You're daughter's friend is pregnant. What would you do?

United States
June 6, 2007 5:52pm CST
I am confused by the actions of the parents of many of my daughter's friends. There are six or seven girls who have been friends since kindergarden. These girls graduated high school a few weeks ago. About a month before school was out, one of the six girls discovered she was pregnant. This girl is not a 'hoodlum' and has not 'slept around.' She became pregnant by the one and only boy with which she had relations. The boy and she remain boyfriend/girlfriend. She has decided to keep the child and the father is still very much a part of the girl's life. The girl remains with her parents at this time. Here is what has me appalled. The parents of most of 'the gang' will now not let their daughter's associate with this girl! She finds herself devoid of friends at a time when I feel she needs them the worst! I have no problem with my daughter remaining her friend, seeing movies with her, helping her prepare for the baby's arrival etc. What would you do? Would you let your daughter contiue in a friendship with this girl?
16 people like this
30 responses
@Debs_place (10525)
• United States
6 Jun 07
I would encourage it, in a few months that girl will have a baby to care for. Your daughter will see the responsibilites involved in having a baby without you having to preach about it. Reality is the best teacher. I can't believe that girls who are high school graduates actually are listening when their parents tell them who to have as friends!
4 people like this
• United States
7 Jun 07
EXACTLY!!! I feel that there are a lot of life lessons for my daughter to learn from this situation.
2 people like this
@Debs_place (10525)
• United States
16 Jul 07
Yes, people will go in different directions, there is no doubt about that, but just because a kid made a mistake 1) there is no need to punish her for the rest of her life. 2) and other kids can learn from this mistake. 3) that kid will need help and support and most kids who make this mistake are not bad kid, they are good kids that made a mistake, pregnancy is not contagious
• Canada
7 Jun 07
OMG how cruel can people be. I agree with you this girl needs her friends more than ever right now. I would definately let my child stay friends with the girl if it were me. I can't beleive people can be that cruel that kind of treatment should have been left in the past. We are in 2007 here OMG they need to realize that just because a friend of their daughters is pregnant DOES NOT mean their daughters will do the same because they habg out together. I wish I knew these people because I would give them a peice of my mind.
@Trace86 (5033)
• United States
6 Jun 07
Absolutely! No doubt in my mind. The difficulty she sees her friend going through with this may make her be extra careful in the future. Plus, this other girl needs all the support she can get. Pregnancy is not contagious. I hate that the other girls' parents have to act like it is. If the girls are 18, why do they have to stay away from her just because their parents say so? There are many ways around that.
@sizzle3000 (3040)
• United States
6 Jun 07
I think they are wrong telling their children who they can and can not be friends with. I have had many friends of all types in my life and my parents never said anything. My daughter has a friend who had a child at fourteen. I do not think she is a bad kid maybe just misguided. My daughter and her are friends and I do not have a problem with that either. Like the other lady said pregnancy is not contagus. If you are really friends you will always be friends.
@Cassy1976 (796)
• Australia
6 Jun 07
LOL what do they think that their daughter will catch being pregnant????? Everybody makes some sort of mistake in their life and this girl may not have intended to get pregnant I mean when I was younger I fell pregnant on the pill.... Give the girl a break I am happy to see that you are not going to stop your daughter being friends with her, she would feel lonely enough being so young and pregnant without being alienated
4 people like this
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
6 Jun 07
That is so sad that the parents are doing that. I think it is out of fear that their daughter might end up in the same situation. They might see the baby and think how cute I want one. What they don't see is the getting up every 2 hrs to feed the baby and change the baby, and the total change it has on your life. I think you are right in letting your daughter still see her though. I would let my daughter still see her friend and hope that in seeing what her friend goes through that she will realize it is something she needs to wait for. I'm glad that the girls boyfriend is staying in the picture and that her parents are being supportive.
@RenaeT (688)
• United States
6 Jun 07
Absolutly! That girl NEEDS friends right now. Good grief, it's NOT CONTAGOUS! When I was 17, I had a friend who was only 15 who got pregnant. I had my own apartment and was her 'driver' . . .she didn't drive yet and her parents hated her for getting pregnant. Her dad called her terrible names when he'd see her. I took her to all her doc apts. and the night she went into labor, I was at their house and drove her to the hospital with her spanish speaking mom in the back seat! If being her friend did ANYTHING for me, it showed me that being a mom at a young age was WAY too much responsibility for me, and kept me from making the mistake myself.
• United States
7 Jun 07
That is exactly how I see it. This girl's parents are standing by her (thank God) but it's her friend's parents who are being so ridiculous! You are so right, it isn't contagious! *laughs at your great line!*
4 people like this
• United States
7 Jun 07
"It's NOT CONTAGOUS!" Well, yes, it is. Not in the sense that you can catch pregnancy like a disease, but in the sense that in social circles where illegitamcy is acceptable, it increases in frequency. This is just observable fact based on centuries of human behavior. The other parents are merely trying to reduce the chance that the same happens to their daughters. Theirs is not an irrational or stupid response. It is also a good thing for someone to be the expectant mother's friend. However, each girl needs to decide what would be the best way to handle this situation for herself.
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
6 Jun 07
Definately. I would make sure my daughter understood that being a true friend is being supportive of another no matter what happens. You are a wonderful person to be so open minded. Your daughter and her friend are lucky you are understanding!
• United States
7 Jun 07
Yes! That is what friendship is. You don't desert a friend becuase they have hit hard times! And as many have already stated, pregnancy isn't contagious!
2 people like this
@eden32 (3976)
• United States
7 Jun 07
That's awful that the other parents are encouraging their daughters to abandon this young woman. I had my first while in high school, if not for the emotional support of my friends I don't know how I would have gotten through it. This girl needs her friends now. And besides, she's not so very young & it's not so very 'scandalous'. She's graduated already. She's with the child's father.
