do you prepare your baby's milk or do you wake your husband ...

Philippines
June 7, 2007 3:47am CST
our neighbor is complaining to my husband about his wife and their 3 month old baby. if you have kids you must know that babies wakes up in the middle of the asking for milk. our neighbor said that everytime their baby cries for milk his wife will kick him and ask him to prepare milk. then she'll go back to sleep living him to feed the baby. when he talked to his wife about this his wife told him that he should do it since she is the one attending to the baby the whole day while he's at work. if you are the wife would you ask your husband to prepare babies milk at night or would you rather do it yourself? to husband would you take it against your wife if she oblige you to prepare your bbay's milk? in my opinion it should be the effort of both.
5 people like this
18 responses
@wendee (359)
• Canada
7 Jun 07
OMG Please tell my DH it should be both! LOL He hates waking up in the middle of the night.....so he doesn't. Well, he rarely does. Our 5 month old wake upat about 5:30am to eat and then will go back to sleep for a couple hours. But just as he falls asleep the 18 month wakes up for the day and then the other kids! DH always tells me that he doesnt want to get up because 1)he has a hard time getting back to sleep or 2)he hasnt sleep very good. YA like I get a goodnights sleep. 5-6 hours a night - always iteruppted is not a good nights sleep. I get up at 5:30 every morning and he gets to sleep until 8:30. AHHHHH thanks for letting me vent! LOL
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jun 07
That was how my husband was with our last baby. He was great with our first 2. The 3rd wasn't too bad but our last one. He complained every time I woke him. I was averaging about 4-5 hours of sleep a night and that was broken into 1 1/2 hour segments where I was up for at least a half hour inbetween. Then I was up at 7am with the other kids with not a single chance to nap during the day. He would get up at 4am to go to work even though he didn't have to be there until 6am. Get home around 2:30-3pm but was sooooo tired from work that he would take a nap. Meanwhile I was suffering from sleep deprivation and could barely see straight. I was getting so mad. He even did that the week he had off after my c-section. The first couple of nights I tried to wake him because I was hurting so much but he would moan and cry and whine that he was tired and then get huffy with the baby for crying or spitting up on him so I quit asking. He just snored away and then couldn't understand why I was in a bad mood. He would go to bed at 10pm and sleep until 10am and I was going to bed around 1am, waking at 2am, 3:30am, 5am and then up at 7am for the day but I was the one being b*tchy.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Jun 07
gush that was so not a husband of him. somehow he got fed up after the first 2 babies. my heart goes for you. well maybe you should stamp your feet already and tell him what you feel. waking up almost every hour during night time is just so exhausting. it's a wonder you're not shouting to make him listen. LOL
@Gemmygirl1 (2871)
• Australia
7 Jun 07
You're right, both parents need to put in effort but for a start - babies milk should be prepared already & should only need warming up in the middle of the night. As for making the husband do it, definitely not on a week night - he has to work & you don't want him tired while he's at work, you don't want him to have an accident. As for the mother saying she does all the attending during the day - that's kind of a cop-out - why? because infants sleep a LOT of the day anyway, a newborn will sleep for at least 20 hours in a day so technically, she'd have very little to do in actual regards to the baby during the day. If the baby is anything like my daughter, she slept most of the day & woke more overnight. Although both parents need to help each other, once you become a mother it's a full time job for YOU while your husband is the bread winner - it's too much to expect him to be working all day & not getting a decent amount of sleep to also be able to work during the day. A woman should know that she really does need to do the night time attending to the baby since she has to make sure her hubby is well rested for work & on top of that - she can nap during the day while the baby naps, to make up for the night sleep she doesn't get - the hubby cant do that!
• Australia
7 Jun 07
Please don't think i am saying ONLY the mother has to do the night shifts but it's a bit much to ask a father to do all the caring for the baby at night & then go to work without any sleep everyday, that's a little cruel & selfish if a mother does that - especially every night.
• Philippines
7 Jun 07
i understand what you mean. for a father working the whole day sometimes even until late to still attend to babies needs at night would be tiring. i think that's why the nieghbor is complaining because he said he feels sleepy at work. the wife should also consider the husband situation especially if the father is the one working. after all there's always the weekend to come...:D
@psyche49f (2512)
• Philippines
7 Jun 07
I agree, it should be the effort of both...after all, both of you were responsible for making the baby! LOL! In my experience with my babies, we agreed with my husband to do take care of the baby at night on a rotation basis...say, from early evenings up to 12 midnight, I am responsible in keeping watch over our baby's needs. Then at 12 midnight, my husband takes over up to morning. Both of us are working, so we leave our baby with a "yaya" or babysitter while we are at work. My kids now are grown up and I can say we really did a great team work, me and my husband. Your neighbor should agree with his wife regarding baby sitting to avoid conflict.
• Philippines
7 Jun 07
my husband and i both did our share of responsibility in attending with the babies at night. though my husband is really a darling because if during my turn he is awake he won't wake me anymore and do it himself. :D
@abednego7 (1060)
• Philippines
8 Jun 07
First I'm a husband and I think being a mother she for the first place attend what her baby needs and the husband should help her if she can't do it for what valid reason. Arguing that a husband should do it because for a day in a work his wife doing it all alone will not justify that. Well if the husband will take care of the baby then they will probably end up without nothing to spend because its the main responsibility of a man to provide living for his family but if he likes and his wife is incapable of doing it then it will be the time he has to do that kind of thing.
