.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27953)
• Malaysia
5 Jun 07
I have heard of that, instead of the man paying the dowry the woman is the victim. Its weird. I can't understand why their is such kind of system in your country, 'punishing' woman to get married.
@yemberzal (301)
• India
5 Jun 07
In Islamic COMMUNITIES The bridegroom has to pay a hefty amount to the woman he is to be married. And without amount known as mehar , the marriage documentation is incomplete, only the aspiring bride has authority to write the amount.There is no limit to it. Even woman can ask him aa aeroplane, however the women are requested to lower the mehar so that people get married.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27953)
• Malaysia
5 Jun 07
It is a bit unfair on the groom, don't you think so. They have no set of rules on the minimum and maximum of the the required dowry.
@sukumar794 (5047)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
5 Jun 07
The system of dowry is still rampant in most parts of the country. Though it has been by legislation , the practice continues unabated. Who would be ready to marry a girl without sufficient financial resources ? It is solid cash, gold ornaments , well equipped house, motor car etc are that are being offered as dowry.
@zandi458 (27953)
• Malaysia
5 Jun 07
A man would not even want to think of marriage if he is unstable financially. Your dowry is much more expensive than ours. Just can't afford it. Only the filthy rich guys can afford that.
• Philippines
5 Jun 07
no, i do not remember my parents telling about dowries being demanded even during the days of old in our country. there are some tribal natives though who are into this practice right now. they live in the hinterlands and i have only come to know one who came down and lived with the lowlanders. what i recall was that they used to arrange first as to what are the things that the man must come with in preparation for the wedding ceremonies. then the parents will want to know as to where will they live soon after the marriage.
@zandi458 (27953)
• Malaysia
5 Jun 07
I am a native to my country and for this reason the tradition though outdated is still so much in practise and I see it will go on in the future generation to come.
@jennybianca (12918)
• Australia
5 Jun 07
WE have never practised dowries in our country of Australia. Although, it was expected, and still often is, that the parents of the bride pay for the whole wedding. It is not really fair that this hppen, so when I was married, my husband & I paid for nearly all of our wedding. Particularly that some adults now, are better off than their pasrents, it does seem reasonable that they should pay. If the couple can't afford a wedding, I think the parents of both the bride & groom should go halves.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27953)
• Malaysia
5 Jun 07
It is good that your country has no such kind of tradition. It has long been our tradition here and don't see it being scrapped. They feel that a woman is something like a trophy for her in laws and once married she no longer belongs to her own family. So the groom have to sort of compensate her family's loss in the form of dowry.
@Willowlady (10666)
• United States
4 Jun 07
We don't have many rules anymore in this country and there are some that want to abolish it. Divorce is at high numbers and so it is too easy to marry and divorce in this county of USA. Sorry to say. Where do people keep the herds of buffaloes? Many yards here would not be able to support one especially if they live in apartments.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27953)
• Malaysia
4 Jun 07
ha ha ha. those buffaloes are meant to be slaughtered for the wedding celebration . Since buffaloes are hard to find now the groom family pay cash instead. Nowadays people normally hold the wedding in big restaurants or hotels so buffaloes become less and less of a demand. It is quite flexible and there are lots of changes in the dowry system now. If the groom cannot come up with the dowry the parents have to shoulder the responsiblity.
4 Jun 07
We don't have that custom here in the UK. I guess the closest thing is who pays for the wedding. Usually it's the brides family but really i think it's whoever is better of. I would love to be in a position to pay for my own wedding before i get married though.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27953)
• Malaysia
4 Jun 07
It is nice of you to think it that way. So your patner is not being burdened to pay for the wedding.
• India
5 Jun 07
Without dowry marriage in India is next to impossible.It is being practised everywhere whether u'r staying in a metropolitan city or in a distant town or in a village. If a pregnant lady comes to know that it is a girl child then she gets it aborted.If a female child is born then she is killed after birth. why this is so.Just coz the parents have to spend money at the time of their marriage. People want to have sons instead of daughters coz when the son gets married the bride will bring dowry along with her. People spend lavishly on wedding ceremony. They give expensive gifts, most expensive cars. The bride wears the most expensive outfit.Even the parents don't mind hiring money for the marriage of their daughter. But the question is if by spending money the parents can keep the in -laws of their daughter happy then why girls are burnt alive for dowry. In baniya caste before the marriage they settle the amount to be spend on marriage.The deal is just about money. What is important DOWRY OR MUTUAL LOVE for a happy married life.
1 person likes this
• India
5 Jun 07
Can this be banned in India atleast??
• United States
4 Jun 07
In the US there is not a dowry, but the Bride's father is expected to pay the wedding expenses, which I think must be a tradition that grew out of the dowry tradition. But more and more the bride and groom are paying for their own wedding, with little help from their parents.
@zandi458 (27953)
• Malaysia
4 Jun 07
I would prefer your style for a wedding. It doesn't cause much burden to the groom.
@fidainc (412)
• Singapore
5 Jun 07
For us, the bride and groom themselves have to fork out the money for the wedding... I mean your parents have done so much to bring you up why trouble them with these expenses? Unless if they voluntarily want to contribute, we won't stop them :)
@zandi458 (27953)
• Malaysia
5 Jun 07
If the couple can compromise on shared expenses then it so much the better. We do have such kind of arrangement here too but still the groom have to pay the bride's parents some amount of money as a customary obligation.