2 people like this
• Philippines
7 Jun 07
we can see now that most people tend to be judgmental rather than being kind and understanding. anyway, the girl's parents are around to support her at this most crucial time of her life. it will not be so hard on her. life becomes hell for a teenage mom only if the parents shall spurn her.
@archy22 (132)
• India
7 Jun 07
I feel there should be no harm in sending my daughter with her friend who is pregnant. That may create few issues in our neighbourhood, but I would rather do what my concience would suggest me the right. Sending my daughter with her and helping her to be cheerful at her pregnancy would be a good moment. To think positively,my daughter would be a bit more matured and will learn how to take care when she becomes a mother in future. I would definitely encourage my daughter to join her friend for movies or shopping. Being with her my daughter may gain a bit of bad reputation. Though this is a bit controversial issue, I feel this can be tackled diplomatically by convincing your commenting my neighbours.
2 people like this
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
7 Jun 07
i would definately let the friendship continue why would a parent stop their children from seeing her especially when at this time she needs all the friends she can get . But like most parents we try to protect our children even that is not enough some times ,She has done nothing wrong why punish her .I think in time her friends will see her again just stopping them now isn`t going to stop the other girls from the same thing happening .I`m sure she really appreciates the friendship of your daughter and you as true friends are there for everything.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24993)
• Australia
10 Jun 07
I can sort of see where they are coming from. If the situation is found acceptable the other girls may find themselves in the same state. They are still young and impressionable and their hormones are raging. I think the young lady who is expecting will be better off with 1 or 2 close friends and the support of her family. Her life has changed dramatically and mnow she must put aside girlish things and assume the responsibility of motherhood. I wouldn't stop my daughter but I would counsel her about the pitfalls of finding herself alone with a boy.
@jolenegreen (1209)
• United States
9 Jun 07
YES I WOULD! OMG....how rude of those parents. Thats soooo mean. Like you said Im sure that she needs her friends themost right now. Preparing for a baby at a young age, she is going to go through sooo many emotions! And her excitement...who will she share all of her excitment with. THAT IS JUST SOOO WRONG!
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
7 Jun 07
I think your daughter is old enough to make that decision. Just because the girl became pregnant doesn't mean she is any different than before. She probably needs a few close friends right now. But I think other parent fear that this girl will influence their kids and therefore they restrict them from seeing the pregnant girl. I would allow my daughter to make her own decision.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jun 07
Of course I would. She doesn't need these kind of friends who may possibly one day end up in the same situation.
1 person likes this
@dlkuku (1936)
• United States
7 Jun 07
It sounds like they are afraid that pregnancy is contagious. Actually, I think it's good for someone to stay friends with someone in that situation, it gives the girls some real eye openers about the realities of pregnancy and teen motherhood. But sometimes it's not the parent's fault either when girl's stop being friends with a girl who is pregnant. I found myself in that situation when I was 17. I had been dating the father exclusively for almost two years, and we then got married. All my friends disapeared, but not because their parent's didn't allow them to be friends, but because suddenly I had nothing in common with them anymore. I was a mother to be, and they were out shopping, hanging out and partying. They were finishing high school and going to the prom and I was changing diapers and wiping up baby food. What teen girl really wants to hang out with someone with a baby on her hip? I actually would encourage my daughter to remain friends with her, it can be very hard and very lonely when suddenly all your friends are too busy to spend time with you.
• United States
7 Jun 07
i really don't understand why these peple have a problem with their ddaughters remining friends with this girl. i don't see any reason for that at all. This girl needs her friends the most right now. She sounds like a good enough kid who just got kind of a "bad break" so to speak. You know what, though? These girls are 18 now. Their parents cannot tell them not to be friends with ths girl. They have their own lives. Hopefully they will be smart enough to see this and remain friends.
• Philippines
7 Jun 07
that will be fine with me if they remain friends. i will befriend the girl myself so i can give her some advises. a teenage mom will need guidance from all adults who truly cares so they can cope with parenting well and not do the same mistake again. it is good that hte parents are supporting the girl in this predicament, instead of having turned their backs on her. don't worry so much about this. the girl has the best allies that she needs most at this time of crisis, her parents. if i were in the girls shoes, for as long as my parents are with me in these times of deep troubles, i will have no need for anyone else. tell your daughter to say these words to her friend, she will come to realize that her parents are the ones who matter the most in her times of needs.
7 Jun 07
I would definately let my daughter stay friends with the girl, what is the problem with some parents. I would never dictate to my daughter who she can and cannot be friends with. Her parents have stuck by their daughter, she has not slept around and by accident a baby has been concieved. I think most of us in the world are accidents, it ain't something new. These other parents are most probably worried that their daughters will be influenced by this and they could end up pregnant, to me this is stupid. I feel sorry for these girls who have been told by their parents to cut all ties, she is their friend, what right do they have to tell them this, its very sad and I am sure the girl who is pregnant must feel totally rejected. I must say if I was one of these girls I would go against my parents and still see her, they have all been friends for such a long time. What are these parents teaching their kids, not much empathy I must admit. Good on you crazynurse for bringing up your daughter the right way, shame other parents don't feel the same!!!
1 person likes this
• China
7 Jun 07
You are an enlighted parent.Your daughter will be proud of your since you can still respect her and her friendship while some other girls' parents take up contrary attitude. Of course,have a friendly talk with your daughter and let her know your opinion on preganancy before marriage,give her some advice about how to keep an appropriate distance from boyfriend and then let her make her own choose.
• China
7 Jun 07
sorry,enlightened .not enlighted
1 person likes this