• United States
8 Jun 07
Oh how I wish I had a hubby to do the middle of the night feedings! I am a single mother of a 7 month old who still thinks 3am is the perfect time for feeding and then playing. With my older daughters, my husband never got up with them at night because he claimed he had to work the next day and I could always take a nap if I was tired during the day. I think fathers miss out on alot of bonding and special quiet time with baby if they decline to help out with the nightly feedings.
@myounghee (161)
• Philippines
8 Jun 07
oh no way! i better prapare it my self!
• United States
8 Jun 07
I think regardless if she is tending to the baby all day or not she should tend to the baby at night as well. It's not like she has to get up and go to work she can nap when the baby does at least. My husband is deployed and when he was home on leave he would just get up and feed her and change her and everything else. I never had to even ask him. I would get mad at him for not waking me up because he would watch her all the time and cared for her when he was home and I felt like that was my job but I didn't mind as well neither. I got a little break from it for a bit so that way nice too I guess.
@itkasp (266)
• Australia
8 Jun 07
You are absolutely right! It should be the effort of both parents to take care of the child. For me, I try to wake up as much as I can, especially during working days. However, on the weekend, my husband will wake up and feed the baby and let me sleep. Basically it should be a team work between the wife and the husband, with the basis of understanding.
@Cassy1976 (796)
• Australia
8 Jun 07
I think that it should definately be a combined effort but I also must say that if my partner has to get up for work the next day I do not wake him during the night as I dont think that is fair to him, he works 12 hour days and has to get up alot earlier than I do and quite often doesnt get to bed until after me too. My partner is very helpful with our daughter and quite often has her on his own, so it is a combined effort with us
@Calais (10905)
• Australia
8 Jun 07
She sounds like a lazy selfish person. He is at work all day, theres no way that he should have to wake up in the night to feed the baby. That is so wrong. He should tell her to do it and not be so lazy. Maybe he could do it one night over the weekend but theres no way I would ask my husband to do it. Im at home all day while he is at work.
@4cuteboys (4103)
• United States
8 Jun 07
The effort should be on both parts ,however sometimes when it's me and hubby and the baby, sometimes he wakes up before me and feeds him, and I stay asleep, but that makes me feel bad! Now that he's gone I am the one that wakes up every time. I do think it should be a shared responsibility though, it takes two to make the baby, so they can share the responbility. :)
@carlaabt (3508)
• United States
7 Jun 07
I nursed my son, so I was always the one up with him, if I was home. My husband and I worked opposite shifts until our baby was six months old, though. So my husband would have to get up with him and give him a bottle of pumped milk while I was at work. By the time my husband went back to days, the baby was pretty much sleeping through the night. With the next baby we have, I plan on nursing again, and I'm staying home with my son now, so I don't see that changing when we have another child that would have to be taken to daycare. I will do most of the baby feeding for the next baby, too. I don't mind feeding my child, and my husband helps out with housework and changing diapers and stuff. If I'm home all day, he shouldn't have to do a full half of the stuff around the house, just part of it, so I can get a break, too.
• United States
7 Jun 07
We shared the duties. With our oldest I think he did most of the bottles because I had hurt my back and it was very painful for me to be standing up. With our son we took turns. One night he would do feedings and the next night i would. That way one of us was getting some sleep (he had colic so he was up half the night crying anyways). With our other 2 he switched working hours and had to be up at 4 or 5am so I did all the feedings at night when he worked but on his days off he had to do them all because I was exhausted from the week.
@azimsay (546)
• India
7 Jun 07
Mother's love is very sweet,she see her child is hungry.She without west her time she give milk to baby,if she call her husband but he will not weakeup.
@dawnhm6 (48)
• United States
7 Jun 07
My husband and I have an 8 month old boy, and he had taken most of the "middle of the night" responsibility since the baby was about 2 weeks old. We had a very long conversation about after I had been awake for about 4 days straight. I couldn't take it aymore! I understood that he worked all day and needed to sleep, but he needed to realize that I was getting very little sleep even though I stayed home. Who came up with that saying, "slept like a baby," anyways? Caring for a young baby is not easy on anyone. Both parens should take responsibilty for all of the duties involved at least some of the time. In order to function and be able to take care of the baby through the day, a mother has got to get some sleep. No one should feel guilty about asking someone else to do something for them. My husband took over completely, knowing he could have a night off whenever he wanted; all he had to do was ask. This might not be right for everyone. The best thing to do is to talk about it and figure out what will work for everyone involved.
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
7 Jun 07
I think it should be a combined effort. My hubby has to wake very early for work, so on the nights that he works, I tend to the baby if he wakes up...(he's nine months old) on the nights where he doesn't have to wake up early, He helps out too. I think it's unfair for one person to have to bear the brunt of the responsibility.
@rapolu_cs (1184)
• India
7 Jun 07
I agree with you and mostly i prepare the milk but in some cases when i feel restless he will take the chance and never get angry in doing so.
@jeanbug23 (567)
• Philippines
7 Jun 07
Most of the time, I take the initiative to wake up in the middle of the night just to prepare milk for the baby. I don't have to wake up my hubby because I knew he had been so tired from work, I can hear his snores so I don't want to interrupt his sleep. There are times when he also makes it a point to prepare milk during the day during his day off when we're in the house and I do the household chores.